Addiction Reality

Are you struggling with triggers? Are you relapsing? Do you fee frustrated with the recovery process? Are you struggling with disclosure? Have you not found a group that fits for you?... JOIN the INNER CIRCLE here: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

The INNER CIRCLE: There is no topic unacceptable. All feelings, frustrations and successes are discussed. This is where we can share in a safe, private and encouraging place. Let go of your judgments and your filters and pour it all out! ... JOIN HERE: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

Are you struggling with triggers? Are you relapsing? Do you fee frustrated with the recovery process? Are you struggling with disclosure? Have you not found a group that fits for you?... JOIN the INNER CIRCLE here: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

The INNER CIRCLE: There is no topic unacceptable. All feelings, frustrations and successes are discussed. This is where we can share in a safe, private and encouraging place. Let go of your judgments and your filters and pour it all out! ... JOIN HERE: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

Nourishing Your Relationships Did you grow up in a home where your mother would make cookies for someone else, perhaps a neighbour or friend, and give them the nicest, most perfect and delicious ones and keep the burnt cookies for you and your family? Understandably, it would not make much sense to give out burnt cookies as gifts, but why did other families get the delicious ones and you did not? Perhaps you see this as a trend throughout your childhood of giving to other hou...seholds before you give to yours. The choices that were made during your childhood are in the past and were not yours to make. Your choices today are. Today, and every day, your choices are yours. Are you giving more to your friends, co-workers, and extended family than you are to your own children and spouse? Are you taking time and energy away from your family in order to give to others? It is an important life lesson to learn how to share ourselves in a way that creates the life and relationships that we truly want. Give your best to those that are important to you. They deserve the respect, patience and love that you have to give. Nourish the relationships that are important. In case you haven't heard one of our favourite sayings, The grass is greener where you water it.

There may be times in your relationship where you find yourself in conflict over something that is an issue for only one of you. Well, you don’t need to agree, but you do need to listen. Listen to what your partner is struggling with and why they feel it is important. You don’t need to agree that it is an issue and certainly don’t need to solve it for them. As their partner you do need to acknowledge and try to understand their point of view on the subject. Offer suggest...ions, support, or just to listen when they need to talk about it. If it is a non-issue for you, then why has it become a conflict at all? Perhaps it is important to your partner but doesn’t affect you one way or the other. If that’s the case, allow your partner their solution to the issue. When you find yourself in a situation where your partner has an issue with something, but you do not, this could be an excellent opportunity to give to your partner! Find out what the issue is, and if it’s not an issue for you, use this a chance to build up your relationship and give a little to your partner! For example: Your wife gets upset when the garbage is full and needs to be taken out and you haven’t done it. You didn’t know it was full. She’s upset and you don’t know why. What’s the big deal? Your wife may feel like she is the only one that notices these things, she may feel overwhelmed with household chores or she may feel that she is tired of reminding you to do your share. Taking out the garbage is not something that you think should cause an argument. It is NOT a big deal for you. Solution: AFTER you take out the garbage, try to find out why it upset her so much. Then address that. Find opportunity to give some attention to her needs. Get into the habit of really looking at the garbage level every time you throw something in. Take it out before she has the chance to ask. For example: Your husband gets upset when you leave the gas tank empty. You never really pay attention as every time you get in there is enough gas to go where you need to. He’s upset and you don’t understand. What’s the big deal? Your husband may feel like he is the constantly having to add time to his day to stop at the gas station to fill up the car when he already has enough to get done in the day. He may feel like you are careless about taking care of your vehicle. Stopping for gas is not something that you feel should cause an argument. It is NOT a big deal for you. Solution: Set up a routine of stopping for gas on the same day each week. Maybe get a car wash while you are there. Show appreciation where it is deserved for his time and efforts for taking care of that task when you did not. Your non-issues are easy opportunities to give to your partner. These small gestures added up help to show attention to your partner in your everyday life together. Love and thoughtfulness create love and appreciation.

What You Can Do For Your Partner If your marriage has been devastated by the deceit and betrayal of addictive behaviour, it will take effort and time to repair what was broken. There must be healing for the addict, for the betrayed partner, and for the marriage itself. For the addict, some aspects of healing are not under your control. For example, you cannot say when she will be ready to trust again. You cannot decide for her that she has had enough time to get through every...thing. But there are many things that are most definitely in your power to do, every day, to show your commitment to fixing the damage. Be honest. Tell everything. Now, not later. Tell where you are. Give them logins and passwords. There should be nothing left to hide. Share thoughts and feelings. Be the first one to reach out and offer trust. Be patient. Earn it back. Some aspects of your partner’s world have been flipped completely upside down, and other aspects have been ripped away completely. In cases of disclosure, they possibly learned in the space of two hours what you have known for 20 years. Follow a sobriety program and demonstrate proof that you are working it every day. Apologize for everything you broke. These are all actions that show your commitment to restoring security, trust, faith, confidence, and happiness to your partner and your marriage.

