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Dr Henry Cloud... "Entitlement goes something like this: When someone hears the word "no," they have the same reaction a two-year-old has when deprived of something: Bad Mommy! They feel as though the one who deprives them of their wishes is bad, and they become angry. The angry person has a character problem. If you reinforce this character problem, it will return tomorrow and the next day in other situations. It is not the situation that’s making the person angry, but ...the feeling that they are entitled to things from others. Here are six steps to consider when someone responds to your boundaries with anger: 1. Realize that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem. 2. View anger realistically. Anger is only a feeling inside the other person. It cannot jump across the room and hurt you. 3. Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. 4. Make sure you have your support system in place. If you are going to set some limits with a person who has controlled you with anger, talk to the people in your support system first and make a plan. 5. Do not allow the angry person to get you angry. Keep a loving stance while speaking the truth in love. 6. Be prepared to use physical distance and other limits that enforce consequences. If you keep your boundaries, those who are angry at you will have to learn self-control for the first time instead of other control."

https://www.boundaries.me/safe-unsafe-people-email. Dr Henry Cloud

No matter what kind of relationship you’re in family, personal, romantic, or work related part of building boundaries means that you need to know that your feelings, needs and freedom are respected. When someone is uncomfortable in a situation, or is hurt by a sarcastic remark, or becomes angry with a broken promise, that is a signal that something is going on. The other person needs to take those feelings seriously. Both people need to talk about what triggered this, and... solve the problem. Disrespect may come out in several ways, and it usually involves some violation of freedom in one of seven ways: 1. Dominating: The other person won’t hear no. When you disagree with someone, the other intimidates, threatens, or rages. They are offended by your freedom to choose. 2. Withdrawal: One person pulls away when the other exercises some freedom or difference. They may isolate, sulk, or be silent. But they are passively punishing you for your differentness. 3. Manipulating: One person shows disrespect by subtle stratagems designed to make the other person change his mind. 4. Direct violation: The person disrespects by continuing the same hurtful action, even after being asked not to. 5. Minimizing: One person says the other person’s negative feelings are simply an overreaction. 6. Blaming: You talk about a problem, but the other person indicates that you caused the problem. For example, a man will tell his girlfriend that it hurts when she makes fun of him in public. She might respond with, If you would pay more attention to me, I wouldn’t have to resort to that. 7. Rationalizing: The other person denies responsibility for whatever caused the problem. There’s always an excuse. Dr Henry Cloud

TRUSTING OTHERS We trust people who we know understand us, our context, our situation, our needs, what makes it work for us, and what makes it break down. When they truly understand, listen, and care, we are more than willing to open ourselves to them. Here are the ingredients for trust to take place in a relationship. INTENT You’ll trust when you know someone’s motives are good. ... UNDERSTANDING You’ll trust when you feel someone understands you. CHARACTER You’ll trust when someone’s character reveals traits such as honesty, love, compassion, mercy, courage, patience, etc. CAPACITY & ABILITY You’ll trust when someone has the ability to do what you need them to do. A surgeon, for example, should know how to perform an operation. TRACK RECORD You’ll trust someone based on their past behavior. Dr Henrey Cloud

Hi everyone, Be prepared to use physical distance and other limits that enforce consequences. One woman's life was changed when she realized that she could say, "I will not allow myself to be yelled at. I will go into the other room until you decide you can talk about this without attacking me. When you can do that, I will talk to you." Let's work on this boundary together. Dr. Henry Cloud - Author or Boundaries

https://drleaf.com//how-to-turn-social-anxiety-into-your-g Dr Caroline Leaf #socialanxiety #introvert #reduceburnout

https://drleaf.com//how-to-unwire-addiction-toxic-habits-f #addiction #toxichabits #dontenable Dr Caroline Leaf

#DrHenryCloud #Boundaries #gaslighting Gaslighting is a technique used by unsafe people to make someone question their own reality. When you re-train yourself to understand what your feelings are telling you, you’ll take back your power by learning to validate your experience. You need to learn how to get in touch with reality - how to train your senses to discern good from evil - and to honor your feelings so you can #setboundaries with this toxic behavior. by Dr. Henry Cloud's www.Boundaries.Me

#snippettsfromDrCloud #Boundary-injured individuals struggle to make value-based decisions on their own, but they most often reflect the wishes of those around them. And even though they can be surrounded by supportive boundary lovers, they still experience trouble setting limits. #boundaries The culprit here is a weak conscience, or an overactive and harsh internal judge #IAmMyOwnCritic #manpleasers ... John 12:43 ...They loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.

