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|Facing Uncertainty With Compassion| Wherever you stand on the Corona-virus topic, this article offers us a way to bolster the stress, confusion and sometimes heated debates with compassion: "The world is at a precipice now, in many respects. Even if compassion can’t independently solve the coronavirus issue, imagine the positive collateral effects increased compassion would have on our deeply divided and troubled society"... https://medium.com//the-perfect-antidote-to-the-coronaviru

Who among us hasn't had one of those days/weeks/months when people ask us how we are doing, and we quirtly respond with a "Good", when inside we are thinking to ourselves, "...if you only knew". Fortunately for most, these deep-seated feelings of loneliness, frustration, and despair are temporary. Perhaps we have an already established support network that we feel comfortable enough to confide these things with. But there are those out there who aren't as fortunate. Where the... common euphemism of "time heals all" doesnt apply to them, and their experiences. They may have been conditioned earlier on that reaching out and opening up about their feelings wasnt safe. Where what they disclosed was used against them, or put a label on them as "weird", "broken", or "overly emotional". It is for these individuals that silence around their pain seems preferable to the possibility of being shamed. And to all those who resonate with this, I ask that you share your bravery--the battle you have continued to fight--once again. You are not alone with this. And while nobody may know EXACTLY what you are feeling, they are here with the desire to understand and be alongside you as you go through it. It may be a partner, a friend, a family member, a therapist, a social worker/coach/facilitator. They are there. WE are there...And we give a damn.

|How Therapy Can Help You| Why go to therapy? I recently had someone mention that they sought a counsellor to address their "emotional stuff", but didn't know who to talk to about their life situation--and where to go next. This surprised me, as to me, therapy is meant to address both of these aspects. Recognizing the 'mystique' that therapy still holds for some, it's always good to get back to the basics of what psychotherapy can provide. This article does so admirably.... https://www.goodtherapy.org//how-does-therapy-work-3-ways-

There comes a time for people with Type-C Personality traits (Conscientious/Competent/Controlling) where they realize that some of the habitual sacrificial or non-affirming behaviors they enact with others isnt work...and in fact, is detrimental to their health and mental wellbeing. This can result in questioning these behaviors and beliefs, and trying on a new way of responding to the world. What can oftentimes happen though is that they end up flipping to the other side of ...the relational spectrum. What's important to consider here is that THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE! Enacting these new behaviors will feel weird, and the discomfort that comes with asserting oneself more honestly and authentically in relationships can be scary. This can lead to enforcing rigid boundaries as a means of buffering the anxiety of decision making and discernment: ie. What's appropriate...and what's not? Be kind to yourself during this process. And be mindful of the swings!

|Taking Friendships to Heart...and Mind| Friendships, and the bonds of connection we make with others, has a profound impact on our emotional and physical lives. This article offers some research-backed evidence to suggest why. https://www.npr.org//survival-of-the-friendliest-how-our-c

|Harnessing the Power of Worry| While we tend to frown upon worrying, evolutionary psychology suggests that there may actually be some very valid reasons for it. In prehistoric times it helped us survive in the wild. Even today, in our moderately 'plush' lifestyles, worry actually can contain some beneficial properties: getting our bodies primed for potentially fearful activities (such as preparing for a public speaking event), as well as the endorphin rush that comes when w...e overcome these challenges (the speech went well!) This article attends to this phenomenal, offering a stance of transforming worry, rather than trying to get rid of it as pathway to more ease in life. https://www.mindful.org/two-science-backed-ways-to-ease-a-/

As trauma-informed counselling is becoming more of the standard practice (thank god!) , it is important that we, the public, gain an understanding around some of the terms that are getting used--inside and outside the therapy room. Before doing my trauma training, my only association with the term 'dissociation' had to do with people with 'personality disorders'...which had a highly stigmatized charge to it. Oftentimes these people would be referenced in thriller films, eithe...r as free serial killers or locked up in the 'loony bin'. This is a very sad, and inaccurate!!, representation of dissociation, that also offers a very narrow lens on symptoms that ignores 95% of the population affected by this. Everybody dissociates. When you 'get lost' looking through your phone while waiting for transit, or are mindlessly driving--where you lose track of time--you are disassociating. What makes the difference, towards receiving a clinical diagnosis, is the degree and amount of time that you are disconnected from your felt-sense/temporal experience. Therefore not all dissociation, like trauma, is the same. Rather, it should be considered on a spectrum. An important distinction to consider.

