Bronwyn Singleton Therapy
60 Atlantic Avenue, Suite 200 M6K 1X9 Toronto, ON, Canada

This post is designed help you understand the technical side of e-counselling. I’ll discuss the delivery options available to you and how they work. By the end of this post, you should have a better understanding of which online tools are best suited to meet your needs, and how we could use technology to further your success in therapy.

Jay Z (a.k.a. Mr. Beyonce) went to therapy. And he has some notable insights. Here’s what I love about Jay Z on therapy: 1. His stress on emotional fluency as the key to successful therapy. And his emphasis on how difficult and yet liberating coming to terms with feeling can be. 2. Jay Z says men, and especially black men, have a particularly hard time getting themselves to therapy. He links this to a reluctance to acknowledge their feelings. He sees that this masculine rejec...tion of feeling is cultural and learnedso it can be re-wired AND that we’re better off as individuals and communities when this happens. I was just saying there was a lot of fights in our neighborhood that started with 'What you looking at? Why you looking at me? You looking at me?' And then you realize: 'Oh, you think I see you. You're in this space where you're hurting, and you think I see you, so you don't want me to look at you. And you don't want me to see you.'" 3. He tells us that marital therapy was hard, in large part because he had to get good with himself: The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused, and then having to deal with yourself. But again he argues that not being real with his feelings was likely at the root of his marital turmoil: You go into survival mode You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect And then all the things happen from there: infidelity 4. He argues that therapy should be available for kids: "I think actually it should be in our schools. Children have the most going on. Their minds aren't fully developed." This would also help to normalize and de-stigmatize therapy.

Do you want to get to therapy more regularly but something keeps getting in your way? The convenience of e-therapy could make for a good solution. Read on to see whether e-therapy might be for you.

Who said: I just started therapy. I love it, I love it. I went through two therapists to get to the right one. AND... I think I spent a lot of time avoiding feelings and building structures, you know, around feelings. And now I have no time left for that. Thank you, Brad Pitt! 1. I love Brad’s enthusiasm for therapy. Some people worry that therapy will make them feel worse and leave the in a soggy puddle. Therapy is work and it doesn’t always feel great BUT therapy is ultimately designed to empower you and help you grow. There IS a lot to love about therapylike getting to know yourself better, cultivating self-acceptance, and discovering new strengths and capabilities that you didn’t know were part of you. 2. Brad’s right (again!) when he says that sometimes it can take more than one try to find the right therapist for you. Doing your research can definitely help mitigate a mis-match, but it’s OK to admit that you’re not a great fit with a practitioner. This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. 3. Feelings. Ah, feelings. I think Brad’s nailed this one too. Many people come to therapy to improve emotional fluency. Often this means learning or re-learning to feel. Some of us were never taught to honour our feelings, others may have had an experience that led us to tamp down or mute certain emotions, or perhaps we grew up with messaging that only certain feelings were permissible. Learning emotional capability is a huge part of therapy. It’s one of the toughest parts, but one of the most rewarding. And I say that as someone who, like Brad, had to LEARN to feel. It is possible!

Finding the right therapist can feel hopeless and exhausting. And if you’re googling therapist, you’re probably already under some stress. Don’t despair! Streamline your search by working through the FOUR following steps:

Did you know that over 50 unique sexual orientations and gender positions have been identifiedand the list is growing! Sexual orientation is about attractionit identifies who you’re attracted to sexually and romantically. Sexual orientation is part of sexual identity, but sexual identity also includes gender identity and gender expression.... I’ve been wanting to update my web site and marketing materials to indicate that I welcome clients who identify beyond binary and heteronormative sexualities. But with so many sexual identities proliferating it’s challenging to find the right acronym. After some great discussions with some smart people, I’ve decided to go with the designation recognized by the Toronto Arts’Council: 2SLGBTQIAP. Some people take umbrage with the multiplicity of sexual identities proliferating recently, as if they can’t all be real. But I think this diverse and creative landscape is amazing. Sexual freedom has been the province of only a very few in history, but now it’s opening up. This doesn’t mean it’s a carnal free-for-all, and understanding and respect for issues of consent and sexual rights have come to the fore as we’ve become more attuned to the fluidity and creativity of sexuality. Stay tuned for more posts from me exploring the amazing and evolving vocabulary of sexuality. Contact me for a FREE 20-minute phone consultation. #sexpositive #libertyvillagetoronto #couplestherapy #rainbowrights #torontoartscouncil

