Inner Flow Counselling | Wellness

Lessons from 2020 One foot in front of the other is enough Reclaim rest Question everything I’ve been taught because it likely has been white-washed

I understand the desire to acknowledge a shift, a change. To ignite hope. To set yourself up with dreams and desires. However, New Years resolutions, more often than not, become about calling out our perceived deficits. About trying to make ourselves more pleasing... but pleasing to whom? May we all practice radical self-acceptance for where we’re at. May we weave our acceptance with curiosity for unknown and vast possibilities. ... ID: background is gold and light blue blurred fireworks and the text reads: Please know that you are more worthy than resolutions linked to a date. Please know that your value isn’t connected to a goal or two or three. The details of your life are not required to be ‘improved’ upon just because the calendar year has changed. See more

Adaptive Survival Strategies are anything we’ve learned that help us adapt and survive unsafe people and/or environments. Often they begin early in life and are unconscious acts or beliefs. Overtime it’s common that our adaptive survival strategies don’t work as well as they did initially. They start out as intelligent and necessary ways we protect ourselves, they were smart and you were smart to adapt. And, as we mature and change these strategies can end up feeling m...isaligned or even harmful. This is confusing because history shows us that they were helpful (which is true), however, present experiences tell us they aren’t working and/or cause us discomfort (which is also true). This is often when we have the possibility to further adapt. However, adapt doesn’t mean forcing yourself to stop something; to force ourselves to stop something that feels like it aids in security would leave us more exposed, more vulnerable, and less resourced. Consciously adapting means exploring new ways of supporting ourselves and each other that fosters a sense of security and taps into our innate strengths. Engaging in these strategies more regularly will organically move us away from relying on older strategies that no longer fit. Some of our adaptations can be considered adaptive resources meaning they work for us. Only we can decide what works and what doesn’t. Some adaptations are a necessity for marginalized folks navigating white body supremacy, cis-normativity, heteronormativity, and ableism. Of course, there’s no hard rules here. Sometimes strategies shift and we notice after the fact. Sometimes we learn to replace them with more supportive strategies and sometimes we actively consciously engage in shifting them... or anything in-between. This is some seriously nuanced stuff that an IG post won’t be able to fully capture. Being supported by loved ones, communities, Elders, or professionals can be very helpful. There are many layers and threads to this tapestry. Be gentle with yourself and others.

For you: May we dance in celebration of our uniqueness. May we move our bodies in defiance of normal and acceptable. May we find the revolution in our cells and sweat it into existence.... May we land so fully and completely in our bodies that our presence creates change. See more

What place do you want to lead from? Where does strength / confidence / power live in you? During my last Movement Leader Mentorship session with @the360.amberryan of @the360emergence she asked me these questions. They have been reverberating through me since. It’s become a daily practice of tuning into the mindful somatic presence necessary to not only answer these questions but to live them. To embody them. To dance them. To walk & talk them. ... As I prepare to step into a new way of being in relationship with community in my ‘Community Sessions’ offering by leading movement and/or dance I’m grateful to turn my attention towards these questions and to divest in attending to fears and the draw to be small and unseen. What are you most craving to cultivate in your life? Where do these qualities or aspects live in you? Photo by: @faceinpalm ID: Yvette, a white femme with a shaved head dressed in a teal jumper with one hand on their heart and another on their belly with closed eyes. See more

For folks living with trauma the idea of making a new years resolution and changing behaviours can feel scary and threatening even when we desire to make changes. There is a difference between behaviours and adaptive survival strategies which are the things we’ve learnt to do or believe in order to adapt and survive. These are the things that have kept us safe. That help us navigate feeling unsafe. That help us work with our trauma symptoms. They can be conscious and un...conscious. Learning to understand the difference between behaviours and adaptive survival strategies is very important. Expecting ourselves or others to change something that at some point aided in safety because it’s a new calendar year completely dismisses the neurobiological and interpersonal impacts of trauma. Even when we understand that the adaptive survival strategies we’ve used in the past aren’t working as well as they use to, it’s not easy to change because they’re linked to survival and security. This goes way beyond willpower. This goes way beyond not wanting it bad enough. This is about developmental reformation and not simply changing behaviours. Please consider how you may further develop resiliency and security before you try and address any adaptive survival strategies. A few years ago I wrote a blog called ‘The Impacts of Developmental Trauma’ that explains all this in greater detail. The link in profile. ID: blue background with white text that reads: Why I’m not a fan of New Years Resolutions. Changing behaviour is one thing but trying to change behaviour that has kept you safe for a long time or that helps you navigate trauma symptoms today is not simple and has nothing to do with willpower. See more

ID1-3: Bright multicoloured back ground with white text. ID1: Existing within cistems is exhausting. I’m sorry that we’re still in this place of entrenched binary-hetero thinking. *Systems is spelled c-i-s-t-e-m-s. ID2: If the people around you aren’t validating your queerness. It doesn’t make you any less queer. ... ID3: If the people around you aren’t celebrating our queerness it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be celebrated. See more

Whatever direction your heading in with your nervous system let it be directed by you. Social media & dominant culture can make us think that rest and mobilization have to look a certain way. It doesn’t. When we can let go of the shoulds around our journey we can ease into the truth of what’s right for us. What feels right is more important than how it’s perceived by others. ID1: light blue background with dark blue text above a yellow line. Text reads: Stillness and r...est are a necessary part of life and can help us connect to parts of us that require slow steady attention. Rest gathers our energy and can lead to clarity. And, if your adapted survival strategies are more oriented towards activation, slowing down can feel scary and even threatening. Take rest & slowness in small increments. ID12: blue background with white text above a yellow line. Text reads: Activation is normal and can connect us to the qualities of aliveness, joy, & pleasure. And, if your adapted survival strategies are more oriented towards collapse it can take awhile to get use to feeling activation in your system. Take it slowly. You’ll be less likely to overwhelm your system. See more

