Connective Solutions Counselling

One week left until the 'Nature Inspires' opening reception; next Sunday March 10th, 4PM-9PM; at Hip Salon, 2488 Stephens Street, Kitsilano. The energy of Spring will be abundant, the day will be flooded with sun, and an extra hour of daylight! Come celebrate art, nature's ever-changing yet inspiring moods; or just come to hang out, look at art, and chit chat with others. Snacks and light refreshments will be served; all are welcome. ... See you there! See more

You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are. ~Yogi Bhajan Power is in your decision to get out of bed this morning; power is in your decision to breath in deeply and exhale with relief; power is in your decision to eat or not eat, or what to eat; power is in your decision to leave the house; power is in your decision to put one foot in front of the other time and time again, and move forward; power is in the decision to smile at someone you see; to stop an...d help a stranger with something; power is in your decision to speak from the heart or from your head; power is in your decision to speak the truth or tell a lie ... there is power in everything you do. Do you feel powerful? To get at how deep your power runs, checkout this list of 35 'powerful questions' in Forbes:

"The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination." (Carl Rogers) For Monday's Mindful Moment, I am mindful that in beginning a new week, some things may feel like a continuance of the past, some things may feel like new crises to be piled on and 'managed', and still other things feel like a diversion from some goal, or 'destination' BUT getting through everything, or the week, or the day... or the moment and experiencing happiness is not ...about feelings. It is about doing - meeting each thing, showing up each moment to decide to be conscious and able to choose to live life as best as possible ... Whatever has to be done, there will always be a choice to do or not. To feel miserable or not. To accept limitations or not. To accept challenges ... or not. Exercising choice with my mind and my actions takes me further in happiness than imagining that I will be happy when... or if ... or after whatever thing I get through. My direction is my choice and I choose to meet challenges, make decisions that compel me to action and take me from Monday to Tuesday to Wednesday ... and so on. Happy Mindful Monday - have a great week!

I am practicing patience and the patient pursuit of dreaming productively, compassion in intimate relationship(s) and loving self-care ... It has been a busy a...nd productive week that continues with its challenges and triumphs, as the art of practicing things evolves from one thing into another. Happy transitioning from one week into the next: practice by doing. May loving Patience, Conscious Dreaming, Compassion, and Self-care be a part of all you do this week.

November 13, 2013 Today, on this glorious day, I am going to share this week's 'Heart Advice' from Pema Chodron; because it resonates with me ... each day is my day in the same way it is your day; we are all connected and when I strengthen my understanding and empathy and share it with YOU I am making the choice to gather virtue, and to experience happiness ... I hope in sharing my happiness I can help to create more happiness in the world! 'ANY ENCOUNTER OFFERS US A CHOICE... This is an idea that seems difficult for Westerners to accept: when someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. Its not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, wed be the cause of their gathering virtue. What I find helpful in this teaching is that whats true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it. ' Have a wonderfully virtuous day ... and remember this day is your day as much as it is my day!

To 'lovingly disengage' is not to withdraw to punish: it is to take loving care of yourself and to remove yourself from perceived harm in someone else's behaviour ... and as well, prevent conflict that will not result in resolution. To 'lovingly disengage' is not running away, not burying your head in the sand, BUT moving to a place where you can be patient and simmer in the situation, and not reacting, exacerbating the situation. It is loving yourself and providing your ...self and the other(s) space, until the situation is no longer perceived as harmful: Pema Chodron describes the process so well, in different ways, but most prolific, for me are described in the following 2 ways: " (1) The four methods for holding our seat provide just such support for developing the patience to stay open to what's happening instead of acting on automatic pilot. These four methods are: 1. not setting up the target for the arrow, 2. connecting with the heart, 3. seeing obstacles as teachers, and 4. regarding all that occurs as a dream. (2) the dynamic use and practice of patience: Patience is an enormously wonderful and supportive and even magical practice. Its a way of completely changing the fundamental human habit of trying to resolve things by going either to the right or the left, calling things right or calling things wrong. Its the way to develop courage, the way to find out what life is really about. Patience is also not ignoring. In fact, patience and curiosity go together. You wonder, Who am I? Who am I at the level of my neurotic patterns? Who am I at the level beyond birth and death? If you wish to look into the nature of your own being, you need to be inquisitive. The path is a journey of investigation, beginning to look more deeply at whats going on. The teachings give us a lot of suggestions about what we can look for, and the practices give us a lot of suggestions on how to look. Patience is one extremely helpful suggestion. Aggression, on the other hand, prevents us from looking: it puts a tight lid on our curiosity. Aggression is an energy that is determined to resolve the situation into a hard, solid, fixed pattern in which somebody wins and somebody loses." So lovingly disengage if need be; explore your self lovingly, patiently, and be sure you are not withdrawing or entertaining the need to punish, or seeking resolution that does not exist. Happy Mindful Monday!

