Expressive Child Therapies

Charge gives us life We are all energy and everything in existence has a positive and negative charge, we cannot separate that entanglement in a system. As we learn in the Synergetic certification, our experiences also automatically create two opposing charges (positive and negative) and in some circumstances we can’t take both in at once, it is too much. ... These can be circumstances (or years) we are pushed outside of our window of tolerance. But.... With time the other side of the charge (usually the positives, or the growth) is revealed and we are uplifted and humbled. What situations, when you reflect, did you find yourself super charged about this year? When we dig into those charges we find wisdom Resilience is finding the positive charge It has been a year of wisdom!! And I am grateful (positive charge) Happiest of 2021...here’s to perception, & finding the positive charge

The body will reorganize when it feel safe Stephen Porgess Our everyday living is a lot for our autonomic nervous systems to navigate!... Add pandemic Moment to moment it responds to what are often competing needs to survive and be social In different circumstances (pandemic,trauma), the demand on our systems can shape it toward protection and close off connection. When we connect, health, growth and restoration occur Amidst all this isolation and doing our part to keep safe, how can we still cultivate connection? I know the kiddos are struggling without their extracurricular activities and their usual social functions...now more than ever. It’s wearing!! and I’m seeing lots of watchdog brains Soooo, I invite you to be mindful of having genuine, attuned, present conversations and time spent delighting in your people Connection is our way, the benefits are huge for everyone

Life is full of give and take. Give thanks and take nothing for granted Who and what are you thankful for today, and more importantly how do you show it, how do they know?... How do you express your gratitude? Being thankful lightsup your brain, shifts your rhythm, increases your resilience, and expands your social connections Happy Thanksgiving

I love how this explains play therapy for kiddos and honours them with the knowledge of the process. It’s about being with rather than happening to. Making the unknownsknown also helps calm the stress response by answering questions that may be causing them worry

Looks pretty amazing..and it’s free We do better when we know better

Looks pretty amazing!! We do better when we know better

Transitions can be difficult! And the thoughts associated with returning from this extraordinarily long break to this very different school year are pushing in bigger and closer for kiddos. How are they feeling, what are they thinking about?... What are their big worries, doubts & questions? We can help alleviate stress by providing as much predictability as possible for them Here are things I’ve found helpful... Prepare them ~ provide timeline, how it will happen, what it will look like, who will be there (with a calm, relaxed, positive and assured energy) Stay close physically and emotionally to your child ~ touches, presence, & inviting them to share feelings Use playfulness, music, and movement LOTS!! Anticipate needs and meet them ~ special object to take for felt safety , visual schedule on fridge, protein snacks, easy to put on/do up clothes Add in some sensory input ~ things to see, hear, taste, smell and touch that calm us and ground us (help with our ability to be present ) I’d love to hear what the kiddos in your life are saying about going back to school

The Center on the Developing Child ~ Harvard University has a working paper called ‘Connecting the Brain to the Rest of the Body: Early Childhood Development and Lifelong Health Are Deeply Intwined’ This diagram gives a visual of the brain bodyconnection ... When a child’s body is mobilized to respond to threat it diverts energy away from growth and healthy development Adequate support for children and families experiencing persistent hardships or challenges = better health outcomes and the foundations for healthy brain architecture.

Play is something done for its own sake. It’s voluntary, it’s pleasurable, it offers a sense of engagement, it takes you out of time. And the act itself is more important than the outcome. Play promotes a sense of belonging and connection (2 key components for feeling safe and having the capacity to tolerate stress)... Dr. Stuart Brown National Institute of Play So we need more play!!!! One more time... Play invites connection & felt safety while growing our window of tolerance so let’s get at it and play!!! What are your favourite ways to play & how does it your felt sense of connection?

Mis-attunement is inevitable. We miss the markwe are human But luckily, secure attachment is built on the emotional security produced by repairing ruptures soon after they occur. ... Rupture & Repair Teachable Moments

Silence can be the trauma

I love Dan Siegel’s work with parents His research has shown us that the most important factor associated with building secure attachment with our kiddos is having parents who have done their own attachment work and can connect to their inner world. As Bonnie Badenoch writes in ‘Being A Brain Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology ... Many dismissive parents love their children, but do not know how connect with them. At one end of the spectrum, we find parents who quietly hate or reject their children. At the other end, some preoccupied parents carry so much pain that they are continually immersed in the terror of the past, rather than only visiting it occasionally. In both cases, the pain and fear surrounding connection with their children is so extreme that the tragic result is often disorganized/disoriented attachment in children. Since development of brain structure is a parallel process it follows that children of an unresolved parent will likely have a similarly fragmented inner world

