Chantille Groves Counselling & Consulting
522 2nd St. SE T1A 0C6 Medicine Hat, AB, Canada

I don't know about you, but this has been a tough parenting season for us. The fear is real, the hard conversations are in full swing, and it seems like the sma...llest things require significant cost/benefit analyses. I thought it might be a good time to dig back into The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting research. It's been helping us (huge thanks to all of the research participants). This first learning is a reminder of the core finding from this research: Some of the best strategies rely on modeling the behaviors we want to see. Turns out that we need to be the adult that we want our kids to grow up to be. Dammit. There is immeasurable power in our children watching us practice self-kindness vs. berating ourselves or putting ourselves down when we stumble, fail, or make mistakes. And, no matter how we encourage them to talk to themselves, they are definitely watching to see what really matters. And, letting them in on our process is equally as powerful: "I really dropped the ball today and I'm struggling to be kind to myself about it and talk to myself the way I'd talk to someone I love." Modeling, normalizing that it isn't easy, and connecting. Y'all have a great weekend! Awkward, brave and kind, folks.

October is ADHD Awareness Month. It is estimated that approximately 7.2 percent of children worldwide have ADHD, while about 3.4 percent of adults are estimate...d to have diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD. Did you know: ADHD is an inaccurate and potentially corrosive name. The term ‘deficit disorder’ places ADHD in the realm of pathology, or disease. Individuals with ADHD do not have a disease, nor do they have a deficit of attention; in fact, what they have is an abundance of attention. The challenge is controlling it. https://www.google.com//attention-deficit-disorder-va/amp/ EDITED TO ADD: I am NEITHER a diagnostician, nor a Psychologist. I’m a Special Education Teacher with a passion for sharing information about something very commonly misunderstood. #knowledgeispower (Graphics/Comics: Dani Donovan: https://www.adhddd.com/)

I have no memories of my childhood, teenage years, + most of my adulthood. I only realize this wasn’t normal when I’d be with friends or partners + they would r...ecall all different part of their lives. I couldn’t share much. I had no idea. At one point, I questioned if I been sexually assaulted a young age + completely blocked out memories. Deep down, I always knew something was off. Because I’d never experienced what I was trained to believe trauma was: severe abuse + neglect. It wasn’t until my partner stated jokingly saying I was in a spaceship (her word for when I was physically present but mentally absent) that I started to pay more attention. Then, a friend told me someone from our psychoanalytic training said I was aloof. This shocked me, because in my mind we had a connection. What I came to understand was that I HAD gone through trauma. It’s why I’m so passionate about expanding the definition. Trauma is not just the ‘big’ things. In fact, trauma cannot be measured by the event. It’s all the impact. It’s the way the brain + body process that impact. No two people experience trauma the same + at its core trauma is the loss of connection to Self. A loss that leads to deep loneliness + isolation. In my case, my mother was emotionally disconnected + chronically ill. Distracted by her own wounding + pain, she couldn’t connect with me. This emotional abandonment cause my adaptive response of dissociating. And, because I learned quickly the way to be seen was through achievement, I achieved. I believe MANY overachievers have high levels of dissociation. A trauma response rewarded by society. Where everyone else in your life believes you’re ok, but internally there’s immense pain. Have you ever experienced dissociation? #selfhealers

I’m a HUGE believer in attachment theory and I’ve taken several of Silvy’s courses. What better time to take inventory of our own attachment styles then during ...a pandemic when we are all looking for some type of connection. I’m an anxious attacher. What are you? All graphics belong to @silvykhoucasian on IG.

