Dr. Kristin Newman

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh. There was a pause. "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet. "No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do." "That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.... "What are you doing?" asked Pooh. "Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either. "But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh." And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right." A.A. Milne Sending thoughts to everyone having a Difficult Day today. I hope you have your own Piglet to sit beside you

Some grounding statements for those of us with insecure attachment

It feels like a long time since I wrote a message. With what is happening in the world, I have been under water with intense emotions for what seems like a long time. I am hoping for some reprieve and that the waves of emotion are becoming more manageable---or maybe I am just adapting. I am being schooled in kindness and forgiveness. These lessons keep coming to me over and over again. The learnings are hard sought and won, and are gradual and painful. Pain is a constant comp...anion as I work through my days with my family and clients. I noticed that when I do not resist the pain, but instead lean into it, it transforms me. When I do so, I often have the most authentic and real connections with others. A veil is lifted. I am raw and open, allowing others to do the same, and this is so much more real and relaxing! Letting go of the idea that we should or can control this life and this suffering---relieves a burden. Take a moment to breathe it in---whether it be a disappointment, fear, or a wave of sadness. Taking time to let your body fully experience it, there can be relief. This is not easy, but it is a real step forward. I have said the wrong things and done the wrong things, and more so under life’s current upheaval. I am apologising a lot. This is allowing me to practice forgiveness of and compassion for myself and others, as we are all human. It is allowing me to practice grace. Grace allows for space and breath in the midst of heartache. And then we begin again with more heart awareness. Fail, fail again, fail better Pema Chodron

Holding space means letting things be as they are, without having to push them away, or try to change them or to make things better. It is just accepting things as they are, in our own vulnerable, messy experience. At this time, we are challenged to hold space. An interesting part of the pandemic is the competition of who is doing it better---who is enjoying this time of reflection and who is drowning in grief and increased demands. The competition of who is doing the pan...demic better and the expectation that we should all be revelling in this down time is problematic. The reality is that most of us are just surviving. Some are in a real financial, family or health crisis (mental health included), and others are getting worn down over time by the bigness of what is happening. Holding space means making the circle big enough for all of it. We can make space for the most raw and vulnerable among us, while also including those who are in a different place and may be enjoying having things slowed down. I hope that in this time, we are being gentle and learning to hold space for ourselves and for others, regardless of how our experiences might differ. [My dear friend Vanessa Sage is one of the most wise women I know. She recently spoke about holding space, which inspired this piece.]