This is such an important message that needs more recognition. The post is a repost from 'Build a Brotherhood', which is a group who offer help and resources for men struggling with depression and suicidality. This article is from a man who attempted suicide, and had some information to share over what was going on for him at this time. Rather than being blind to how his actions may affect others, he was fully aware...but at a certain point the pain he was experiencing, and t...he need for relief from it, overwhelmed him and he acted from that survival instinct--to avoid pain, by ending it. I bring this up, as I feel this can translate to how we, as those in supportive roles, can lose sight of this fact and take peoples actions personally--making it about us, rather than considering what they might be going through. It's when we lose touch with this understanding that we then judge and outcast the other as partaking in 'attention-seeking' behaviors, when in fact it's more about acting as a reaction to pain. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8sUJsWl_Tz/

Being of assistance to others and helping people in times of need can be an immensely rewarding thing. How we experience these activities, however, can greatly differ--based on our mindset and motivations for offering help. If coming from a place of indebtedness, it will feel arduous and ultimately unsatisfying...as it will feel as if nothing you do is ever enough. This can also be tinged with feelings of increased ambivalence and resentment, as it won't feel like its coming ...from your will. Duty compels you. On the flip side, notice how you feel when seeing the act of helping as an elective gift. You dont have to do it, but you want to...simply because it feels good! This will not only increase satisfaction, but can aid in freeing up blocks to decision-making around the appropriate measures of help--because it no longer feels like your life/pride/moral code is on the line.

Type-C (Conscientious/Competent/Controlling) personalities can be some of the most loving, caring, and supportive partners in relationships...but they can also make you go a bit nuts at times when it comes to knowing where they stand on things; and what they want. Due to their accommodating nature, and concerns of being a burden--or taking up too much space in the relationship--oftentimes they will resist making decisions on matters...but do so in a very pleasant way. Underne...ath this congeniality however can be low levels of anxiety, as their fears of making the wrong decision and disappointing people can be strong. They may also have grown up in an environment where they didn't have much control, or say in matters. And if they did ever speak up, they would get the message that they were being 'too much', or selfish. Therefore they learn to adapt their behaviors to focusing their attention outside themselves--caring for other people, while dismissing their own needs. This is why it can be very difficult for this population to reach out for help. They may have gotten so good at pushing aside their own feelings that they are not even aware of their upsets and grievances...until it shows up later as depression, panic attacks, or chronic pain.

|Guided Self-Compassion Practice| "Self-compassion honors the unavoidable fact that life entails suffering, for everyone, without exception. While this may seem obvious, it’s so easy to forget." This article offers a guided practice to help reconnect us to our source of resiliency so that we can find renewed strength to carry on.... https://www.mindful.org/try-a-self-compassion-break/

When it comes to our overall well-being, much research has pointed towards social engagement with others as a means of strengthening one's self-esteem and sense of resiliency. The premise behind this sentiment is that reaching out to others and sharing our experience is a good thing. But what happens when what you are saying falls on deaf ears? Yes, opening up and being vulnerable about both the things we are proud of, as well as the things which we harbour some shame around,... CAN be beneficial...when received in a responsive environment. And what that means in the relational world is when somebody discloses personal material, they are met with an attuned presence that is able to communicate that what they are saying--and going through--matters to them. This can look like offering verbal responses, such as "Hey! That's awesome!" or "Ohhh, I'm sorry to hear that...that must be tough". But these too must be conveyed from a place of carrying--imbued with emotion. What can happen though is that when one's stress container becomes too full--due to a number of reasons, both historical and contextual--their capacity to be emotionally available to others gets compromised. Their normal/adaptive responses, to both good news and bad, gets flattened. I say this with the hopes of reflecting both sides to these occurrences: honoring the frustrations that come with an unsupportive environment, while offering insight into why that space may be formed...that depersonalizes the experience and bridges possible understanding.

You hear these lines all the time: "I finally left my boyfriend because he was so emotionally closed off/unavailable" "She was soo needy. I felt trapped." "He never put me first. It was his way or the highway" "I never knew what was going on for her. She would just go cold." People say these things to their friends and family members, and most everyone will give an empathetic response. This then confirms the newly released beliefs that the difficulties in the relationship was... "ALL THEM" (the ex's) ...the problem with this strategy is that its narrow focus on behaviors dismisses their own part in the relational dynamic. All the 'red flags'that may have been dismissed early on that either could have been better addressed, as a couple, or signs to leave. Without owning our part, we end up keeping our blinders on, and will find ourselves playing out a similar pattern in our next relationships, as it's what's familiar.

|Offering Harbour in the Storm: Trauma Support| Love this. This interview article covers the areas of trauma, grief, and resiliency--and how subjective and personal these experiences can be for people. It also talks about how others can support those in the aftermath of such destablizing events; by providing a secure base for them: "fully caring, and fully daring".... https://www.psychologytoday.com//who-do-you-go-when-you-hu

