Alexa Gelles Counselling
#413-119 West Pender St V6B 1S5 Vancouver, BC, Canada

Friendships are important for social and mental health but best friends hold even more value in your life. Best friends are harder to come by, but when you find one, they make such an impact on your life that you wonder how you ever lived without them. With restrictions right now, it may be hard to connect with friends in person, but they'll always be there when things open back up. Tag your best friend to remind them that you're thinking about them right now!

In a relationship, solvable problems are, well solvable. While it would be easy to deal with problems if they all had a solution, most partnered issues are perpetual. In fact, 69% of problems are perpetual. Unlike solvable problems, perpetual problems are repetitive in nature. They often have a deeper meaning, and don’t have a straightforward solution. When these issues don’t get managed, they can gridlock creating feelings of resentment and disconnection over time. How do you deal with solvable versus perpetual problems in your relationship?

Read that again. Say it out loud. You do not have to do this alone. One of the benefits of being connected online, is access to a variety of different support systems, mental health resources, online therapy, and more. If you're feeling stuck, I am always available to connect.

When all you can see in your marriage are the problems, you have a much harder time finding the good things (and there are usually good things!) to be grateful for. Looking at everything that’s wrong with your marriage can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of dissatisfaction. By adjusting your focus and taking on a more grateful attitude, you may see your marriage and your life through a whole new lens. What are you grateful for in your marriage, and when did you last share this with your spouse?

There’s no denying it, the 2020 Holiday Season is going to be different. While it would be easy to focus on all the ways this year has been challenging, there is no time like the present to adopt more gratitude and a positively oriented mindset afterall, isn’t that what the holidays are really about? Connection starts with you, so here are just a few simple tricks to help you stay grounded, grateful, and connected with yourself and others this holiday season: -Gratitude jour...naling/gratitude texting -Set some goals, perhaps personal and professional? -White Elephant or Secret Santa Zoom Party -Give interactive games a spin, these allow you to play from different locations -Exercise -Prioritize learning and growth to prepare for the start of the New Year -Set a new routine and build healthy habits, create a list of affirmations, or just work on anxiety shifting techniques. (Not sure where to start? There are plenty of awesome tips on here, pull a few that resonate with you and give them a try!) See more

Especially on the West Coast, the stark changes in weather can have a serious impact on our mental health. Combined with most of us being stuck inside, we really don't get a chance to get much vitamin D. If you're feeling down, it's okay! Many of us are experiencing this right now. Make sure you prioritize yourself during this time. There are a few that can actively help with symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD: ... -Physical activity -Light therapy (you can now get desktop sized lamps!) -Taking melatonin to help regulate your biological clock -Counselling Are you feeling down due to the change of season? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Negotiation is a core activity in every social relationship. Your ability to negotiate is essential because you cannot always have your way. Honing your negotiating skills is a great advantage to cementing every relationship. Regardless of the circumstances or what you’re seeking, negotiations will never truly work if you’re not prepared to compromise. Instead, you should be strategic and tactical in making things work in your favor. There is no guarantee that you will win every time, but the more you negotiate, the better your relationship with others.

Sometimes it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. Whether you want to check in or check out, here are a few ways you can take time for yourself.

You may or may not have heard of the "Window of Tolerance" before - when we are within our Window of Tolerance we are in our optimal state. We feel calm and at ease. We’re able to deal with things without feeling overwhelmed, and can deal with things productively. We’re able to stay regulated and can provide support to others. External stressors like tensions with a partner can take us out of that Window of Tolerance, making problem-solving impossible. The good news is that l...ike any skill, we can work on strategies to increase this tolerance window, and ultimately how we manage in stressful situations. Practicing mindfulness, and integrating CBT techniques into your day can significantly improve your level of resiliency towards stress - if you're interested in working on these type of skills and techniques, visit www.alexagelles.com to book a session with me. See more

Our brain is already revved up in fight or flight mode because of the pandemic, but that doesn’t mean you should constantly be on the lookout for threats. Because we’re scrolling through the news more than ever before, it’s important to avoid news that brings up distress and instead, seek out the good to keep things in perspective. And believe me, there is plenty good out there! What is a positive story you’ve heard recently? Share it with me in the comments!

Read that again. Say it out loud. You do not have to do this alone. One of the benefits of being connected online, is access to a variety of different support systems, mental health resources, online therapy, and more. If you're feeling stuck, I am always available to connect.

It's not about feeling equal all the time. It's about supporting each other equally every time.

It’s the little things that keep us going. When we take time to practice gratitude around our relationship or marriage it keeps us not only brings us closer, but keeps us resilient to challenging times. What do you you do to make your partner feel appreciated? Make it a weekly goal to show your partner you appreciate them.

When you’re worried about the outcome of a situation, remember that it usually ends up being somewhere in the middle of best and worst case scenario.

What are the strongest aspects of your relationship? When we take time to be grateful for our relationship strengths, it can act as a buffer for the more difficult times in your relationship. Make a mental list, and revisit it often!

In a romantic relationship it's common to experience multiple kinds of intimacy, with some types being more prominent than others. Experiential intimacy relates to spending time with one another doing leisurely activities Emotional intimacy is when people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones.... Intellectual intimacy refers to when people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree. Sexual intimacy is often the one we think about most in relation to intimacy. It refers to connecting in a sensual or sexual way with another. In a romantic relationship it's common to experience multiple kinds of intimacy, with some types being more prominent than others.

What does your weekly routine look like? When we honour time with our partner throughout the week, it creates the space for not only reconnection, but communication and intimacy also.