Bryan Hagerman
11 Thornhill Dr. B3L 1P7 Dartmouth, NS, Canada

How Dying Defines The Conditions Of Living The Author of Heb 9:27 states that we will all die, and yet St Paul in I Thess 4:14 says we will live again. Note the simple and yet profound nuance between we will all die, and we will live again. This seeming contradiction was addressed by Christ at Easter. The first quote addresses physical death. The second is about the bodily resurrection of the church. We believe that if we have entered into a covenant relationship with Je...Continue reading

When The Glass Is Jarred Put On The Other’s Shoes John drove up to the drive- through and ordered his drink. In a hurry for an important meeting, he was eager to get it and go. At the window he was mistakenly given something he had not ordered. In a rush, a bit anxious, he responded, Oh no problem. This must be for the person behind me. (smiling) I’ll wait for mine. You must be cold in this wintry weather with the window open. He cou...Continue reading

Euphoria. Do You Hear It. Having entered the drive through I made my order. The coffee was strong and yet satisfying, as was the warmed up oat bar. I had made a simple choice. It took no thinking. In our busy lives we face personal choices on a daily basis. Some are; automatic, intentional, reflexive, unconscious, instinctual, random, habitual, and easy. For example, buying that coffee, extending a smile, giving a handshake, paying bills, daily chores and routines, various...Continue reading

Defined by Values Trying to define something, anything, is not always as easy as it seems. Words become difficult to define or translate correctly. This is true when it comes to translating a Greek or Hebrew word into the context of another language. Biblical Translators face this challenge every day as they attempt to translate the Bible into a new language. When faced with translating a word from the ancient scripture into a new context, they work very slowly, method...ically, prayerfully, carefully, with the help of onsite linguists. I remember observing a translator and his helper trying to find the dynamic equivalent of snow in the language of the ‘Mjikenda Digo’ people of Kenya. These people have never seen snow, although they may have heard of it. The ‘Arabic’ equivalent would be ‘Theluji’, but this does not suffice. After several days the Translator and Helper came up with the phrase ‘white feathers.’ Many people define themselves and their purpose through work. Thus the phrase I am what I do. When people spend hours in the run of a week doing what they do, when they go home, or into the community, they define themselves thus. It becomes a challenge for some to leave the job behind at the workplace. It is especially difficult for a Pastor, Teacher, Politician, Doctor. For the Cleric there is always the sermon to prepare, the sick to visit, the planning, the problems in the church. In many professions boundaries with work and life are not carefully set. Families are the losers. It may be better instead to define who we are by our values. This is especially helpful when trying to give therapy to people who have impulse control problems. They often react quickly and negatively, instead of thoughtfully and positively. However, when confronted with personal values as a means to respond instead of reacting change begins. When asked to list values the following list often appears; honesty, truth, loyalty, integrity, family, kindness, fidelity, trust, perseverance. Clients will then agree that helpful responses should be reflected in their values. This is who they are. Once faced with an impulse, people can train themselves to act according to who they truly are. So, who we are is defined by our values, not by what we do. What values define you? Need a Therapist? www.bryanhagerman.ca The Therapist at Large. I do skype.

Grit Who are we anyway? Is it a mixture of nature and nurture? Or are there specific ingredients that add to the cocktail of who we are? Some might argue that we are born with a blank slate, and at birth the slate begins to collect the data which helps to create who we are and who we become. Then others would say that it the sum of our parts (life experiences) from birth to death, that mold us and make us. But larger question might be, what is it that makes up our identity...? And can we begin to change who we are, and what we are, right now? Yes, of course DNA plays a part. Yes, nature and nurture play a part. Attachment theorists would argue strenuously that an emotional bond between a new born infant and a primary caregiver is of ultimate importance. That bond gives a child a big relational leg up in life, especially when it comes to a sense of safety, security, and self-worth. However, even with the strongest of emotional bonds a child must eventually face the experiences of life. As a 6 year old I entered school on crutches and wearing a stiff leg brace. While others ran on the playground, and played, I hobbled around and was always last for the bell. My classmates had no problem pulling out their chairs and sitting at the desk. I had to maneuver my crutches and chair at the same time in order to sit. The brace made it difficult to sit normally in a chair. Carrying a book and lunch bag was not easy, but I did it. Playing marbles was difficult. But I played. But what do you do with experiences like this that can shape your life even in a small way? Do you give up or push through? I am sorry to use myself as an example here but I developed grit. Grit is not about sucking it up. It is about getting up when knocked down. It is not denial of an issue. It is about moving through life even when given a significant disadvantage. It is about turning the supposed weakness into a strength. Some might argue that Churchill’s most famous phrase never give up, never, never, never was about grit. I never believed wearing crutches, even for a year was a sign of weakness. I think it enabled me to develop empathy for others. Going to therapy is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of great courage and a desire for change. It is a form of getting up, with someone’s help. www.bryanhagerman.ca 902 471 7919., I do Skype and Telephone Therapy.

Listening and Muscle Memory The ability to listen to, and remember what has been said in a conversation, are two qualities a successful clinician needs in their tool box in order to become a good therapist. Both therapist and client have created a safe emotional bubble around themselves. Therapists do not multi-task in a session, they listen. In the therapeutic milieu the therapist listens for key words, self expression, observes for emotional content, including body lang...uage. Both tell him/her what is going on in the life of the client. Carl Rogers believed that listening could transform people. An aspect of that transformation is that the one who has come to therapy may have no one else to talk to, or certainly no one else to share their deepest thoughts, and feelings with. This singularly explains the desperation of their situation. The listening ability, and non-judgment from the therapist frees the Client to go deeper. Suddenly they are pulled into a vortex of emotional expression. They are able to say things that they have never said before to anyone, and hearing themselves communicate these thoughts becomes a crucial part of the recovery process. Self-trust deepens too. Listening is more than just looking at the individual communicating. The therapist is observing, communicating empathy, remembering what is said, and has been given the awesome privilege of being brought deeply into someone’s secret emotional space. This must not be taken for granted. It is a gift a client may give no one else. In order to remember what the client is saying the, the therapist will restate, either word for word, or give a brief synopsis of what they heard. The client will be empowered through this process, and it adds integrity to the conversation. It is not only important in staying connected in the conversation, but it helps the clinician to develop muscle memory. Muscle memory is when we habitually remember how to do something as a result of repetition. We remember how to ride a bike, drive a car, use a computer, sail a boat. In each instance the muscle memory develops over time, and in time becomes second nature/old hat. For example, people who have not spoken a previously learned language in years, are often able to re-enter that process reasonably well, and because of muscle memory. For the therapist, retaining what someone else has said while intensely listening, develops and grows as they listen. They develop listening skills muscle memory. It becomes second nature. Both have strongly converged, enabling a therapist to become more successful. And the Client is the beneficiary of this learned skill. Someone who is listened to, and who knows it, is on the road to emotional transformation. www.bryanhagerman.ca

Happy to serve in the area of Amherst. Two days a week.