Healing Graces
4820 50 Ave #301 T4N 4A4 Red Deer, AB, Canada

Very true. Everyone wants to feel safe, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Having even the false sense of control over the external world allows us to feel less vulnerable but it’s only an illusion. As with the post before - focus on being the person who you are looking for and less on trying to orchestrate people and events to reinforce your illusion.

It seems like this would just be common sense, yet I am surprised by how often I can forget that knowing that something needs to change is not the same as being ready or willing to change it. Or seeing someone who needs help isn't the same as them wanting help lol - sometimes it's just best to be curious.

This is an interesting thought to ponder...what do you think?

Here’s a follow up post to the first that captures at least one possible perspective on why it is so hard for persons experiencing BPD to relax and feel secure in their relationships

This month I am going to focus posts on Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ll start off with this post because it captures a common painful experience for people who have BPD, or CPTSD or even attachment trauma. The need for connection in order to maintain a sense of value and worth and the difficulty with self validation love and compassion.

This seems a little overly dramatic yet I feel it’s not so far from the truth for many of us who have struggled to overcome trauma.

Anybody can say they love you, yet spying isn’t love. It’s obsessive and controlling behaviour, reflecting insecurity on the part of the perpetrator controlling, secretive, and spying behaviour is mental abuse and should not be tolerated.

He was a wise man.

This. Hits. Hard. The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. Your I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself conditioning i...s a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart. From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave. From all the situations when someone told you we’re in this together or I got you then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too. From all the lies and all the betrayals. You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point. Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE. You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right? You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable. Never again, you vow. But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s a trauma response. The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. You are worthy of having support. You are worthy of having true partnership. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your heart held. You are worthy to be adored. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to have someone say, You rest. I got this. And actually deliver on that promise. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to bargain for it. You don’t have to beg for it. You are worthy. Worthy. Simply because you exist. -Jamila White, @inspiredjamila

Wow....I just love info graphics such as this