Instinctual Sleep

It feels like there has been some extra emotion around here lately (and not just from 5 month pregnant me haha). I hit a point the other day where I caught myself saying "okay honestly just stop crying". ....And then I cringed. That response that slipped out of my mouth had a lot more to do with me than my two year old.... Here's the thing. Kids had a lot to cry about. And THAT IS OKAY. Children need to cry a lot in the first five years of life. They need to become adaptive when up against the things they cannot change. They need us to support them through their emotional responses and they need us to encourage them in experiencing a full spectrum of emotions. We need to change the way we see tears (even if this is a constant ongoing work in progress for you like it feels like for myself some days). Tears aren't a nuisance, in fact they are therapeutic. Tears aren't manipulative, they are communication. Tears aren't something to silence, they are something to support. Tears aren't something to punish, they are something to validate. Tears aren't a sign of poor parenting, they can be approached in way that can strengthen connection. Crying is okay, important and necessary. Big feelings need to be respected, not feared. It isn't important that we understand or agree with our children's emotions. Their emotions are their own and they are not for us to control. What IS important is that we respect our children's emotions that we stand by them to love them unconditionally. See more

Has your toddler ever resisted bedtime? Have they ever refused to brush their teeth or change into PJs? What I want to share with you today is that this is not only normal, but also a great sign of healthy toddler development! When you are experiencing this with your toddler, all this means is that you are experiencing counterwill. ... Counterwill is simply an instinct, an instinct to resist. Our children are not exempt from this instinct because this is an instinct that is innate to all humans! This instinct tells us to oppose or counter when we are feeling coerced or controlled. Counterwill serves a very important function as it is a response that is designed to protect when feeling coerced or facing separation. Children are designed to be directed to the people we are attached too meaning they will resist people they are not connected too, such as strangers. Counterwill helps to ensure that we hold an important place in our children's life as the one to be caring for them. The tricky part is that sometimes our children's desire to resist us is bigger than their desire to follow us. So when it comes to bedtime battles, think about this! Remember your toddler is supposed to resist, they are supposed to oppose! Stay tuned this week for more information on counterwill as well as strategies on how to stay connected with your child and overcome counterwill! See more

Babies aren’t blank slates that we write a personality on. Being active or quiet or unpredictable is as built in as being curly-haired or long-legged or round-facedAs you get to know your baby, you’ll realize you can shape who she is a little bit, but you can’t change who she is. Becoming a family is all about fitting your personalities together day and night Sweet Sleep PC: @foxandfeather

Posted @withregram @instinctualsleep One of the most unfortunate things about toddler and infant sleep in today's society is this notion that we have so much control. Here is the truth: WE DON'T. The sleep industry has us convinced that if we just do "such and such" our problems will be solved. We have been lead to believe that if we follow a schedule based solely on age, or that if we abide to a "one-size-fits" all approach sleep will be infinitely easi...er and less stressful. What happens next is that this false sense of control comes crashing down around us and leaves with nothing but anxiety, frustration and doubt when the dust settles. I want to give you another perspective. Instead of obsessing over sleep, tracking it to the minute and leaving your child feeling just as anxious about it as you are as they synchronize with your emotions..switch your focus! Forget about schedules and watching the clock..even just for a few days to see what happens. Tune into your baby, get to know their tired cues. Watch them instead of the clock and see what natural rhythm unfolds. Once you find their natural patterns you will be able to time things so much easier! Focus on meeting their needs and making their environment as conducive for sleep as possible. Most importantly, focus on RELATIONSHIP. Pour into your child like crazy. Give them so much love and connection. Spend time with them going through enjoyable routines so they associate positive feelings with sleep! Try it out, let me know what happens! Maybe sleep (for you and your babe!) will suddenly seem much more attainable!! See more