Simmering ... but not in an irritated, aggressive way. More like a slow, "savoring in the sit". I am practicing to 'sit with something' rather that react to or immediately engage and attempt to interact with. In sitting with something, I let it simmer as simply happening and allow myself time to process, and be a part of it without forcing myself into it. If I am meant to be called to action, it will come when I know how best to proceed. My positive action will come fro...m a place of patience, tolerance and kindness when I sit first THEN act - or not act, as may be the case. So, 'savor the sit' as we enter the weekend tomorrow; practice sitting with something, pausing, breathing and waiting to see what happens, rather than reacting ... unless of course it is a matter of life and death! But then, most times when we react hastily, it feels as though it is a matter of life and/or death... I'll leave you with this entry from PemaChodron on 'How to Simmer:' "Not acting on our habitual patterns is only the first step toward not harming others or ourselves. The transformative process begins at a deeper level when we contact the rawness were left with whenever we refrain. As a way of working with our aggressive tendencies, Dzigar Kongtrül teaches the nonviolent practice of simmering. He says that rather than boil in our aggression like a piece of meat cooking in a soup, we simmer in it. We allow ourselves to wait, to sit patiently with the urge to act or speak in our usual ways and feel the full force of that urge without turning away or giving in. Neither repressing nor rejecting, we stay in the middle between the two extremes, in the middle between yes and no, right and wrong, true and false. This is the journey of developing a kindhearted and courageous tolerance for our pain."

Open up those windows, those doors ... maybe more than a cold breeze will come in ... But first, one must open up the eyes! I find myself becoming aware that it takes a different kind of effort to be open and awake at this time of year. I am speaking about being open-minded and awake to more than just my own agenda(s). It is so easy to move about my day, trying to keep warm and keep on schedule that I can become closed off and forget that the more closed off I am the col...der, or the less connected I will feel to others, and then in turn, my self . And so today I am practicing to 'pause ... touch the energy of the moment ... allow a gap ...' I'm going consciously pause, not fill the air around me with my self-importance, and let whatever is outside myself, fill in the gap and see where that takes me. As Pema Chodron says: 'Basic wakefulness, natural openness, is always available. This openness is not something that needs to be manufactured. When we pause, when we touch the energy of the moment, when we slow down and allow a gap, self-existing openness comes to us. It does not require a particular effort. It is available anytime.' A cool exercise to try: Become acutely aware of other people's words and actions. Stop and really observe and listen . Soak in what they are telling you. What you say back is less important than their sensing that you are truly listening. And pause and reflect before responding or interacting ... avoid reacting and emphasize interacting. Minimize the number of words used to respond. And see what the difference is in the space that exists between your thoughts and words.

Let's talk about 'Communication' The Dalai Lama: 'A compassionate attitude helps you communicate more easily with your fellow human beings. As a result, you make more genuine friends and the atmosphere around you is more positive, which gives you greater inner strength. This inner strength helps you spontaneously concern yourself with others, instead of thinking only about yourself' How to cultivate more compassion in your heart; and into your attitude and daily actions?... Investigate - Relate - Select - Practice - Develop a routine - Practice Look into what 'compassion 'means to you; how that translates into actions you can fit into your lifestyle; choose one or two those actions you can try in your daily life; witness the effects and adjust accordingly; and practice practice practice until it becomes a routine. This will ensure you are communicating harmoniously with the world around you; the people in your life and your self! Happy Freedom Friday Folks!

