Iqaluit Breaktime News

HAPPY HOUSEHOLD HINTS Mosquito bite? Heat a spoon under hot tap water and press it onto the spot. The heat will destroy the protein that caused the reaction and the itching will stop.

BABY 1, 2, 3! MATERNITY CLOTHES: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. THE ...LAYETTE: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? PACIFIER: 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. DIAPERING: 1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. See more

TARDY Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, School Ahead, Go Slow!

A huge thanks to YOU for spending some time with us every week! We have enjoyed creating this little paper each week for the past 16 years. We are sad to announce that this is the FINAL VOLUME of the Iqaluit Breaktime News. Thanks for the years of support and love! Read this week’s paper online: http://www.breaktimenews.ca/breaktime.pdf

THE HORMONE GUIDE Women will understand this! Men should memorize it! Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other! The following comments are in the order of 1. DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you... like to go for dinner? ULTRA-SAFE: Here, have some wine. 2. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: You sure look good in brown! SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA-SAFE: Here, have some wine. 3. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here’s my pay check. ULTRA-SAFE: Here, have some wine. 4. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? ULTRA-SAFE: Here, have some wine. 5. DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day? SAFER: I hope you didn’t over-do it today. SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe! ULTRA-SAFE: Here, have some wine. Be sure to pass on this handy and helpful guide to all of your hormonal friends, to those who might need a good laugh and men who need a warning. See more