Lisa Marie Gruger, MA, Registered Clinical Counsellor
1135 Fir Street V9W 3B7 Campbell River, BC, Canada

Today is World Teachers' Day. Huge shout out to all the amazing teachers in our community! Thank you for all that you do!!

Wise words on mental health

The Mindful Way Through Coronavirus Stress 1. Accept your feelings. Sit with your emotions without challenging themeven uncomfortable ones like anxiety, grief, anger, burnout, and exhaustion. Remember this key mindfulness concept: acceptance always comes first, then change.... 2. Ask How can I best take care of myself right now? Reflect on your needs throughout the day. What do you need right in this moment? Do you need a break? To call a friend? Do you need to accomplish a task? If you need to accomplish something, start small. Most people have a tendency to aim too high right from the start. It’s better to set a small goals along the way to the finish line. 3. Remember the traffic light model of communication. Many people are living in close quarters with spouses, children, and other family members right now, and conflicts are sure to arise. When communicating with others identify where you are along this spectrum: Red light: You feel angry, frustrated, upset, at your wit’s end. Now is the time to give yourself as much space (as possible) to calm down before responding. Yellow light: You feel challenged, but you are not at your tipping point. Pause and take a few breaths. See if you can tip the scales towards a more mindful response. Green light: You feel open, present, aware, and positively towards those around you.

It’s Mental Health Awareness week. I believe that we all need to be circumspect and honouring of our own and others’ mental health. Mental wellness is everyone’s concern, not just the concern of those who have the courage to share their stories and perhaps choose to use or share labels (i.e. depression, anxiety).... My wish is that we would converse as easily about our mental health as easily as we do our physical health.

So true! Makes me laugh at myself.

A fun, free online reading opportunity from J.K. Rowling. We are going to explore it tonight.

We are please to announce this wonderful partnership with School District 72 to offer an Online GSA. Foundry Campbell River will be hosting the GSA virtually until schools return to normal attendance. To register please contact Anne-Marie at [email protected]

Mother’s Day Musings My dear friend, Kelly, included this piece, MERCY ON THE MOTHERS, in a tribute to her Mom. I think it is essential reading. I'd like to start with borrowing from something I read this past Mother's Day by writer @elizabeth_gilbert_writer (author of Eat Pray Love). The piece was titled:... MERCY ON THE MOTHERS Gilbert says, "Recently I was at a conference where the question was asked, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE AFRAID OF TURNING INTO YOUR MOTHER? Nearly everyone in the room stood up. This made my heart ache. My heart ached not only for the people in the roomwho were all beautiful, creative, imaginative, and wonderful human beings. It made my heart hurt for their motherswho will never stop being judged as failures. Because, we never stop BLAMING the mothers, do we? How many years, dollars and energy have we all spent as a culture, talking about how mothers have failed us? Can we take a breakjust for one day and show some mercy to the mothers? Because being a mother is impossible. I don’t mean that it’s difficult. I mean: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. What we, as a culture, expect from our mothers is merely that they not be human. Mothers are meant to be some combination of Mother Mary, Mother Theresa, (Martha Stewart) and Superwoman. It’s a merciless standard of perfection. Merciless! God help your mother, if she ever fell short. God help your mother, if she was exhausted & overwhelmed. God help her if she didn’t understand her kids, or if she had no gift for raising children. God help her if she had desires and longings. God help her if she was ever terrified, suicidal, hopeless, bored, confused, furious. God help her if life had disappointed her. God help her if she had an addiction, or a mental illness. God help her if she ever broke down, or if she couldn’t control her rage. God help her, because if she messed up in any way, she will forever be branded: BAD MOTHER."

Make the call or call 911. No one should have to live with violence. Please share widely.

Finally a bedtime story to end my work day.

YOU HATE EACH OTHER... NOW WHAT? Navigating household dynamics during quarantine We need to keep healthy, safe, and connected to each other. But the everyday moments of living together can be seriously challenging. Even in the best of times, the ability to regulate yourself and have a high level of social and relationship skills has always been the most important skills a person needs to function and thrive. Now, it is critical to you and everyone you’re living with.... Let’s keep in mind: Conflict is inevitable. In this situation it’s even more likely. Conflicts are usually about two things: the actual matter people disagree about and how we are talking to each other about the problem. It’s up to us to try our best to be easy on people, hard on ideas. No matter what happens, we still have to interact with each other. We aren’t going anywhere, so it’s in everyone’s best interest to get to a better place. That means really listening; being prepared to be changed by what you hear. Beware of the temptation to wait for someone to stop talking so we can tell them why they’re wrong and we’re right. Everyone is going to have to change at least one thing about what they’re doing to make the problem better and get us closer to where we want to be. Before talking to the person you’re frustrated with go to a quiet place and write your responses to the following questions: What are the three things you want to accomplish in this meeting? Are your three goals realistic? What is one thing you want to hold yourself accountable for during this meeting? During the conversation, it is important to ask curious questions instead of a Why would you ever think X, Y, or Z? Try using these sentence stems: Can you tell me more about Help me understand why What does success look like? Maybe it didn’t go perfectly. That’s okay. It’s unrealistic to expect that one meeting will solve the conflict. So have a short check-in the next day. And don’t worry, you’ll have more opportunities to practice. Whether you’re cooped up at home or not, you can use these strategies anytime you are in conflict.

For those of you who are sheltering in place ... some useful questions to ask yourself.

Still hard at work! Grateful for the use of Zoom videoconferencing. Reach out and connect, if you need.