'Relax. Breathe. Impress it upon my mind again and again that strain does not actually help me accomplish. Good enough is good enough. Perfectionism ruins all good things. There is no contest to win and no race to finish. All this kind of panic does is help me to further elude the present moment.' (April Theriot, Tiny Buddha) Short and sweet today: When you recognize that you have yet again let the Present Moment get away from you, instead of getting angry (natural) or panic...king (natural), welcome your mind back ... being present in the moment is a gift that when it arrives, it must be welcomed with love and acceptance, with no judgement(s).

Checkout my colleague''s biz... sensitive , smart and supportively savvy - Lisa Marinaccio-Ramos

That 'Leap of Faith' is something we all are familiar with, whether or not we do it, contemplate it, or watch others do it, and admire or wish we could do it too. To take a leap of faith means to do something, irrespective of fear, and whether or not efforts / action will have a desired outcome. This takes courage ... Courage is not an absence of fear; it is faith in action that comes with embracing fear as part of the process. Fear can be a big booming presence in our life;... at times overruling our inner voice of hope, dreams, and desire. It is the wisdom of our inner voice which must be nurtured with faith - that faith must be nurtured with love. Love of self, love of others, love of whatever things are meaningful, love of all that is good etc Leaping into something with faith does not mean rushing in without thought; it is a recognition in the body, as well as the mind / thoughts, that come what may, an action will be done, thereby allowing the fear to be 'talked' into action. 'Take the Action Challenge: Whether youre ready to take a leap or not, do yourself a favor and start listening to that wise, inner voice of yours. Write down what it says. Let the truth reveal itself to you. Imagine how your life might change for the better if you were to act on its wisdom.' (Thank-you to Cheryl Richardson, www.spiritlibrary.com ) If you do this, theres a good chance that at some point your desire will grow stronger than your fear.

Half-way through the week;here we are at Wellness Wednesday. And in the interest our our health, I encourage being mindful of taking deep belly breaths throughout the day. At inhalation bring the oxygen deep into your lungs, feel it fill you up. Upon exhalation, release all expectations - expectations on others,on yourself, on the world around you. And then, just wait for the clarity, followed by peace - however temporary - just enjoy.... This is a crucial aspect to self-care. Happy Wellness Wednesday! See more

Breathing and Smiling ... Not only Monday can be a great day for being mindful. Friday is a great day to take it a step further: to not only bemindful, but to enjoy mindfulness and revel in it with your breath and body. Breath and Smile: Take a deep breath in, close your eyes, and register with your self that the week is done and done well; breath out and register that... the weekend is here, waiting for you to enjoy fruitfully. And now smile, as you breath in again and realize how grateful you are. No breath out ... Love is all around you; peace is all inside you; gratitude is all about us

I've posted this on FB before, but would like to do so again because it is 'Mindful Monday' and I am particularly mindful today of phrases such as 'mind over matter' and 'mindless eating' or 'mind your manners' ... on and on. Bottom line... or top line,no matter how you look at it, we are stressed out, anxiety-ridden, health conscious yet more dis-eased and unhealthy, yet we are more knowledgeable! Our minds are FULL! ...all related to things that HAVE NOT happened yet, stress is perceived by the mind. So... working on being mindful about the way I perceive things will help. Happy Mindful Monday!

Yes ... it's true: 'Today is a brand new day.A fresh start...' Sounds a little cliche or even trite ... perhaps a little preachy? But... consider it more as a little set of instructions, like 'lather, rinse repeat.' A little obvious once we KNOW it but necessary to state, confirm and reaffirm in order to create patterns, establish routines and ensure reminders to keep one on track! So ... 'lather,rinse,repeat' and all will be well until it is not, then simply do it again! :)