We have officially launched our INNER CIRCLE GROUP for SPOUSES, PARENTS AND FAMILIES! Join us NOW

Honesty. That is the key and the foundation to sobriety. This is also where every addict wanting to get sober must start their journey. Be honest. Be honest with YOURSELF. That is the very first step in the journey through recovery and sobriety. ... Start with being honest with yourself about your addiction. Be honest about what you have done, how that has affected every aspect of your life and every relationship you have and have had. Be honest about how you feel about your addiction, yourself and the choices you have made. A great way to get truly honest is to write it down. Journal your thoughts feelings and your journey. You may find yourself coming back to it again and again to get EVERYTHING down. Dig deep here. Get to the roots. Be honest about being honest. See more

THE INNER CIRCLE: Weekly Online Group Discussions on the topics YOU want UNLIMITED online support Weekly Individual Check-in Monthly Ask the Family group video call... Build relationships with others who understand JOIN HERE: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

A "slip". You or they had a "slip". This is an interesting statement we hear too often. So we ask, exactly what is a "slip"? Did you relapse? Yes? Then it was a relapse. Did you use? Yes? Then it was a relapse and you are in active addiction until you decide not to be. When you decide not to be in active addiction or an "Addict" anymore than you also must decide to STOP LIVING IN DELUSION. Pretending that the reality of your situation, decision, relapse and using is any...thing less than what it is, is a DELUSION. You are not sober is you are relapsing or using. You are working on your recovery but there is still much work to be done if you are still turning to you DOC. Keep working on your recovery and finding your sources and deal with them, heal from them and move forward. The first step is to get out of DELUSION and into REALITY. See more

When you are struggling or confused or feeling lost you need to reach out. Recognize that this is a time to ask for what you need. This is a time that obviously you are not handling it well on your own and REACH OUT. Get some help. When you are sober and living a healthy balanced life and have strength and knowledge about yourself and ways to deal with life's challenges, REACH OUT. Give some help. Helping others is incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. This is your time to give. Connection is essential to sobriety. Getting sober and staying sober. Reach out.

Are you struggling with triggers? Are you relapsing? Do you fee frustrated with the recovery process? Are you struggling with disclosure? Have you not found a group that fits for you?... JOIN the INNER CIRCLE here: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

The INNER CIRCLE: There is no topic unacceptable. All feelings, frustrations and successes are discussed. This is where we can share in a safe, private and encouraging place. Let go of your judgments and your filters and pour it all out! ... JOIN HERE: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

Nourishing Your Relationships Did you grow up in a home where your mother would make cookies for someone else, perhaps a neighbour or friend, and give them the nicest, most perfect and delicious ones and keep the burnt cookies for you and your family? Understandably, it would not make much sense to give out burnt cookies as gifts, but why did other families get the delicious ones and you did not? Perhaps you see this as a trend throughout your childhood of giving to other hou...seholds before you give to yours. The choices that were made during your childhood are in the past and were not yours to make. Your choices today are. Today, and every day, your choices are yours. Are you giving more to your friends, co-workers, and extended family than you are to your own children and spouse? Are you taking time and energy away from your family in order to give to others? It is an important life lesson to learn how to share ourselves in a way that creates the life and relationships that we truly want. Give your best to those that are important to you. They deserve the respect, patience and love that you have to give. Nourish the relationships that are important. In case you haven't heard one of our favourite sayings, The grass is greener where you water it.

There may be times in your relationship where you find yourself in conflict over something that is an issue for only one of you. Well, you don’t need to agree, but you do need to listen. Listen to what your partner is struggling with and why they feel it is important. You don’t need to agree that it is an issue and certainly don’t need to solve it for them. As their partner you do need to acknowledge and try to understand their point of view on the subject. Offer suggest...ions, support, or just to listen when they need to talk about it. If it is a non-issue for you, then why has it become a conflict at all? Perhaps it is important to your partner but doesn’t affect you one way or the other. If that’s the case, allow your partner their solution to the issue. When you find yourself in a situation where your partner has an issue with something, but you do not, this could be an excellent opportunity to give to your partner! Find out what the issue is, and if it’s not an issue for you, use this a chance to build up your relationship and give a little to your partner! For example: Your wife gets upset when the garbage is full and needs to be taken out and you haven’t done it. You didn’t know it was full. She’s upset and you don’t know why. What’s the big deal? Your wife may feel like she is the only one that notices these things, she may feel overwhelmed with household chores or she may feel that she is tired of reminding you to do your share. Taking out the garbage is not something that you think should cause an argument. It is NOT a big deal for you. Solution: AFTER you take out the garbage, try to find out why it upset her so much. Then address that. Find opportunity to give some attention to her needs. Get into the habit of really looking at the garbage level every time you throw something in. Take it out before she has the chance to ask. For example: Your husband gets upset when you leave the gas tank empty. You never really pay attention as every time you get in there is enough gas to go where you need to. He’s upset and you don’t understand. What’s the big deal? Your husband may feel like he is the constantly having to add time to his day to stop at the gas station to fill up the car when he already has enough to get done in the day. He may feel like you are careless about taking care of your vehicle. Stopping for gas is not something that you feel should cause an argument. It is NOT a big deal for you. Solution: Set up a routine of stopping for gas on the same day each week. Maybe get a car wash while you are there. Show appreciation where it is deserved for his time and efforts for taking care of that task when you did not. Your non-issues are easy opportunities to give to your partner. These small gestures added up help to show attention to your partner in your everyday life together. Love and thoughtfulness create love and appreciation.