I grew up with a mother who didn’t love herself. She didn’t know how it wasn’t modeled for her. I never saw her prioritize self care or have any boundaries. I ...remember always hearing her speak negatively about her body, punishing herself with restrictive diets, + heard her unconsciously critique our physical appearance. It’s only now that I see how much pain she was in. It’s only now that I see that she chronically betrayed herself. It’s only now that I understand she was teaching me (without words) how to love myself. For most of my adult life, I neglected myself. I didn’t move my body, I ate in ways that didn’t serve my body, I drank too much. My relationship dynamics were the same as hers: filled with codependency. I had no separate self, I didn’t know who I was. How could I love myself if I didn’t know myself? The single greatest impact on our emotional development + physical development of our brains comes from the relationship we have with our parent or caretaker. They teach us how to love ourselves. I’m still learning how to do that, that’s what we’re here for. Loving ourselves has no steps, it’s not liner. It’s a humbling journey. It begins with being open: today I choose one small action to love myself. Every time we go to judge ourselves (as that critical parent once did) we can pause + say to our inner child we are learning together. I see you. I hear you. I’m here to protect you + grow together #selfhealers

If you've experienced pregnancy loss, you're not alone. To mark Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day locally, SAMHC is hosting a come & go vigil is tomorro...w (Oct. 15th) from 7-8p.m. at the front entrance of Medicine Hat College, while on Sunday, Oct. 18th there will be ‘A Walk to Remember’ from 10am -4pm in Police Point Park. The heartbreaking fact is that family violence often begins or escalates during pregnancy or after giving birth. This violence creates a higher risk for premature birth, health complications, and even miscarriage. If you're pregnant and experiencing abuse, we can provide support and shelter. Call our 24/7 help line at 403-529-1091 or 1-800-661-7949

Burnout. We’re all there. It’s exhausting. The good news? There’s a path through it. In this episode of #UnlockingUs I talk to Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski abo...ut their book, Burnout. I’ve been practicing their 7 complete the stress cycle strategies since we recorded the podcast and I must say: Total game changer! HUGE learning for me: Dealing with the STRESSOR is just one part of dealing with burnout. The other part is dealing with the STRESS by completing the stress cycle and getting through that emotions tunnel. You can listen to our conversation here: https://bit.ly/3iRRX4Q

Reaching out saves lives

Sis, the inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. Your I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself conditioning is a survival tacti...c. You needed it to shield your tender heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent by choice or by the circumstance of working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but no offered no safe haven that honored your heart. From the friendships that always took more than they gave. From all the situations when someone told you we’re in this together then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when isht got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too. From the lies. The betrayals. You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point. Ultra-independence is a *trust issue.* You learned: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will always drop the ball sooner or later, right? You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt women who came before you. #generationaltrauma #ancestraltrauma Ultra-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. To trust is to hope, to trust is vulnerability. Never again, you vowed. But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s trauma response. The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. You are worthy of having support. You are worthy of having true partnership. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your heart held. You are worthy to be adored. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to have someone say, You rest. I got this. And actually deliver on that promise. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy. Worthy, sis. You are worthy. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to bargain for it. You don’t have to beg for it. You are worthy. Worthy. Simply because you exist. I love you. ~J. . Credit: Original image by Rising Woman, reposted from The Womb Sauna. Commentary by moi, Jamila White (FB: http://fo.me/inspiredjamila, IG: @inspired.jamila) Permission to share/repost is gladly granted as long as: 1. It is kept in its original, unedited form; and 2. Full authorship credit is given with my name. A link/tag is appreciated. Thank you!

This is what grief is. A hole ripped through the very fabric of your being. The hole eventually heals along the jagged edges that remain. It may even shrink in ...size. But that hole will always be there. A piece of you always missing. For where there is deep grief, there was great love. Don’t be ashamed of your grief. Don’t judge it. Don’t suppress it. Don’t rush it. Rather, acknowledge it. Lean into it. Listen to it. Feel it. Sit with it. Sit with the pain. And remember the love. This is where the healing will begin. * This heartbreakingly beautiful sculpture is called Melancolie. It was created by Albert György (living in Switzerland, but born in Romania) and can be found in Geneva in a small park on the promenade (Quai du Mont Blanc) along the shore of Lake Geneva.*

Sometimes it’s just the little things