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"Difficult people often have a strategy to get you upset and out of control. Just as a toddler infuriates his parent until he is in control of the out-of-control parent, some difficult people can arouse your emotions until they are in control of you. In fact, people with their behavior problems and toddlers have many developmental similarities. The key is to not regress into a toddler yourself!" -- Dr Henry Cloud

Rescuing someone is not loving them. A heart-felt love lets people experience consequences. Rescuers hope that by once again bailing out the out-of-control person, theyll reap a loving, responsible person. They hope to control the other person. Its far better to be empathic, but at the same time refuse to be a safety net: Im sorry you lost another job this year, but I wont lend you any more money until youve paid back the other loan. However, Im available to talk to f...or support. This approach will show people how serious you are about developing self-boundaries. The sincere searcher will value this approach and will take you up on your offer of support. The manipulator will resent the limits and quickly look for an easier touch somewhere else. Find the balance between helping and helping too much. Know the difference between being responsible to someone and being responsible for someone. Dr Henry Cloud Boundaries

Dr Henry Cloud #boundaries Hi everyone, In evaluating the pain that your boundary setting causes your significant other, remember that love and limits go together. When you set boundaries, be lovingly responsible to the person in pain. Those who are wise and loving will accept boundaries and act responsibly toward them. ... Cheers, Henry

Disrespect is, without a doubt, one of the biggest problems any of us face in relationships. No matter what kind of relationship youre in, part of building boundaries means that you need to know that your feelings, needs and freedoms are respected. If those parts of you are not being respected, you need to take some sort of action. You may need to end your silence and bring up the issue. You may need to set consequences on the event happening again. You cant control another person, but you can take control of what you do for yourself! ~ Dr Henry Cloud

Many people are too quick to trust others in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the person is producing fruit in keeping with repentance (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to people who show patterns of hurting you is unhealthy. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change. ... When to trust again What real change looks like Until next time Dr Henry Cloud

www.boundaries.me Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior. People who apologize quickly may act like they are sorry. But in reality, they are more sorry about getting caught. They dont change, and your future relationship with them will be exactly like the past. ... A safe person repents, and though they make mistakes, theyre committed to healthy change. Lets talk about how to identify safe and unsafe people. These two conversations may also bring you insight: Forgiveness doesnt mean you have to trust again. How to tell if someones really changed. Until next time Dr Henry Cloud

Scripture is full of admonitions to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways. Its not unloving when we have to separate ourselves from someones #toxicbehavior. When we make the decisions to separate ourselves from such actions, what were really doing is protecting love because were taking a stand against the things that destroy love. Lets dive into reasons it may be necessary to step away from something toxic.... You may also find affirmation from these conversations: What makes someone a safe or unsafe person? How to stand up for yourself in one word. Dr Henry Cloud

In the #alcoholic home, if a spouse chooses not to limit her drinking, this is their responsibility. However, other family members can set limits on how they will be affected by it. If an alcoholic continues to drink, the other spouse can only limit themselves, not the other person. They can say, I will limit my exposure to your behavior. If you continue to drink, the children and I will move out until you get sober. You cant stop your spouse from drinking, but you can sto...p yourself from being affected by it. I realize this is one example, and there are many different situations and outcomes that affect this situation, but I want you to know that you still have control of the decisions and choices that you make for yourself. Lets talk about how to set boundaries with an addict while still showing care. And these conversations may also help bring you peace. Enabling habits hurt more than they help. Be responsible to someone, not for someone. Until next time Dr Henry Cloud

#PassiveEmotionalNeglect Vs. #ActiveEmotionalInvalidation: 5 Examples and 5 Effects By Jonice Webb PhD Last updated: 19 Jul 2020 ~...Continue reading

#Anger, our most basic negative emotion, tell us that something is wrong. We tend to protect the good we dont want to lose. Anger is a signal that we are in danger of losing something that matters to us. When people are taught to suppress their anger, they are taught to be out of touch with what matters to them. It is good to feel angry because anger warns us of danger and shows us what needs protecting. Having feelings of anger isnt sinful. #BEANGRYBUTDONTSIN Yes, its ok to be angry dont suppress your feelings. ~Dr Henry Cloud