What You Can Do For Your Partner If your marriage has been devastated by the deceit and betrayal of addictive behaviour, it will take effort and time to repair what was broken. There must be healing for the addict, for the betrayed partner, and for the marriage itself. For the addict, some aspects of healing are not under your control. For example, you cannot say when she will be ready to trust again. You cannot decide for her that she has had enough time to get through every...thing. But there are many things that are most definitely in your power to do, every day, to show your commitment to fixing the damage. Be honest. Tell everything. Now, not later. Tell where you are. Give them logins and passwords. There should be nothing left to hide. Share thoughts and feelings. Be the first one to reach out and offer trust. Be patient. Earn it back. Some aspects of your partner’s world have been flipped completely upside down, and other aspects have been ripped away completely. In cases of disclosure, they possibly learned in the space of two hours what you have known for 20 years. Follow a sobriety program and demonstrate proof that you are working it every day. Apologize for everything you broke. These are all actions that show your commitment to restoring security, trust, faith, confidence, and happiness to your partner and your marriage.

We have officially launched our INNER CIRCLE GROUP for SPOUSES, PARENTS AND FAMILIES! Join us NOW

Honesty. That is the key and the foundation to sobriety. This is also where every addict wanting to get sober must start their journey. Be honest. Be honest with YOURSELF. That is the very first step in the journey through recovery and sobriety. ... Start with being honest with yourself about your addiction. Be honest about what you have done, how that has affected every aspect of your life and every relationship you have and have had. Be honest about how you feel about your addiction, yourself and the choices you have made. A great way to get truly honest is to write it down. Journal your thoughts feelings and your journey. You may find yourself coming back to it again and again to get EVERYTHING down. Dig deep here. Get to the roots. Be honest about being honest. See more

THE INNER CIRCLE: Weekly Online Group Discussions on the topics YOU want UNLIMITED online support Weekly Individual Check-in Monthly Ask the Family group video call... Build relationships with others who understand JOIN HERE: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/ See more

A "slip". You or they had a "slip". This is an interesting statement we hear too often. So we ask, exactly what is a "slip"? Did you relapse? Yes? Then it was a relapse. Did you use? Yes? Then it was a relapse and you are in active addiction until you decide not to be. When you decide not to be in active addiction or an "Addict" anymore than you also must decide to STOP LIVING IN DELUSION. Pretending that the reality of your situation, decision, relapse and using is any...thing less than what it is, is a DELUSION. You are not sober is you are relapsing or using. You are working on your recovery but there is still much work to be done if you are still turning to you DOC. Keep working on your recovery and finding your sources and deal with them, heal from them and move forward. The first step is to get out of DELUSION and into REALITY. See more

When you are struggling or confused or feeling lost you need to reach out. Recognize that this is a time to ask for what you need. This is a time that obviously you are not handling it well on your own and REACH OUT. Get some help. When you are sober and living a healthy balanced life and have strength and knowledge about yourself and ways to deal with life's challenges, REACH OUT. Give some help. Helping others is incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. This is your time to give. Connection is essential to sobriety. Getting sober and staying sober. Reach out.

This is one of the most frequently asked questions. There are so many things that you can do to help your loved one while they are active in their addiction, in recovery, or sober and living in reality. One of the ABSOLUTE BEST ways that you can help and support and encourage change, growth and progress is by COMMUNICATING! Shocker, I know! We are always communicating about the importance of communication! While you are working through your own trauma and sorting out your ...own thoughts and feeling, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. While you are working on what to do next to continue to progress and grow and change and make better choices in the future, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you are having a bad day, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you are having an incredible day, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you are struggling and don't know what to do, what to think or how to feel, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you have an "ah-ha" moment, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you have moments of sadness, resentment, frustration and grief, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. When you have moments of excitement, discovery, understanding and joy, TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR ADDICT. Open up. Share it all. Show them how its done. ***Notice this is all about you and your journey? And sharing about you and what's going on for you? *** See more

