Dave Huband

Diary of a Covid 19 Self-Isolationist Day 2: 9:05 am:... I walked Izzy on a cloudy morning. Not many people outside. An old man coughed on the sidewalk, so I pushed him under a bus. That’s what they tell you to do, right? Push a coughing old person under a bus? Like they’re doing in Spain? Anyway, other than that, it was a pretty uneventful walk. 11:55 am: No signs of the coronavirus symptoms at all. My pinky finger on my left hand fell off, but I taped it back on with duct tape, so I’m good to go. Oh, my tongue is green, but it’s been like that for a few weeks now, so nothing to worry about there. 2:44 pm: Eddie just binge-watched 12,046 episodes of Perry Mason in one morning. Impressive. 4:02 pm: I just discovered that you can drink the water from our tap. Wow. I did not know that. I’ve used water to cook with, and wash and bathe, but to drink it? That just blows my mind! I wonder if the thousands of people who bought up all the bottled water in Ontario knew that as well? Huh. 7:56 pm: Christina just finished painting the entire condo. For the third time today. Impressive. 11:33 pm: Eddie, Christina, and I played our 20th game of Euchre this evening. Eddie cheated, but you’re supposed to cheat in Euchre, so it’s okay. He also puked on the cards, but he’s always doing that. Nothing to worry about. We are symptom free in this household! Can’t wait for another day of self-isolation!

Diary of a Covid 19 Self-Isolationist Day 1. 8:30 am: I walked Izzy on the trails down by the waterfront. Beautiful sunny morning. An old woman started to cough on the bridge. I pushed her off the bridge, and she swam safely back to shore. She swore at me in Ukrainian. Other than that, it was a pretty uneventful walk.... 9:00 am: Christina made scrambled eggs for breakfast. At least, I think they were eggs. No signs of virus symptoms so far. Other than a bit of blood oozing from my eyeballs. But other than that, I’m feeling great! 10:23 am: Christina reads three novels in 48 minutes. 11:17 am: I go to Sobeys to buy groceries. I have to use the washroom, but there’s no toilet paper in Sobey’s. Not even in their washroom. I drive to Rabba, buy toilet paper, go back to Sobey’s. Go to the washroom again. Use toilet paper. Wash my hands vigorously. Go to buy some food for dinner, but all that’s left is a Beyond Meat hotdog, that expired yesterday, and a lemon cupcake. I buy them. Marilyn, one of the checkout girls, tells me that Sobey’s is open 24 hours, and the best time to buy things is when they restock, at like 3 in the morning. She’s kind of cute. Most of her teeth are missing, but she has a nice personality. 1:40 pm: There are no sports on television, so Eddie binge-watches Cat Poking on CBC Sports. He’s already on Episode 13. 4:17 pm: I have a mild coughing fit. A chunk of something that looks like a piece of liver falls out of my mouth. Other than that, no symptoms of the virus so far. Feeling pretty lucky right about now! 6:30 pm: We eat the stale hotdog and lemon cupcake. Christina prepared them beautifully, amid reading 4 more novels and a biography of Trump. Eddie drools at the table, but then again, he always drools. 8:20 pm: We play our 14th game of Scrabble to help pass the time in isolation. Eddie cheats, and I push him off the balcony. He lands on an old woman out walking her cat, and she breaks his fall and saves his life. The day has come full circle. A perfect first day of self-isolation. I can’t wait to find out how Day 2 goes!

Diary of a Covid 19 Self-Isolationist Day 3: 7:55 am:... I walked Izzy along the waterfront trails this morning. Not many people out. When we were heading home, a coyote attacked us. It bit my hand as I was fending it off, and within 6 seconds it fell over dead. I thought, Wow. A coyote just bit me on the hand, and in 6 seconds it’s lying on the ground, dead, with a purple liquid coming out of its nostrils. That is so weird. Huh. Anyway, other than that, it was a pretty normal walk. 10:22 am: In the elevator this morning, a baby puked on me. So, I puked on the baby, right back! I mean, that’s what they’re telling everybody what to do, right? If a baby pukes on you, you puke right back on it? Like they’re doing in Uruguay. Right? 1:00 pm: Christina informs me that the only things in our fridge are a jar of Tartar sauce that expired in 2017, a frozen duck breast, and a roll of scotch tape. She somehow, turns that all into a lovely gourmet lunch for us all. 2:30 pm: Eddie continues to pee uncontrollably anywhere around the condo. Of course, he always does that, so it’s not a sign for concern. His skin has turned black, but he says that always happens this time of year. 5:17 pm: No signs of the coronavirus in our household! Yay! We’re pretty lucky not to have any symptoms! All my hair has fallen out, and my right leg is purple, but we are virus-free today! Hallelujah! 7:15 pm: Christina made a fabulous dinner of vodka. We wanted to invite some friends over to share with us, but we have to maintain social distancing. So, we decided to invite some of our imaginary friends over. We had a lovely time, sharing virus stories with Christina’s imaginary friend Brad, my imaginary friends, the McKenzie Twins, and Eddie’s two imaginary friends from Bishops, Cal and Tony. Cal got drunk and barfed on Eddie’s bed. I told Eddie, I am not cleaning up imaginary barf from your imaginary friend! He’s YOUR imaginary friend! I guess I was being a bit harsh. The stress of this self-isolation is starting to get to me. 11:02 pm: After three hours of playing Hide the Dog, we all went to bed. I can’t find Izzy, but I’m sure she’ll turn up. We’re all feeling great after another swell day of self-isolation. No symptoms at all! I did cough on the piano and a key melted, but that can be fixed another day. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

I had a great time shooting Stardust yesterday! Rock on!

Some good moments at the Raptors Championship parade!