Gather & Ground Wellness

We all have stories we tell ourselves. The story of why things happen to us, how people operate, how our experiences have impacted us, and how we feel about those experiences. Have you ever stopped to think how you describe the story of your life? These choice of words, our narrative, have a powerful impact on how we live our life and how we feel on a day to day basis. They are riddled with our core beliefs, including the ones that may be limitings us ( and not rooted in fact...ual evidence). You may begin to notice that your tone and narrative is laced with the narratives of people closest to you- siblings, parents, care takers, loved ones. So what if for today you committed to identifying your narrative and catching yourself in the places you are starting a chapter that might lead to an unhappy ending... You have the power to change your narrative and how your story unfolds!

What if you could use your fears to help you get your needs met? First step- identify your fears. Is it the deep dark ocean? Never finding true happiness? Loneliness? Second step- identify what the TRUE fear is. Is it the unknown/being blind sided? Uncovering your deepest darkest truths and not being able to manage it? Addressing the pain of feeling inadequate or not good enough?... Third step- identify the first time you felt this true fear. Is it when your parents divorced? When you were confronted with an emotional truth and it sent you in a downward spiral because you didn’t have the tools? When your mom or dad didn’t show up for you in the way you needed? Fourth step- Take yourself back to this emotional memory/experience. Understand it’s impacts and what you really needed in this moment. Lastly- practice acknowledging these past feelings in the present fears. Give yourself the love you needed at that time. In baby steps, work towards increasing your exposure while repeating coping statements that soothe you (ex. I am good enough, I am safe, I am loved).

I’m noticing that I am circling back to a common theme in many of my session lately- the reminder that we are in fact still in a global pandemic. For some this has become a norm, so we are beginning to question why things feel so hard to right now. Hard to get out of bed without snoozing or feeling lethargic... Hard to stay on task or keep a routine Hard to feel connected to friends & family Hard to have the energy to do things that used to feel easy Well my friends, you are describing the common signs of COVID fatigue. Things ARE harder right now, and it can feel hard to come to terms with that. If you resonate with any of these signs, ask yourself- did I feel this before the pandemic? It’s so important for us to walk through life with grace, compassion and care during this time. Do you give yourself grace? Do you give others grace? Can you dig deep to validate and normalize this collective sense of heaviness?

Instead of are you right for them, think are they right for you. For some it is easy to get swept up in the current of thoughts that root from the feeling of not being enough or worthy of love. This could sound like:... Did I say the right thing? Am I interesting enough? Will they like what I stand for? Do they think I’m attractive? Can they manage the insecurities I bring to the table? Am I intelligent enough to carry a conversation with them? Will they think I am funny? Although it’s normal to have these thoughts in the beginning phases of dating, it is important to recognize that you are putting your worth into another hands RIGHT OFF THE BAT. So instead, could you reframe your internal dialogue to think: Do I feel connected to them? Do I connect with their values? Do I enjoy my conversations with them? Do I feel comfortable in their presence? Do they make me laugh? Do they challenge me to expand my world views? Do they align with what I am looking for in a partnership? Take that power back. You are in the process of finding someone who is right for you. You are not fitting into a slot where you are accepted by another. It’s a two way street and let’s start with paving your side. I once heard, what is the price of admission to get a ticket into your life, and I stand by this important question. If you don’t know, I suggest you pause and think about it because you don’t want to open the gates with a free admission sign hanging at the front! Remember- you are worthy and deserving of what you desire. Sometimes our programming tries to get in the way and tell us otherwise.

Do you feel anxious and exhausted from fighting a truth your body can’t seem to shake? Everyone’s journey to their deepest truth is unique. Despite it’s variance in time and intensity one thing remains true- we are all worthy of living in our deepest truth. Often times this may be repressed. Whether that be one’s sexuality, if a relationship is right for them, if they are experiencing addiction, if they need help, or if they need a life change.... Denying your truth is engaging in an internal battle- a fundamental war with yourself. Facing this battle may bring up overwhelm, and that’s entirely valid. In this case, could you consider opening up your awareness to the truth without any pressure to solve or change it. What if I told you that If we invite this awareness into our lives, half of the battle is over. Awareness is the first and most important step to change!