There may be times that you are unable to attend a meeting or a group and are still in need of support. There are other options available for you. Stay on track in your recovery and your sobriety. #norelapse #noexcuses

WE HAVE OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED OUR INNER CIRCLE GROUPS! Check them out here: https://addictionreality.com/inner-circle/

Do not fear this darkness. Harness the potential of this opportunity. This is an opportunity to focus on yourself and rediscover what’s important and meaningful to you. This is an opportunity to make your own healthy meals. Get some exercise. Go for a walk. This is an opportunity to learn, try something new, expand yourself.... This is an opportunity to connect or reconnect with your spouse, children, family and friends. This is an opportunity for spirituality. Prayer. Reflection. Clarity. This is an opportunity to slow down. Rest. Recover and learn from life’s challenges. Challenges and opportunities are not for us to fear, they are for us to learn. Sit and be still. This is the time. Be reflective. Reconnect in ways that are meaningful and honest. Take care of yourself. This is your time. SHARE THIS WITH ANYONE THAT NEEDS A PERSPECTIVE CHANGE TODAY See more

We had a call over the weekend from an addict in recovery and his wife as they were having a disagreement in regards to some advice that the husband received from his peers in a group. When we get a call like this, our response is always: Did you get the results that you wanted? Are you happy? Is your wife happy? Did you get the results that you wanted?... What needs to change to get the results that you actually want? Sometimes you might find the advice that you get in your group or with your peers may not always work for you or your relationship. It may have worked for them but this doesn’t mean that their way is the right way or the only way. Your results should always create growth and happiness for you as an individual as well as in your relationship. Be mindful and aware of the advice that you bring with you into your home, into your heart and into your relationships.

Building trust: Security Blankets Rebuilding trust in any relationship that has been through addiction can be difficult. At times it may even seem impossible. Creating a sense of security can be vital during this process. A security blanket can create reassurance, ease and comfort for your spouse or parent. It will give you an opportunity to show through action that you are putting forth efforts to rebuild and take responsibility for the unease and fear that you have creat...ed in your spouse or parent. Take this opportunity! Have the conversation with your parent or partner. What is your security blanket? (This may depend on what addictions your loved one struggled with.) Think about what triggers you and what can your loved one do to reduce or limit those triggers for you. What are some things you can do to provide security for your partner or parent? Call your partner when you are leaving work for any reason Give them ALL of your passwords. When you are using your phone to browse social media or the internet, sit beside them so they can look at what you are doing. Talk more. Share more. Listen more. Do more. Don't miss your meetings. Don't miss your appointments. If your partner or parent wants you to participate in a program, read a certain book or article, do it! There is a reason that particular message is one they feel you need to hear. There may be times, usually shortly after discovery or disclosure, that your partner or parent may want to monitor your phone or whereabouts. You may want to fight that, but why? You no longer have to hide or lie. Having accountability for what you do online is an excellent way to work on building trust. Being accountable for your activities and location throughout the day is also a great tool. Give them what they need. You have planted the doubt in them, now you have the ability to remove it and replace that doubt and fear with trust and security. What a gift!

Addiction can destroy and devastate a marriage. The lies, deceit, hiding and betrayal can shred the foundation between two people. Love can be questioned and even lost in the storm of addiction. By the time the addiction ends and recovery begins, it may feel like your marriage is completely shattered. Fixing a marriage that has been shattered and mutilated through addiction can seem impossible. It may feel like your relationship is completely empty and that there is no hope... of repairing years of broken trust. When we see couples looking through the wreckage of their marriage and the vows that were broken, we help sort through all the pieces to find what is left to grow upon. In that pile of rubble somewhere are the seeds of your relationship and the beginning of what first brought you together. We do not often suggest that a marriage wrecked by the trauma of addiction be repaired. Instead we suggest that you come together and begin an entirely new one. Start with the seeds and nurture it. Each day put love and energy into your new relationship and watch it grow stronger and fuller. The trauma from addiction must end, and the pain from the past must be worked through and healed as you progress and move forward in your life. We encourage you to work through the feelings from the old marriage in a way that does not creep into your new marriage. Work on letting go of the past. The pain and hurts that were a part of your old marriage do not need to come with either of you into the new one. These need to be healed and you need to work through each one, but the new marriage does not need to suffer. It will instead grow through the healing. When an addict has become sober and proven worthy of trust again, you will feel secure enough to commit to a new relationship. Some partners describe this as though they had actually divorced and were seeing someone new. A new relationship starts with a new seed. An addict that has become sober IS a new person. It's nice to meet you.

A lot of questions coming in about where to start when setting your boundaries. Check out this article. Feel free to share!