Leaning is on my mind ... To lean in is to allow what is happening, or in other words, move with something rather than fighting it. Ever hear the expression 'go with the flow'? Well, there is merit to that groovy saying after all. It not only entails going with the flow, or just allowing something to be without reacting, it also focuses the mind and separates whatever the outer experience may be from your inner experience. And that sure makes life'e experiences a little ...easier - not creating less stressors, just less suffering because of life's stressors. Some wise words about 'leaning in' from Pema Chodron: 'Lean In' 'The next time you lose heart and you cant bear to experience what youre feeling, you might recall this instruction: change the way you see it and lean in. Instead of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances or on our own weakness, we can choose to stay present and awake to our experience, not rejecting it, not grasping it, not buying the stories that we relentlessly tell ourselves. This is priceless advice that addresses the true cause of sufferingyours, mine, and that of all living beings.'

Man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude. (William James) Most often, because of the way we are brought up and the messages we receive from the external world, we focus on externals and believe stress is caused by events, circumstances, and people around us. This detracts our attention from where our focus would be most productive in times of stress: on our internal world, i.e. on ourselves.... To best support our well-being, we can develop our inner resources. Depending on what our inner resources are , what our 'state of mind' is, we view and interpret the world around us and use that to determine our happiness or unhappiness, as the case may be. Given this,it makes good sense that if we want to experience happiness, we can work on our inner resources, and work to alter our interpretation(s) of the world around us; and thereby change our 'state of mind.' This is what 'mindfulness' aims to achieve - What is Mindfulness? In the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness is 'Paying attention on purpose in the present moment, without making judgements...' Practicing mindfulness by being present and aware helps to build our inner resources, mind & heart fitness. Practicing helps us to gain control our minds and mental / emotional states, rather than being controlled by our external world, and seeking solutions outside ourselves. Here are 7 points in practicing mindfulness that can help bring our awareness into the present moment. Please note, in doing each it helps to say aloud like a mantra as the action is performed; and some may even find it helpful to write each action down. (1) Ask 'what is happening?' (2) Breath into it (3) Ask 'Why not?' (4) 'Catch and Release' (Accept and Let go) (5) Move (move your body) (6) Share ( ask and receive and give) (7) Thank-you (practice gratitude)

So if you are not your mind ... are you what you eat? Well, this is not a health column... but Connective Solutions Counselling is dedicated to mental health and wellness of being...the WHOLE body. And that includes mental mind AND physical body; the beliefs held and the practice of those beliefs. For example: I believe something about myself; I feel certain way because of that belief; I look like this, but I want to look like that; I want to eat this, but I choose to eat ...that ... This is really about choice: what you choose to believe and how you practice that belief; what you choose to put into your body and what you choose do to your body. And these choices will yield certain results, which can be seen in how you act and how your body looks and feels. So, again: are you what you eat? Simply put: You are not what you eat BUT you are a product of your choices. Choose fast food = fast, temporary results = body in deficit sooner Choose slow food = slow, lasting results = body in surplus longer And the same works for what we feed our mind ... Choose to believe the worst=restrict choices=increase negative results Choose to believe the best=more choices=increase positive results Please enjoy the article below - Bon appetit!

"You are not your mind" Such a powerful statement - such a true statement, yet there is so much time being more in mind, or a slave to the 'ego' or a 'prisoner of the mind'. What does that mean exactly, and what is one to do about it? Go with the flow? Embrace the overwhelming power of the mind? the ego? Certainly that is one way to go, but that route is exhausting and dis-ease provoking. Instead, in order to free one's self of the trappings of the mind,or ego, there... must be an awareness of one's own thoughts - or 'thought watching' and observing instead of identifying and attaching to the thoughts, one is more able to let them to exist, drift through and then leave. This is not about 'thought-stopping' ... it is about becoming aware of the thoughts, and disarming their power to control your actions. One can have a thought to do something based on the feeling of desire, but there are also other thoughts that are purely reactive and counter-productive ... those are the thoughts to pay particular attention to. "You are not your mind" ... than what are you, or we if not the mind? We are simple beings who complicate the self with thoughts ... beautiful thoughts, sad thoughts, anxious thoughts, angry thoughts - because we interact with a big and complicated world. But we are really,simply beings who can connect to the world in a meaningful way ... without even thinking about it. We can just be in the world,in what we do and watch the thoughts come and go, and we can be even more than what our mind is. A lot of words above to simply say - be aware of your thoughts, watch your thoughts, let them move on without controlling who you are. You are your presence in the world,nothing more - just show up, without thoughts.