Sometimes, behavioural challenges are a child’s body’s way of coping with sensory challenges. Understanding a child’s sensory processing - how they interpret the world through their various senses - is an additional tool we can use to deconstruct the reasons for children’s behaviour. While we think about the role of various senses , we can ask these two questions:... What factors are affecting a child’s ability to have calm, focused, and alert attention in her body and mind? What impact does this have on his or her relationships and successful participation in daily activities at home and school? ~Mona Delahooke The role of sensory processing in children’s overall development is a foundational piece of the puzzle as we find ways to help them

Relational neuroscience ~ we shape one another’s brains at every stage of our lives Our brains change and grow inside relationships Babies do not self soothe! Through the soothing and the joining of the regulating adult, their system down regulates and this begins the patterning in of regulation ... The limbic system is genetically primed to form connection through relational experiences and requires the co- regulation of an adult in order to develop into self regulation ~ Bonnie Badenoch Self regulation is internalized co-regulation Our kiddos need us to show them how to feel feelings We are their people..EVERY ONE OF US

Reframe! When we look at behaviour through a different lens notice what shifts for us Strength vs Deficit Growth vs Fixed Mindset

I spent some time last week introducing myself to Emotion Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) and I am so exited to bring it to my work with kiddos and their families!! Check out their website: emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org... ~ Such fantastic connecting skills and such a beautiful path to wellness for a family I love the way emotions are explained as having underlying/corresponding needs from the environment I think it is such a useful tool for caregivers, so I thought I would share the goods! - sadness ~ soothing, giving a hug, - anger ~ helping to set and defend boundaries - fear ~ protecting from danger (we do not protect anxiety! A real danger must be involved) - Anxiety ~ helping to confront the anxiety provoking situation Parents and caregivers are the most neurologically powerful source for helping children EFFT provides opportunities to enrich this co regulatory process while also building confidence and connection emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org

There is nobody better at being you than you

The benefits of crying begin at birth, crying introduces us to our first breath ~ Allowing the tears to flow detoxifies they body. ~ When you sob you take in many breaths of cool air and it cools the brain which helps regulate the body ... ~ It promotes connection & rallies support

As an educator in the schools for the last 18 years (and as Sarah) I’m recognizing my heaviness right now. I’m sad that I will miss this happiest time of the year with the kiddos ~ The annual year end events we anticipate celebrating ~ Sharing together and showing pride for all of the hard work and successes.... ~ The reflecting together of all the personal growth that happens in so many special ways through all of the relationships that develop. ~ The closing off and packing up and saying have a great summer!! ~ All the shared excitement and basking in (mirror neurons ) of being so darn happy that you’ve reached what we all cling to in certain moments of despair ~ It leaves me thinking about our kiddos and our grads of 2020 and reminds me to deeply consider this in my practice and open space to acknowledge this in the playroom We are in this together

They are watching

What was the last playful experience that you had? Notice how remembering it - how it felt in body and in mind - shifts you? Our neural circuitry requires playfor the unfolding of human potential for movement, expression, joy, connection and emotional and relational regulation... Do you play?

Fear is taught Love is innate Violence is what we do when we don’t know what to do with our suffering Parker Palmer

Love quiets the amygdala and reduces stress hormones, the brain becomes less concerned with fight or flight and becomes open to newer more expansive learning. Positive relational experiences are reparative, in that they are able to correct for negative experiences. ... Psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson calls this the undoing effect. Acting something like a medicine, it downshifts our bodies and minds and speeds our recovery from hard times As Bruce Perry affirms, The research on the most effective treatments to help child trauma victims might be accurately summed up this way: what works best is anything that increases the quality and number # of relationships in a child’s life

Helping children process their big feelings It’s hard to not get upset when our children get upset, and it can be even harder to not get defensive when children are angry at us. We want more than anything to make the emotions go away, like they are dangerous. But the struggle may just be in how we learn to manage them while going through them ... Game plan! 1. Calm yourself first. Pause button, deep breath before anything. Notice the sensations in your body. Use a mantra, This is not life or death. Don’t take your child’s emotions personally ~ even if she’s screaming I hate you! Decide what is your goal ~ to build closer relationship and teach helpful lessons about accepting and responding to emotions 2. Create Safety. Connect through touch, getting at their level, using a soft tone. Let them know with your words and your actions that you will help and they are safe 3. Welcome the feelings and reflect on them. Try to mirror your child’s tone and reflect back the emotion you see and hear. 4. Invite them to share and acknowledge their perspective, You wish that... Describing what your child is physically feeling helps them feel seen and heard, I see you’re biting your lip. You look worried 5. Double-check to be sure your child feels understood. Am I getting that right? Do I understand it right? This will help develop perspective and make room for more of a chance to connect. Fighting about what children are feeling takes away the opportunity to do what’s important, which is to help them feel understood. Helping to increase awareness of what they are feeling will shift as they move through their feelings with our love and support See more

