Haven Counselling

It can be problematic when we equivocate the two, they're really not the same thing. People-pleasing is rooted in trying to soothe and regulate our own emotions, whereas kindness is not about regulation at all, it comes from a place of abundance and giving. Save this and come back to it next time you are wondering if you should say yes or no to something, if you're making the right decision or when you are evaluating how you treat others.

We can get so stuck in genetics and what we believe to be inherent, that we write-off possibilities for ourselves. 1 Self-awareness is on a spectrum, it is not just a matter of having it or not, but instead, we hold awareness on different levels and this varies in different areas of our lives. We may have lots of self-awareness when it comes to our inner critic, but less aware of how our past events impact us today. 2 We ALL have blindspots. All. Of Us. This is why refle...ction is so important because you don't "achieve" self-awareness and walk away set for life, no, it is a constant looking and re-looking at yourself with curiosity. 3 If you would like to be more self-aware, it is definitely a buildable skill. Therapy can be so incredibly helpful for this. 4 If you want to become more self-aware, the first thing I always encourage people to do is to journal. There is a reason why journalling is so popular, it is just so effective for helping us notice patterns, themes, thoughts, feelings etc. What I notice that a lot of people have trouble with is knowing what to journal about. This is where guidance can be really effective. Using question prompts can help you hone in on key things to reflect on. It's the end of the year and one way to build self-awareness is to reflect on 2020. I made a PDF of 50 reflection questions categorized by wins/successes, challenges and planning for 2021. Click the link below to get your hands on it and of course, it's FREE because #christmas https://mailchi.mp/671a3a8cf84e/2020-reflection-prompts

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure", I remember reading that in one of my health studies courses and it has always stuck with me. If we're honest, most of us are so busy that we don't work on prevention, we mediate crises. So, we go from putting out one fire to the other. Sometimes, this means that when we start to feel the edges of burnout, that's when we start thinking about self-care, but really, self-care is supposed to help prevent burnout. It's an importan...t distinction. This is why therapists emphasize over and over that self-care is not selfish, because many people do not prioritize self-care and...hello burnout. These days, I'm trying to be mindful of making a conscious decision to take part in self-care, even if I feel great. Who's with me?

In case you need permission to be imperfect, here it is.

I remember balancing a part-time job and full-time studies. At the time, I did not know anything about boundaries or balance. I kept on getting more and more work to do and I always dreamed that my boss would recognize on her own that it was too much work for me and take the initiative to assign me less. Ok, dream on, Nina. Really though, we can't depend on others to set our boundaries for us or else we will be at the mercy of other people's perception and evaluation of what ...we can and cannot handle. I think there is a place for people who know us well to weigh in, but ultimately, responsibility for our own boundaries rests with us. As uncomfortable as that sounds, it is also empowering. YOU get to decide what fits, what needs to go, what needs to be adjusted. YOU get to listen to your body and honour it's needs. YOU ultimately know what is in alignment with your values and what is not.

Just leaving this as a reminder for you and for myself. It's tempting to view our wellbeing as dispensable, but it is literally our responsibility to take care of ourselves.