I survived my first year of being a solo entrepreneur! When I opened the virtual doors of Gather & Ground on June 16th 2020 that was the same day I passed my qualifying exam to become a clinical counsellor. I had no idea what was ahead. Would I fill my practice? Was I stupid to not listen to all the people that told me it wasn’t smart to start my own practice and that I wouldn’t get clients?... Only a few months in did I realize.. holy shit, I am launching a mental health company in the middle of a pandemic! Well that wasn’t part of the plan, but it most definitely is the plan now! Almost 6 months out, I am so grateful to say I have been able to support 80 beautiful humans through the chaos the world (and people) are undergoing. Entering 2021 I have seen multiple clients overcome incredible struggles. I have seen my clients overcome addictions, grow in their relationships, process unbearable traumas, and live a life with incrementally less anxiety and depression. I would be lying if I said this hasn’t been hard. I have been holding the space for others during a time of isolation and a time where doing things to fill my own cup has been limited. There have been moments that feel very heavy, moments of burn out, and moments where I am so deeply involved in helping others get through this pandemic I forget I’m going through it myself. But with all that being said, the 80 of you that have allowed me to be in your life, you make it all worth it. You keep me going. This virtual community allows us to gather & ground- and I have some big things in store for 2021! From the bottom of my heart I appreciate every single one of you. I only have a few spots open for new clients in January. If you want to work with me please email [email protected] or send me a DM.

This was the first sentence in my forgiveness letter I wrote myself. A month ago I took myself to the scandinave spa for a much needed self-care day. To refill my cup so I had more to give my clients, myself, my friends, and my family. Before I left I packed a book on self love, a notebook, my favourite pen, and I drafted up some journal prompts I intended on completing myself.... The two were: Something I forgive myself for is. Write myself a letter of forgiveness. I want to vulnerably share the first few words of my letter in hopes that it will ignite something within you to write your own. Perhaps I want to share my words to show you that we all have things worthy of forgiving, that we have been holding onto for far too long. With forgiveness comes freedom. When we forgive ourselves we open up the space to create new experiences and to have new thoughts. Without forgiveness the guilt, shame and hopelessness are expansive. They engulf the space that is meant for love, passion and curiosity. Me sharing my first few sentence of my letter is me extending my hand out to you. I invite you to write yourself a letter and forgive yourself for all the things you have done when you’ve been in pain and for the things that you are currently doing to get away from your pain. I truly believe we are innately good. If you believe this too, then you can see when you have acted out of integrity it is because you were in pain and did not know how to express it or manage it. Forgive yourself, because you are so damn worthy of it.

Communication. The portal to our needs. The primary tool for connection. The foundation of our relationships.... When we communicate we are always trying to get our needs met in our life, whether that be connection, love, support, safety, security, and the list goes on When we are in a conflict, it is usually two people fighting for needs they feel are not being met. We often communicate in ways that result in a response we are not wanting. So these 3 golden rules of communication are the secret behind people feeling fulfilled and both people getting what they want. Instead of you hurt me try I feel hurt. Instead of I am always the one doing everything try I need more support and without it I feel alone in this relationship Instead of You never listen to me. Try When I don’t feel heard I feel frustrated because I don’t feel connected to you When we speak from our needs we are getting to the point. Using I statements reduces the chance of a reactive response and smashing down defences. Refraining from absolutes shows that we have hope for what we are asking. When we say never or always, it can feel quite invalidating and in turn does not promote motivation for growth. And last but not least- communication is 80% nonverbal. Try opening up your body language. Taking a few deep breaths and becoming aware of your tone of voice. And remember- everyone is fighting for their needs, but most of the time you are on the same team. This will take you a long way!

When you think back to your childhood ask yourself- what was I doing when my parents gave me praise? What made my parents proud? This is often the very thing we focus on to get validation from our family and peers as adults. We have been developing the neural connection that __________ = praise for a long time. So much so, that ithas become an automatic highway in our brain. That is, if we do _________ we are good enough, we will be loved, and we will be appreciated. This sh...ows you how it is easy for us to adopt our parents core beliefs due to being raised with them at the fore front of our parents behaviours. We can act with these beliefs, even if we don’t align with them fully as an adult. This concept is intergenerational and often goes back farther than you think. So, after answering the first questions above. Ask yourself, how does this show up in your life today? Does this align with how you want to be viewed and how you want to show up in the world? Here is an example- When you grew up you were always taught to work hard and to accomplish things. Achievement and excelling at school, sports, or whatever you did was always praised. You learn that your parents too were praised by their grandparents for achieving which has led your mother or father to be career focused and in a good job. You look up to your parents accomplishments. As an adult, you may seek validation in this world through getting things done, excelling in your job, or pursuing a hobby. sport. Its important for you to feel accomplished.