What are the ACEs, and why would they impact me? ACEs is a test that measures the 10 types of childhood trauma. ~ There is a stunning link between childhood trauma and the chronic diseases people develop as adults, as well as social emotional problems... Having a high ACEs score can also affect the way we form attachments with and parent our children When a child experiences too much stress repeatedly over time and the bodies stress response is activated(adrenaline rush, increased heart rate, and an increase in stress hormone levels) without the presence of an attuned caregiver’s support to calm the stress response it overloads a child’s developing systems. This is called toxic stress This can create serious lifelong consequences for a child and set his stress response system permanently on constant high alert. It actually changes the architecture of the brain! Science shows that the neuro-connections that comprise brain architecture in the areas dedicated to learning and reasoning are weaker and fewer in number at just the time they should be growing new ones Toxic stress can be avoided if we ensure that the environments in which children grow and develop are nurturing, stable and engaging Check out this amazing website full of information and videos on child development and advances in the science of brain development developingchild.harvard.edu

At the heart of the matter, there is play & love And they both connect us at the deepest level Patch Adams

There has been so much change!! And our kiddos have sure had some practice learning how to tolerate it! I love the website brightandquirky.com which is a place for parents to get support and resources ... A few days ago, Dr. Barry Prizant shared his suggestions around helping our children develop their cognitive and emotional flexibility and build tolerance for doing things differently. With most of our routines upended Dr. Prizant named the importance of Anchor Points - helping to make some things predictable He suggests having visuals such as white boards that give kids visuals of changes in the day and make things somewhat predictable. Visual schedules can have a symbol for changes and this helps indicate when changes are coming Children learn that change is different (we’re doing it differently), not the same and that’s ok We want them to develop their cognitive and emotional flexibility and we do this by practicing change. Dr. Prizzant even references a teacher who would play the change game and make it fun. Practicing change also gives children the ability to problem solve and build language to ask, What’s going to happen? or I need a break. Check out brightandquirky.com it’s a great resource!

Meanings can differ but acknowledgement is like taking a deep breath So powerful for healing All meanings matter... See more

Self-care is not an expense. It is an investment. =$ We cannot give to others when we have not tended to self... MySelf care ~ the sunPsychology Today & Insights (BCACC) Just relaxing presence, reading... and maybe some time in nature exercising What is your self-care looking like?

One positive that I am really appreciating from this Covid pandemic is the access I am getting to online trainings and webinars (silver lining) Last night I participated in a webinar called Lego Based Play Therapy presented by Reagan Snyder-Smith & Bea Burchill. It was fantastic and another reminder of the powers that play holds to teach, imagine and heal. ... Lego is one of, if not the most, loved toys of all times As such a great way to connect with one another while also exploring, I wanted to share some of the online resources These websites are full of ideas for using Lego in creative ways to build, learn and even challenge each other Let’s dig out the Lego and play lego.com & legoeducation.com have a wealth of activities to do with Lego legolibrarian.com legofoundation.com

This is where it’s at

Are you noticing your kiddos’ feelings getting bigger in the last week? Are you noticing more: explosions - quick unexpected sudden bursts of anger ... refusing to do school work shutting down sibling rivalry (or everyone rivalry) Children are experiencing, as are we adults, emotional flooding They are stressed, and life has flipped upside down. The worries have set in and many of their points of safety and identity have been upended for too long. Their regular routines, structure, including their activities extracurricular and school have all been put on hold for still an unknown amount of time. We all need each other right now to check in and offer regulation For some, especially children who are still developing and don’t grasp or fully understand, it has become hard to manage. When we see this struggle, let’s understand it as a normal cry for needing help from us to feel ok again As kiddos’ helpers let’s take a deep breath and remind ourselves that they need our help to feel safe They need our help connecting to themselves through their connection to us. When we do this it helps them settle and come back to regulated and aware of their feelings Be together: hug, walk, breathe, make art

Kids & Emotions It seems like it would be a parent’s job to keep kids busy, cheer kids up or tell them not to worry or feel sad, and of course to also take on the stress of calming them down and keeping their emotions regulated But it also seems this is creating kids who lack emotional competence, meaning they don’t learn to manage their own feelings... How can we proactively teach our children healthy ways to cope with their emotions so they don’t depend on others to do it for them? Help them label their emotion and validate it. Example Caregiver: I can see that you’re feeling disappointed and sad, anything else you are feeling? Child: I AM SO MAD AT YOU! Caregiver: You are mad at me, VERY mad at me. Are you also feeling frustrated because you can’t get your bike out? Child: Yes, I want my bike out now From this place we have identified what is behind the emotion and it is named. This clarity and validation connects the relationship, and now there is space to co- regulate and then problem solve with the outcome of growth and secure attachment Using this language doesn’t stifle, shove down, or repress, emotions leaving them to explode, it helps them understand why they are feeling what they are feeling. Ultimately, children who learn that their emotions are vital messages from their core develop healthy ways of responding. This grows their own sense of well-being and gives them the confidence to take responsibility for their own self expression. This is such an asset in developing and sustaining healthy relationships.