10% of men get PPND (Paternal Post-Natal Depression) within three months of their child’s birth (sometimes beginning during the pregnancy). . About 26% of new fathersone in FOURsuffer PPND within six-months following their child’s birth. PPND can manifest as depression or anxiety. Depression in men often presents with different symptoms than for women. Look for: anger, withdrawal, substance abuse or addictive behaviours (including workaholism), violent outbursts, or risk-ta...king behaviour (including sexual indiscretions and affairs). . Factors that may contribute to or trigger post-partum mood disorders in dads include: i) lack of sleep, which can wear down the body and make it more vulnerable to stress, ii) hormonal shifts, which most people don’t realize occur in new fathers, iii) difficulty bonding with the baby, especially if a child is colicky or challenging, iv) feelings of isolation as attention is focused on the child and mom, v) worry about financial and parenting responsibilities and anxiety about his new role and whether he’s measuring up, vi) a personal history of depression and/OR having a co-parent who is also suffering from PPD. A big part of the problem is that people often fail to check in with Dad about his emotional state and his feelings about fatherhood. This includes medical professionals. So if you know a new dad, ask how he’s doing, even if you don’t think he’s the kind of guy who will open up about his feelings. You might be surprised. And if he says he’s struggling, support him in finding help. A doctor or therapist is a great place to start.

Here, I continue to share some of the most common complaints that motivate people to seek help from me as a therapist. If you’ve been wondering whether therapy might be right for you or someone you love, read on.

Have you done something nice for your partner today? If not, I recommend sweetening up. So does John Gottman. JG is a legend in couples therapy. He spent 40+ years studying the vexing question of why some couples stay together while others end up on the rocks. After careful observations in his love lab (seriously), Gottman found that he could predict which couples would divorce with 94% accuracy.... The secret formula is basically being nice. Gottman found that couples who stayed together had significantly more positive emotional interactions than couples who detonated. A positive emotional interaction is any attempt for connection that ends on a good note. It’s about responsiveness and being-there. It’s the simple difference between yes, my darling vs. an eye roll when asked to pick up milk on the way home. It’s the tiny magic of a kiss on the cheek on the way out the door (physical gestures count!) vs. rushing out without saying goodbye. Gottman says every felicitous interaction is an investment in your emotional bank account. And it takes five positive interactions to cancel out one negative interaction, so this is cumulative and ongoing work. Negativity and indifference are relationship killers and they need to be shut down before they can do their damage. Positive emotional interactions decrease when couples start to take each other for granted, when we stop being grateful or mindful of the other, when we start treating the other as an object. You get it. In an established relationship partners can even begin to feel entitled to be snarky or indifferent. We discover in time that our mate is imperfect. And this can feel infuriating. So, to distill this information: If you want love to last, be nicer to your partner. The good news is that nicety has a way of proliferating. It grows fast. Try it for a week and see for yourself whether it yield resultslike greater connection. This is a case for sweating the small stuff. So play nicer. It’s so easy, so hard, and so important.

I probably love Michelle Obama even more than Barack does after reading her forthright and moving comments about marriage, miscarriage, and couples therapy. I especially adore Michelle for breaking through the shame barrier that prevents people from talking about marital therapy, fearing that it will be perceived as a sign of deficiency. I know too many young couples who struggle and think somehow, there’s something wrong with them I want them to know that Michelle and Bar...ack Obama who have a phenomenal marriage and who love each other we work on our marriage and we get help with our marriage when we need it. I also appreciate her willingness to underscore that relationships require active work. Michelle is spot on in characterizing a huge part of marital therapy as work on the self. Strong partners stand strong in themselves. This can be scary for couples, fearing that their differentiation might point to disintegration of their bond. But couples need to remain individuals and to support and acknowledge each other in their differences. This respect and recognition of separateness within the partnership is vulnerable work, but it’s necessary in a mature relationship. From the brilliant Mrs. Obama: What I learned about myself [in therapy] was that my happiness was up to me and I started working out more, I started asking for help, not just from him but from other people I stopped feeling guilty. #couplestherapytoronto #libertyvillagetoronto #michelleobama #relationshipgoals

So, how do you really know when it’s time to give therapy a try? Here are seven reasons why people find themselves in my office

Saying no is a shockingly effective strategy for mitigating stress and burn-out. But setting healthy boundaries is hard for a lot of people. We worry about disappointing others, missing out, or being perceived as selfish or mean. Setting personal boundaries is an important self care skill and it often has to be practiced and learned. This is just ONE reason people come to therapy. Learn about other reasons people find themselves in my office here: https://www.bronwynsingleton.com//seven-reasons-you-might-