Angie's Good News & Inspiration

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Hi my name is Chris Walters, some of you may know me as the ghost on the curb holding a cardboard sign, or the homeless guy pushing around all of his possession...s in a rickety grocery cart. I have struggled with drugs and addiction since I was 12 years old and on October 5th, 2019 a week before I turned 37 I decided to change my life, and I am ready to share my story. One would say that I have lived a life less then ideal, I’ve have struggled with trauma as a young child and into my teenage years. I used drugs as a way to escape, a way to belong, and a way to be accepted. When I was 22 Years old, I was a single dad of two, trying to just get by, I was working as a meat cutter when I slipped with my knife, cutting through major nerves and leaving me with nothing, but an arm that had very little mobility, severe nerve pain, and a detrimental prescription to Opioids. I continued to live like this for the following 10 years, just going through the motions, abusing my prescription, and watching my addiction spiral out of control. My dosage kept getting prescribed stronger and my dependancy at this point had completely consumed me. I was loosing everything; control of my self, my choices, I lost my family, my children and my home. For the past five years, up until a year ago today, I was living as a homeless man on the streets of Red Deer doing whatever I could just to survive and to feed my addiction. I was an intravenous drug user, using approximately 2 grams of fentanyl/car fentanyl per day , and injecting around 15 times every 24 hours. I have overdosed on numerous occasions, and a few times it was very close to being fatal. I was injected with multiple doses of naloxone, and because of the organization, the trained staff, and the availability of this life saving drug, is the only reason why I am here today. A lot of people wonder why? Why didn’t I just stop? Why did I inject for the first time? What made me consciously take that needle and decide to, in an instant, become a slave to this drug. The answer is because I had nothing left to loose, I had already lost my dignity, my family, I had no one left that cared, no one to love and support me, and when I made that decision the only thing I was wanting to achieve was to forget. To escape, to not feel anymore hurt from my past, to silence the demons in my head, and to numb the feeling that I had no kind of a promising future. Nothing to look forward to and literally nothing to loose. I woke up every single morning dope sick and every night I crawled into the shadows hoping that it would be my last night and that I wouldn’t have to wake up the next day to do it all over again. 365 days ago I made the commitment to change my life and to start living for the first time. I wish I had the ability to put words on paper that could completely describe the state I was in while detoxing. I am not going to lie, detoxing off opioids is absolutely terrible. The sickness and the pain are unbearable, nothing a person can even imagine. I felt like I wanted to actually die, I thought I was dying! Every joint, muscle, and bone hurt. My skin hurt, the hot and cold sweats, the stomach upset, severe headache, the feeling that my body was actually going to stop functioning. Then the panic and the extreme anxiety, the anger, and then the feeling of complete helplessness knowing that there was no way I could actually do this, I needed it, my body wasn’t going to survive without it. Every unimaginable feeling the body can feel, I felt. Also the emotional pain; the fear of the unknown, the lack of confidence that I could just go back to living a normal life, with a house, a job and a family. What if I didn’t know how to be sober? What if I didn’t like not being high? I was scared of all the feelings, emotions, and heartbreak that I had buried away for so long. I was terrified for everything to come rushing back. I was scared of the shame and the guilt that I would feel, I felt that maybe I deserved to just stay where I was and continue to punish myself. All I can say now, is that as scared as I was, as sick as I was, getting sober and starting my life over was the best thing I have every done. I am so thankful for the strength I found in myself and I am thankful for all the support that I received on my journey into recovery. I found that perfect someone Teri Leanne who saw through the addiction, she gave me love and support, she held onto my fingertips and refused to let go no matter what. She drug me through hell and I am thankful for that. As hard as it was, and as hard as it was on her, she stuck by me and still stands by and supports me every single day. She looked past everything that I was and only saw the person that had been buried alive over a decade ago and she saw the person that I still wanted to be, even though I had no idea how to get there on my own. She found it in herself to believe in me when there was no way that I can even begin to believe in myself. I have scars and they run deep; physically what I put my body through, the emotional and mental trauma that I have experienced. I am choosing every day, one day at a time, to allow myself to heal and to be the person that I truly believe that I was supposed to be in the first place. I have been given a second chance and I’m not going to waste it. I have done things that I am not proud of to survive and to support my addiction. My survival for the past 5 years solely relied on the generosity of the citizens of Red Deer. I will never be able to repay this, the only thing I can now do is pay it forward. I give back when I can and I volunteer my time to help others. This past year I have made more personal progress then I have my whole life. A month after I became sober I was working back as a meat cutter full time, and 7 months ago I started working construction for a company building apartment complexes. I am in my first year apprenticeship for carpentry, I have paid off all of my fines that I accumulated while being homeless, I studied and passed for my learners drivers licence and I am so proud to say that I have become a contributing and upstanding citizen. A lot of people came together to help me get where I am today and I can not even begin to express how appreciative and thankful I am for all the kindness and support. I feel like I took on the impossible, and I actually came out on the other side. I actually did it and I couldn’t be happier. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If anyone has someone that has been battling with addiction, please don’t give up. There is still hope. PLEASE SHARE, I want people to know if I can do it, so can they!! Turning Point Safe Harbour Society Red Deer Dream Centre Royal Canadian Mounted Police Discovery Walk-In & Medical Clinic, Red Deer SoberDad Jordan Allen Westfall Dr. Jody Carrington The City of Red Deer The Mustard Seed Devon Letourneau Christine BL Harris Line of hope, Red Deer style! Valentin Iten

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