Sometime compassion looks like simple sentences of understanding. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes compassion is saying hey, I see you. I see your pain -and- I want to show you this, over here. It’s an invitation to connect with possibilities. Sometimes compassion is a strong boundary. It’s a robust and clear statement. It’s a valid and direct this is not okay and will not be tolerated.... Sometimes compassion isn’t sitting with others where they’re at. Sometimes it’s inviting them to journey a few steps with you. [ID: background picture of potted cacti with a semitransparent circle overlaid with the words Compassion comes in many forms. Let your compassion be robust.] See more

ID: blue background with white words above a yellow line: Oppression exists in perfectionism Oppression exists in hyper-productivity Oppression exists in comparison Oppression exists in individualism... Oppression exists in managing others expectations Oppression exists in managing oneself to conform Oppression exists in denying your pleasure Oppression exists in controlling emotions Oppression exists in _____________________ Oppression is built into colonialism and racism. As therapists we see the impacts of oppressive systems everyday. To expect us to not be political is to ask us to ignore one of the major contributing factors to most people’s suffering. To ask therapists to not be political is to ask us to perpetuate white supremacy.

Of course survivors of long-term relational & developmental trauma adapt by becoming hyper-focused on themselves. It’s one way to ensure survival. To monitor every thought, movement, feeling. To take another’s actions as a reflection of you. To take things personally, even things that are fully out of your control. This offers some semblance of control. The unconscious belief might be, if it’s about me, then I can change, I can adapt, I can be the variable. This ...is different than narcissism. Many clients with developmental trauma wonder am I a narcissist? Narcissists don’t worry about being a narcissist nor do they concern themselves with the pain and the emotions of others. Folks with developmental trauma seem to be acutely aware of others emotions. The differences go on. In order to calm the hyper-vigilance it helps to have experiences of feeling safe and be in relationships with earned security. These experiences allow us to redistribute our attention. And, there’s variables to consider here, a sense of security on the micro and macro level can be very different. Politicized bodies are less likely to experience safety on a macro level so attending to how safety is experienced within the inner circle is vital. ID: white background with blue text between two yellow lines. Text reads: Developmental trauma results in you attending to your safety in hyper-vigilant ways. This can present as self-focused behaviour. This is different than narcissism. See more

What parts of you needs to tell your story? What part of you needs to express? To contract & expand? What part of you craves to break out of the role it finds itself? Bring your self. All your selves. Bring your story. All your stories. Bring your shadow. Your darkness. Your anger. Your pain. Call forth all the aspects of yourself that you’ve been taught to hide. To diminish. To deny. All of you is welcome here. ... Bring your joy. Your pleasure. Your vivacious self. Your light. Your whimsy. Your playfulness. Express your radiance. Let it shine. Let yourself shine. This years Community Session (link in profile) begins with us gathering together to move freely. To meet ourselves and each other with movement as our language. We will then gather with spoken words and tea (at least I’ll have tea) and share what’s in our bodies, our hearts, and on our minds. Completing with stillness and a guided mindfulness practice. This therapeutic gathering happens once a month Jan-June. Pre-registration is required so we can stoke the fires of community over 6 months. Please see the link in my profile for full details. I hope to move, commune, and sit with you. See more

I am a person who is experiences somatic counter transference and not just in the therapy room, I’ve felt it my whole life. Some people call this being an empath. Others call it being highly sensitive. For me, it’s just how I experience the world. Think of a tuning fork that vibrates in resonance with other tuning forks around it. However, for me I’m attuning to other peoples felt sense and emotions. Life can feel very complicated when you’re unable to discern what’s yours an...d what’s not! This means that boundary work has been a evolving practice that’s not only a practice in communication and needs recognition but also implementing somatic/ energetic practices. From an energetic perspective boundaries as protection allowed me to discern my edges from the world. It helped me gain clarity. Boundaries as permission is now allowing me to live in the world as a sovereign being. Which means I get to experience a deeper relationship with my life. What if the edges of our boundaries are viewed as a place where we discern our willingness to align and connect with others? What if this edge is the edge of permission and inside our boundaries we are sovereign? And, what if all that is outside our boundaries is allowed to exist without our need to internalize it or be responsible for it? How is this different than viewing our boundaries from the lens of protection? If boundaries are viewed as being the thing that protects us from the outside, from others; I wonder, how do you feel inside our own space? If your boundaries exist to protect you, how do you feel inside your boundary? I know I felt fragile and unprepared. But with permission boundaries: I am sovereign and clear. I meet others at my edges. There is an inherent permission for them to exist and have their experiences. I have permission to exist and have my experiences. And, we get meet at our edges and decide if we want to attune like two tuning forks. ID: in comments #resilientboundaries See more

I awoke aware of the amount of pressure I tend to place on myself, aware of the pressure I feel collectively. So I danced with that today. And after dancing in virtual community this morning these are the words that came. Maybe you need them too. ID: dark background with white feather on bottom left hand side. Words read: On being where you are May you find the gentle steps to connect you to your dreams. May you find the place of deep rest where your hearts whispers ca...n be heard. May you find the moments, this moment, and remember it’s an integral part of where you are going. May you rest in the knowing that you are here. And here is valid. See more