#PeoplePleasing You dont have to please everyone in your life, and you dont need everyone to like you. This applies to both your personal life and your professional life. Once you understand this, you can make decisions based on what is best, not on who is going to like it. In fact, not only do you not have to please everyone, you cant not even if you wanted to. Its impossible. .... Once you understand that, you start spending your time and energy on things that bring meaningful results rather than on the impossible goal of making everyone else happy. You view criticism and feedback in a positive light, and you dont let critics gain control over you...:. Remember Critics try to control you and when you people-please you allow them to.~ Dr Henry Cloud #Boundaries

We as humans are caught up in the flow of time. We divide our lives into past, present, and future. People have hurt us, we have hurt people, we have suffered wrong, and we have done things that are wrong. We would say, "All these things happened in the past and cant be changed." .....But have your past experiences been exposed to light? Have they been forgiven? Have you repented of them? Have you exposed the hurt to love and light? Have you grieved overland let go of hurtful things, or are we still hanging on to them? We need to see our lives not as past and present, but as eternal. If we dont give ourselves the chance to expose our past to the light of truth and love, they remain in darkness and are still alive today, and they take a life of their own. We need to process pain from our past so we can heal ~ Dr Henry Cloud

Our attempts to avoid pain create more pain. Being hurt, hurts, but believe it or not, youre actually designed to process it. You were created to go through grief and experience uncomfortable feelings so that you can heal and rise above your pain. For several reasons, we struggle to address it. At a young age, maybe you were told to get over it, or you were gaslighted in other ways. At some point you probably though it was easier to avoid pain, so you tried to self medicate with bad habits and isolation. Dr Henry Cloud

In the last several decades of addiction treatment, one of the most powerful discoveries has been the role of the codependent in addictions. Basically, researchers learned that an addict needs a codependent to enable staying addicted. But beyond that, codependent people continually find themselves in relationships with addicts. In my experience with codependents, Ive often heard, Out of all the people in the world, I will be drawn to the addict before anyone else. Empower yourself by setting boundaries with those who struggle with addictions while still maintaining a relationship... . Dr Henry Cloud

Mindfulness is just awareness. Its acceptance versus rejection of whats going on inside of you without judgment, just allowing whatever youre feeling to exist without grabbing it, joining it, or feeling obligated to solve whatever problem that feeling is bringing you. Mindfulness separates your mind above what your brain is feeling so you dont become a victim to it. ~Dr Henry Cloud

You cannot get someone to do something they dont choose to do, or to be someone they dont choose to be ... either because they cant or because they dont desire to. Why? Because you can never take over another persons freedom to choose. People are not robots. They are free to choose what they want, what they will do, and what they wont do. Once you realize this, you will stop trying to do what will never work, which is trying to change people into something they do not want to be or convince them to do something they do not want to do. It never works. While you can influence them, ultimately you cannot change them. - Dr Henry Cloud #boundaries

Thanks Gary VanSickle!

If we feel responsible for other peoples feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right; we will make decisions based on how others feel about our choices. If we are always trying to keep everyone happy, then we cannot make the choices required to live correctly and freely. We cant determine how successfully we are living our lives by who is unhappy with us. If we feel responsible for other peoples displeasure, we are being controlled by others. ~Dr Henry Cloud

Praying this morning for ppl on my heart going through some hard times emotionally and mentally with the days we are living in ... This is so hard on so many levels on so many dear ppl!

https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org//how-to-help-someone/

Vivid and OCD https://www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org//four-importa/

These 3 simple steps have ushered many people across the world into the peaceful presence of our loving Creator by which He can whisper His thoughts into our minds. Weve been designed by God for this very kind of encounter. Many people have been found by Jesus in this way. Here are the 3 steps

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When a spouse says to the #alcoholic, "You need to go to AA," that is obviously not true. The #addict feels no need to do that at all. But when she says, "I am moving out and will be open to getting back together when you are getting treatment for your addiction," then all of a sudden the addict feels, "I need to get some help or I am going to lose my marriage." The need has been transferred. It is the same with any kind of problematic behavior of a person who is not taking f...eedback and ownership. The need and drive to do something about it must be transferred to that person, and that is done through having consequences that finally make him feel the pain. When he feels the pain, he will feel the need to change. A plan that has hope is one that limits your exposure to the foolish persons issues and forces him to feel the consequences of his performance so that he might have hope of waking up and changing If youre in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction, I want to help you set the appropriate boundaries and seek healing for all parties involved. Until next time ... Cheers, Dr Henry Cloud

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To find #peace when faced with triggers you need to start by identifying and naming what causes you mental distress. Once aware you can talk to someone to gain perspective, write it down, and come up with a plan next time you are faced with those triggers.~~Dr Caroline Leaf