P.E.Eyes

MERL TAKES A STAND I dropped into the beer store this morning. My plan was to stock up on my favourite lager before the mad rush of the weekend. Much to my surprise, the place was packed with young people, 19 to 22, I would guess. Oh sure, I remember back to my youth when grabbing a 2-4 with the guys and sneaking off to Hanlon’s Point to get blitzed before hitting the local house-party scene was the cool thing to do. But that was then, and this is now. What the hell are the...Continue reading

NOVEMBER 08 VERN A date with destiny. For the past eight months, there have been two items of interest that have become paramount in almost every conversation at some point. ...Continue reading

OCTOBER 24 MERL’S DESTINY When I was a young lad, I would often walk down the hill from our home overlooking the harbour and watch the fishermen bring in their catches. Loving the sea as I do, it looked like a grand way to make a living. The old piscators never cared about how they looked, or how they smelled for that matter, and even from a distance, I could tell that they were real men - Men of the Deep. I wanted to be like them when I grew up.... Me Pa would have none of that. He said the fishermen had a very important role in life, but that I was destined for something bigger. He was determined to send me off to the best school he could afford so that I would bring pride and dignity to the Wadkins family. Nothing short of a doctor or lawyer, he would say. Unless of course, I had an itch that would push me towards politics. Politicians were not the most dignified people, he admitted, but they had clout and if I were to become one, he expected that I would make a difference for the good of the country. If me poor old man lived long enough to see that I was recruited at an early age (and right from the school he had me admitted to, no less) to serve the country as a secret agent, I think he would have shit his pants and eventually drink himself to death. So, here I am today. An MI5 government agent retired. I don’t catch mackerel, I catch bad guys. I don’t save lives with the hands of a surgeon; I save them with the skills and weaponry of the trade. I don’t arbitrate for the rights of my clients in court; I beat the shit out of dissidents and terrorists. Would me Pa be proud of me knowing all of this? Somehow, I doubt it, but then again not many people have the wherewithal to understand and appreciate what we in the Service do. And that, dear readers, is why I live alone out here in God’s country. And it’s why I have developed such an appreciation for me beer just don’t try to entice me with one unless it’s cold enough to frost your knockers! Cheers!

OCTOBER 21 WILMA - ONE PERSON’S STEAK IS ANOTHER PERSON’S GOAT I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of holding my shit together for the past seven months, but last night it finally happened - I lost it....Continue reading

OCTOBER 17 CASSIE JUST ANOTHER NIGHT AT THE BAR! So, there’s this weird guy who’s been coming into the bar almost every evening for the past three weeks. Nice looker too. With his thick brown hair and a killer smile, he reminded me of that Hollywood heartthrob, Ryan Reynolds. I was immediately interested and began to entertain thoughts of how to test the waters with this hunk of a man. ...Continue reading

OCTOBER 17 CASSIE JUST ANOTHER NIGHT AT THE BAR! So, there’s this weird guy who’s been coming into the bar almost every evening for the past three weeks. Nice looker too. With his thick brown hair and a killer smile, he reminded me of that Hollywood heartthrob, Ryan Reynolds. I was immediately interested and began to entertain thoughts of how to test the waters with this hunk of a man. ...Continue reading

Ben AS THE ARSE BURNS! I know the curiosity must be killing you right now, but be patient, I have to build up to this one. During a recent warm spell, I thought it would be nice to take a drive up to the north shore and take in the beach experience for the last time this year. Vern and the girls were tied up with business, and Edna was not an option. Don’t get me wrong, I love the old gal, but I wanted a day of relaxation, not sermons, so I ventured out on my own....Continue reading

Jackson Donohue here we go again! Yeah, I haven’t been on this lame page in quite a while. Frankly, I don’t like giving those fool detectives the publicity this is garnering. But I’ve been told if I want to remain an active character in the P.E.Eyes Series, I have to play ball with this crap. It’s extortion, but what the hell can I say? I’m not one of the B/S Investigators here, I’m only a cop. Apparently, my humiliation makes for good reading. I got an anonymous call las...Continue reading

EDNA TO THE RESCUE Ben wanted to host a Thanksgiving turkey dinner at his place. He was insistent on preparing the entire meal, and have all of us over since we fit nicely into his bubble. Sounds like a great idea? Think again, dear readers....Continue reading