Kindness is like a salve in challenging times These days definitely call for it Let’s do our best to show up as our kindest selves

Anyone can become angry, that is easy... but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way... that is not easy. Aristotle ... Behaviourally challenging kids are challenging because their lacking the skills to not be challenging. Challenging kids are lacking the skills of flexibility, adaptability, frustration tolerance and problem solving skills Kids do well when they can Ross Greene Ph.D. If we approach a child’s misbehaviour as a choice, that they choose to not do well, it leads us to approach the problems punitively (punishing them) rather than proactively helping them learn problem solving approaches. When we problem solve with our child and collaborate on solutions to the problems that cause challenging episodes we build their skills rather than add fuel to the fire

Here are a few of the types of play we can support our children in, along with the therapeutic benefits that accompany them. And remember, these benefits are available to us grown-ups as well, so jump in! Physical Play Emotions are often stored in the body. You’ve felt it as a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulders, or energy running down your arms. Whether it’s anxiety or excitement, anger or joy, it is natural for our bodies to provide an exit for emotions a...nd energy through movement. Sensory Play Play that engages our senses helps to center us as we manipulate rice, water, foam, sand, or a million other materials. Along with several other benefits this type of play often helps soothe worry and anxiety because immersing oneself in the sensory experience helps us become present and rooted in the immediate reality around us. Nature Play Playing out in nature is the ideal combination of so many forms of play, particularly physical and sensory play. In getting outdoors for play, children almost instinctively engage in more large motor movement running, climbing, jumping, balancing while also engaging fine motor skills as they change their grip to hold an unending variety of materials or turn over delicate discoveries. Creative Play Any type of creative play from the structures built out of legos or blocks, to the paintings, stories, and dances improvised on the spot gives children an expressive outlet and the sensation of control. Intangible things like ideas and emotions become reality as we give external form to whatever lies inside. Imaginative Play When children engage in imaginative play (also called dramatic play, pretend play, or simply dress up) they become masters of their own universe. As children engage in imaginative play, they can process big ideas and emotions. Themes like school, restaurant, friendship, or family may all be used to process feelings of loss and change right now. While some may feel that play is simply what we’re left with now, I would contend that it’s actually one of the things children and perhaps the children in all of us really need most right now. Amanda Morgan

Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else Mr. Rogers Have you noticed that this new world has forced us to slow down ... Have you noticed the benefits Less rush More sleep More play More presence and savouring in life More family time More time to connect with those we have meant to but have not found the time for More natural rhythm More time to finish the things we have put on hold More time to read More time to enjoy nature A chance to step out of our comfort zones and try something new More creativity More kindness & compassion An opportunity to connect to yourself and your true essence Time to dedicate to a family pet A chance to really stop and listen to all that holds meaning in your life A heightened ability to take inventory and rearrange all that you value

Sweetest little song helping to name things for kiddos Even names and normalizes sensations Best of all..super tolerable for us adults

When you are in the pressure cooker of emotions then there needs to be some safety valves Like: Tears... Words Play (perhaps my fav) Music Dance Art Exercise Laughter

An expressive art activity for letting go We all have a little to share about this right now Open space to normalize the feelings through art... Check it out ~ leftbrainbuddha.com

Expressive art activity to do with your kiddos #shareandprocess #inthistogether #connectandnormalize

Hi everyone My name is Sarah and my business is Expressive Child Therapies I created this business in the hopes of becoming a resource for kiddos and families that supports play as a way to build relationships and develop self awareness A little about me:... School counsellor for Kindergarten - Grade 12 students for the last 18 years Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC) Certified Synergetic Play Therapist (as of May) Filial Family Play Therapist Brain nerd I have had my private practice for just over 2 years I have puppet friends Finder of virtue & strength Resource builder and connector to self for kiddos Sand tray explorer External regulator for kiddos and parents Parent educator and supporter Playroom in Garrison ~ Chilliwack BC I work with children 3-12 yrs (sometimes older) & their families I'm starting my presence on Facebook to give my business a more useful and purposeful life Now ~ more than ever~I want to say "I AM HERE" I love what I do and I see social media as a way to share more of me and the things I learn that I feel can be of help to children and families Reach out + say Hi! Sarah expressivechild.ca

Although the playroom is closed, online teleplay therapy is open and inviting for both kiddos and parents needing connection, support and FUN!!!