Oftentimes, when hearing about the 'road to recovery', there is a strong push towards acceptance around past events, and how one is currently feeling around it as a means of moving on--ie. "The past is the past." And "You gotta befriend what you are feeling." While finding a way to embrace rather than resist what you are experiencing is a critical component towards the healing process, it is (in my opinion) only a part of it. It provides the grounds, or the 'Space' for heali...ng, but isnt necessarily the catalyst for relief and resolution. That requires a much more active engagement. When we are experiencing prolonged symptoms of distress that just won't go away, there tends to be a deeper wound from our past that is pushing through to the surface, and NEEDS ATTENTION. The image that comes to mind here is that when your body is symptomatic, it is like a child rushing over in terror to their parents seeking refuge from a 'monster' under the bed. Now, the parents can try to soothe the child by telling him/her that the 'danger' isnt present, nor real...but that may only bring temporary, if any, relief. What tends to be more helpful is when you, the parent/guardian approach the child from a stance of open curiosity, and proceed to investigate the site of concern together. This brings about a sense of attunement and connection with the child, as they feel heard and understood--with their concerns being validated, rather than snuffed. It is important that we dont bypass our symptoms, as they can be messengers offering vital information. What is it that we need to know?

|Making a Difference Through Mindfulness| This is a great overview of some quality suggestions to stay connected with your loved ones amidst our modern-day environments. While the focus is geared towards parents, the offered practices can actually be relevant to all relationships! https://www.mindful.org/7-things-mindful-families-do-diffe/

Identifying Type-C Personalities (Conscientious/Competent/Controlling) People tend to be quite familiar with Type A and Type B personalities. But another Type which has emerged are the Type C's...which are similar to Type A's but stand out in some important ways. While Type A's like to be in charge and in control of their environment, they have no problem delegating tasks to others...especially when it comes to the nitty gritty of things. Type A's like to be independent, and ...set their own schedules. They also have no problem 'setting other people straight' when they feel they are delineating from their duties or responsibilities. Type C's also like to be in control, but they do so in more indirect ways, as they hate confrontation. They take a subtle pride in their abilities for self-control, seeing emotions as a liability towards achieving their goals and maintaining relationships. Therefore, they will oftentimes mask their emotions, and attempt to solve their problems on their own rather than seek help from others. This will be somewhat ironic, as they tend to embody the reliable/helpful friend/family/worker to others, dropping their own plans to accommodate. Type C's biggest concerns are related to how their actions may negatively impact others: they fear disappointing people, or being seen as selfish, careless, or offensive. These feelings and subsequent behaviors tend to come as a reaction to earlier experiences they had of rejection reprimand, or abandonment. All efforts later in life become attempts at ensuring that 'that' DOESNT HAPPEN AGAIN. The tragedy, however, is that in the process of pleasing and accommodating others, while dismissing their own needs and emotions, they effectively abandon themselves.

We all have had times of suffering; of going through hardships, accidents, and heartbreak. Which is why it can be so difficult for us when witnessing other people suffer. In order to try and help someone, we may feel compelled to offer advice, or ask questions to pinpoint the causation of the distress. But people are complex, and so are our emotional lives. Oftentimes the logical left side of the brain falls behind the intuitive right side--resulting in people not knowing exa...ctly WHAT they're feeling...they just know that they are FEELING. This is especially the case for those who have experienced trauma. Therefore, the support that is needed is for them knowing, on an emotional level, that they are not alone in their experience, and that what they are experiencing is OK to feel.

|Promoting Resiliency Through Body Awareness| Emotional Intelligence (EI) is becoming a common-place word in the mental health field. In order to have access to this information, however, we also must be in touch with our body (the soma). Somatic Intelligence (SI) is the ability to recognize the sensations in the body and help regulate the nervous system, so as to promote feelings of safety and aliveness. This article offers some body-based strategies to help foster this con...nection and get you through difficult times. https://www.mindful.org/how-tuning-into-your-body-can-make/

Similar to any plant, humans are inherently drawn towards growth. It promotes movement and expansion...for progress. So it makes sense then that our natural impulse when we feel depressed, stuck, and disconnected is to try and fight against it: to "get over", "overcome", or "abolish".This may look like taking on a different mindset, using your will power, and look towards the future. While this all can be helpful to a certain degree, without attending to the emotional materia...l from one's past, the analogy for healing would be like running a race while dragging a massive weight behind you. Exhaustion, frustration, and despair will inevitably arise. Healing requires that we dive deep within ourselves, so as to get to the roots of our malaise. It also means finding the right people to support us. And when you do this deeper work, growth will come as a byproduct.

|Retraining to Feel: Emotional Intelligence Building| For many people in high-stress professions, emotions will seem like a liability. "Keeping it together", and "Getting the job done" are what propels much of the workforce--acting as symbols of mental strength and perseverance. As the article presents, however...... "Emotional suppression (having a stiff upper lip or sucking it up) might decrease outward expressions of emotion but not the inner emotional experience. In other words, suppression doesn’t make the emotion go away, it just stays inside you causing more pain." https://www.mindful.org/the-real-danger-of-suppressing-you/