Ben AS THE ARSE BURNS! I know the curiosity must be killing you right now, but be patient, I have to build up to this one. During a recent warm spell, I thought it would be nice to take a drive up to the north shore and take in the beach experience for the last time this year. Vern and the girls were tied up with business, and Edna was not an option. Don’t get me wrong, I love the old gal, but I wanted a day of relaxation, not sermons, so I ventured out on my own....Continue reading

Jackson Donohue here we go again! Yeah, I haven’t been on this lame page in quite a while. Frankly, I don’t like giving those fool detectives the publicity this is garnering. But I’ve been told if I want to remain an active character in the P.E.Eyes Series, I have to play ball with this crap. It’s extortion, but what the hell can I say? I’m not one of the B/S Investigators here, I’m only a cop. Apparently, my humiliation makes for good reading. I got an anonymous call las...Continue reading

Vern’s Postal Nightmare I got a letter in the mail today. So, you’re probably thinking, big deal, right? We all get letters in the mail, some more than others. Well as it turns out this particular letter was mixed in with a bunch of other stuff, you know credit card bills, utility bills, flyers from every bloody grocery and department store on the island, and the annoyingly frequent requests for donations to save everything from space-bound monkeys to cross-eyed and knock...Continue reading

Rainforth’s Brush with reality Yes, I am a Head Nurse here at Queen Elizabeth Hospital. It’s my duty to oversee just about everything and everyone in my ward. But truth be known, I’ve been around so long, and have made so many connections, both in-house and abroad that I practically run this hospital. Sure, I’m bragging and being a bit melodramatic, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. There isn’t much that happens here that I’m not aware of or involved with. Tha...Continue reading

Merl Checkmate! One of the advantages of being stuck out here with no one around to bother me is the opportunity I now have to explore new and interesting ways to occupy my time. Over the summer I have developed a couple of, what I call, micro-explosive devices (MEDs for short). I’m sure I will find an opportunity to use them once this pandemic dies out. Stay tuned for that one folks. Another advantage to being secluded out here is the time it gives me to update and enhan...Continue reading

Ben’s Order After hearing over and over again from the girls that it is so easy to order stuff online, I decided to try it out. Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely hate shopping. I don’t like the crowds; I don’t like pushy salespeople; I don’t like trying on clothes in those perverted changerooms where people can see your bare feet while you sit there struggling to fit into something you don’t really want in the first place. But with the social distancing and ma...Continue reading

Edna's Day. If you are sitting there, reading this post, and thinking,, "Man, I wish I had a cushy job like Edna's", then I suggest you flip over to something more fitting for your tiny brain to entertain you. Allow me to enlighten you on a typical day for me, if I may. ...Continue reading

Wilma's Revenge ... For those of you who recall me speaking of our town's celebrated drunk, Boozecan Barney, you will appreciate an incident that happened here at the bar over the weekend. Our staff here at Peters" Tavern know enough to cut Barney off after a three-drink maximum. He seems to be able to cope reasonably well with that amount of liquor circulating through him, but anything above and beyond tends to re-activate the latent alcohol-soaked atoms that remain dormant ...Continue reading

Happy Birthday Jim. We love you down here in Misty Harbour. Edna's baked you a cake, but Ben & Vern ate it. Merl brought a case of Moosehead for your virtual party, but once it was cold enough to drink he did...all of it. Cassie and I worked on a poem for you: Rose's are red, violets are blue. We love you and thank you for all that you do! ... Wilma and the gang!

Ben ... Gullible or Psychic The last time we were in Montreal, Vern thought it would be good for a few laughs if we stopped into a shop called, "Weird Things" and purchase an ornate Ouija Board that was in their display window. I told him it was a bad idea and I wanted no part in it. My dear old mother once warned me of the dangers posed by provoking and interacting with the spirits of the departed, many of whom were evil. Last week, while at Vern's place, I noticed the boar...Continue reading

Cassie's crush ... Lately, I've been looking for new and exciting ways to deal with this damn Virus protocol. The latest stats to come out have us here on the Island at 41 cases since the virus first began, and with no one being hospitalized, and no deaths resulting, one can only hope that the restrictions will be lifted soon. And by soon I mean before the end of the year. But in the meantime, I have to deal with the day-to-day boredom. Sure, it's nice to get out from time to...Continue reading