'Everyone is born with an inner light. Some of us can hold on to it and others lose it and have to work extremely hard to get it back.' How we understand reality and how we perceive reality can be two different, and conflicting views. Where those 2 intersect is the point of ignition: perception meets reality = your 'spark' that ignites your inner light. If there is too much discrepancy between how you understand reality and how it actually is, it gets harder and harder to k...eep that inner light burning brightly ... in fact, the wider the gap, the more easily it gets snuffed out! Well enough with the metaphors! How do we get that inner light bright again - that motivation to be fired into action more often than not? I like to use the 5 fingered plan; count on each finger as you do each: (1) breath deeply with the intention to live each moment well (2) move forward, with purpose to do something (3) make mistakes gratefully and move on (4) Pause, reflect and assess; then repeat steps (1) -(4); then move on to (5); (5) celebrate with your self and others, any step taken - mistakes, messes and triumphs... celebrate it all! See more

More on 'Mindfulness', and how to do that through the teachings of Buddhism, as taught by Thich Nhat Hahn. We DO NOT need to be Buddhist to practice these 5 teachings; it just requires a commitment to being truly Happy; to exist in Peace from within the self and within the world; and to engage without an agenda, free to love and to communicate without fear or misunderstanding. Do we not all understand these to be an integral part of our human experience, however difficult ...to maintain? And here are the 5 Teachings to Mindfulness: (1)Reverence For Life Protecting life loving life starts with loving the life in ourselves and not discriminating against our own suffering, our own pain. When we dont discriminate against the ugly things or the painful things in us, then we also learn not to discriminate against people who we believe are not very kind, not very wholesome. Discrimination is the root of the destruction of life. (2) True Happiness True happiness is not made of fame, power, wealth or sensual pleasure, but rather of understanding and love. The capacity to live in the here and the now allows you to recognize that you already have everything you need to be happy. You dont need to run into the future to look for happiness. (3) True Love Its not: I love you, if you meet my needsIts about helping the person you love to be free and happy. (4) Loving Speech and Deep Listening (it) Involves looking deeply and honestly at yourself and improving your relationships through mindful communication the first step is to express appreciation for the person youre speaking to, so that you water his or her good seeds {drawing attention to their positive qualities and helping those qualities grow stronger}. (5) Nourishment and Healing {A little background is necessary here. This teaching talks about the other things that nourish usbeyond literal food, we can consume energy, thoughts, etc} If were around people who have a lot of fear and anger, were eating the collective-consciousness food of fear and anger. But if were around people who are peaceful, that peace is a kind of food. Our thoughts are sometimes not such healthy food, so to stop the stream of thinking and get in touch with whats right here and now is nourishing. If were attentive, we can hear the wind in the trees and the birds singing. There are so many things to be nourished by if we are aware.

Ever wondered if it is better to be mindful, mind-full or mindless? Too much information can be overwhelming, to the point of wanting to escape it all, or just do something or anything else mindlessly! But paying attention to the details can really help, so minding our information is good... how do we know what and when and how to do that without losing our mind? When you are focused on what has already happened, or what has not yet happened, there in between lies what IS h...appening ... and with all that going on, no wonder being mindless is desirable! Herein is what we can mind without overminding or undermining ourselves: Being mindful vs. 'mind-FULL' represents the balance one can find when being aware of the simple things; your breath, your steps, the company you keep and the connections you are sharing with each. As we encounter new experiences with a mindful and wise attention, we discover that one of three things will happen to our new experience: it will go away, it will stay the same, or it will get more intense. whatever happens does not really matter. Jack Kornfield

'I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do.' (Helen Keller) If something can be done, then let's do it - there are choices to make; whether that be to do nothing but breathe deeply, or do something active and move. Your success is your definition and your creation! Connect and find your solution - ask me how!