Dr. Sue Johnson

UPDATE from this friendly Cyclops, a few days after a tumultuous week (I speak merely as a Canadian looking on at the remaining anxiety for some and the relief for many): Thank you for all the messages, love, prayers, and thoughts sent my way. Your support is so important to me! The procedures went as planned the sensation has shifted from "very uncomfortable indeed" to "soreness." But I'm mostly TIRED and ready to recover. ... As I started some light work with one eye, I saw last week an article in the Times Colonist by Cindy Harnett: "Seniors surveyed fear dying of loneliness more than COVID-19." YES, of course they do! This article highlights a survey of senior home residents in British Columbia. Advocate Isabel Mackenzie reports that 'they would rather have COVID than never see their son or daughter again.'" With this "inhumane" distance, Mackenzie asks, What are we keeping seniors safe for if it's not to spend the precious times they have left with the ones they loved? GOOD question. This reminds me of the times not so long ago when partners were not allowed in delivery rooms! After two scary medical procedures on my eye, I can't imagine what it would have been like if my husband had not been allowed in pre-op. Holding his huge warm hand was the only link between me and some sense of sanity and safety. In our work we KNOW that emotional isolation from attachment figures signals THREAT to our human nervous system. Sometimes emotional safety matters most of all! As one of my clients expressed to me and her rather emotionally detached partner years ago in my therapy session, Are you with me? You do not help with your detachment. It does not calm me. I can face dying but I cannot face dying alone. Amen! THIS is the human condition.

You may have noticed that I'm not posting as much. For the last few months, I've had a medical issue that makes it difficult to look at a computer screen for an extended period of time. As you're reading this post, it's being remedied. So I will be taking it "easy" at least until the beginning of 2021. For you, my general audience, that means no new episodes of OFF THE CUFF any time soon. I've had to pull out of several online events as well. But not to worry - I won't disappear completely. I've still got a lot to do and say! Please take care of yourselves! If you need to go to a doctor, please go take care of it before the holidays and in case COVID-19 restrictions return in full force wherever you might be. Wishing you the best of health

My latest blog post. "Distance from others is the signature feature of this pandemic, and, in itself, it’s one that our nervous system understands as a sign of danger. We as therapists and adherents to attachment theory have said over and over throughout the course of this pandemic that, while necessary, physical distancing simply doesn’t 'go with' increased chronic fear and stress."

For my Canadian audience: Though our Thanksgiving celebrations may be smaller this year, I think we might feel a deeper sense of gratitude for the connections and opportunities we do have. I hope each of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and long weekend!

The other day, I watched this TED Talk. In it, Susan Pinker, a developmental psychologist, points out that the top two predictors of survival in all her studies of tens of thousands of middle-aged folks where not exercise or not smoking. They were:... 1. having close relationships. Do you have people to count on? 2. social integration. Do you interact with people during your day close and not? For example, do you talk to the person who gives you your coffee in the store? YES. YES. And this is exactly what attachment science the basis of our work with relationships tells us. We are not just born for connection. We need it to STAY ALIVE. So, in spite of prudent physical distancing, we had better make sure we keep hold of this, and even make these bonds of connection stronger. It's about that time. I am going to talk to my postman now!