Hope Remains Eternal

I entered 2020 with much hope and anticipation for a new year, a new decade. Instead it quickly, quite literally, knocked my down and continued with much loneliness, anxiety, and a new challenges I wasn't prepared for. 2020 did however show me that I am capable of handling much more than I ever thought I could. I found kindness, compassion and friendship come from the most unusual circumstances when least expected Into 2021 I will carry these valuable lessons with me... Breathe * just slow down and breathe. Words matter, but action matter more. Difficult times reveal the truth. I cannot control the circumstances, but I can always chose my response. Failures/challenges are opportunities for growth. There is ALWAYS a silver lining. Be UNAPOLOGETICALLY me!! For better or worse, 2020 has changed us all. I hope you see the lessons and growth you experienced as valuable steps in transformation to the best you!! I am entering this new year with a thankfull heart.. ACCEPTANCE will be my focus for 2021.

The last few days have been hard. Our wee family lost our beloved Mom-in-love and grandma on Monday. Mom lived a vibrant and joyful life, passing into Paradise after a lengthy battle with Alzheimer’s disease. I am still learning to navigate my grief. Being with Mom over her last days brought me right back to Doug's passing. I remember the feelings as if it were happening all over again. The smells, the flashbacks, the lights and the awful headache that followed. And I have... no advice to give, no words to offer my family. I thought I would have the perfect words, but sadly I don't. There is nothing you can say to mend the wound. I remember turning off my phone and social media not even reading the messages sent to me. Now that's just me and that doesn't mean not to reach out! Reach out, reach out multiple times!! They may respond, they may not but that is not the point. Grief is a very lonely experience especially after the funeral and initial death. It almost feels like the person is forgotten and life rolls on. The unanswered messages and words of encouragement will be read and help lighten the load. These messages really saved me and lifted my broken heart on more than one occasion. In memory of my treasured and loved Mom-in-love, Nancy! https://www.maccoubrey.com/service//nancy-elizabeth-hibrant

A rainbow is a prism that sends shards of multicolored light in various directions. It lifts our spirits and makes us think of what is possible. Hope is the same a personal rainbow of the mind. ~ Charles SnyderA rainbow is a prism that sends shards of multicolored light in various directions. It lifts our spirits and makes us think of what is possible. Hope is the same a personal rainbow of the mind. ~ Charles Snyder

Today I walked a beautiful path in the memorial gardens. Grief is a journey and finding my path through Doug's passing has been difficult. After someone you love dies, there is a time of transition. How long it can last is different for everyone and finding a new normal is a personal journey of self discovery. Learning to fully comprehend my grief - the terrifying pain that accompanies it- and coming to a place of learning that grief is just love, has been transformative.... Grief isn't something to get over. It is a response and process to deep emotional pain with many peak and valleys. Finding gratitude is not easy, but if you open yourself up to starting with love, it is possible. I have begun to see the gifts that grief can offer, even when it still hurts. See more

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of his warm smile. Not a day goes by that I do not picture his kind blue eyes looking at me. Not a day goes by that I do not miss him. Every morning for almost two years I have woken up and wished he was alive. Never once have I forgotten that he is missing from my life. Doug's absence is my first thought every day. And, every single night I lay in my empty bed and wish he was here. #icarryyourheartinmyheart #loveyouforeverandalways