kidsfirstconsulting

Choices choices choices! They are so powerful in encouraging cooperation from your child because they provide the child with a sense of control. Kids love to feel in control. By offering your child a choice when you suspect a power struggle coming, you are giving them power and authority - the experience of making a decision. This is huge for children. For example, yesterday my son was playing with his toys before his nap. I had a feeling he would resist putting them away ...when I told him it was time to head to sleep. So, I said: Should we put your cars in the box or on the shelf during your nap? You choose. I also added: They will be waiting for you when you wake up. Should we play with the red one or the blue ones then? This made him feel in total control of the situation. Of course choices don’t always work but in that moment it worked like a charm! Thank you @parenting_fairly for these examples of how to incorporate choices into your daily parenting scripts.

When your child hits, they are trying to express a feeling. There are many moments throughout the day that can become teachable moments with our children, but when they hit, this is NOT the best time. In that moment of anger, they won’t benefit from a lesson about why we shouldn’t hit, that it hurts other people’s feelings, etc. They just need our help to stop this action and reestablish safety. Try this instead - tell your child how much you love them and that you wouldn’t ...allow others to hit them, thus you won’t let them hit others. This magically takes the wall of defence down between you and your chid and there’s a big chance they will begin to listen to you. When your child hits, it’s also helpful to validate their feelings. Feeling angry or upset is acceptable. Let your child know they can feel this way, but still, they cannot hit. Perhaps they want to squeeze a pillow instead, or leave the room and take a break from playing with their sibling? Offer them an alternative option to do rather than hitting. Try this out the next time you’re in this situation. It might not change the behaviour overnight, but this positive parenting language will make a difference over time.

Do diaper changes with your toddler ever turn into a complete sh*t show!? (Pun intended ) Here’s an idea - rather than telling your child what NOT to do on the change table, how about you tell them how helpful it is when they are cooperating? Focus on when they are doing it right! This technique applies to so much more than just a diaper change. A running theme in my consults this week has been to encourage parents to catch them behavin...g well. Put your child in the spotlight. When you notice and acknowledge their positive behaviours, they will seek out more they love this attention! Focus on when they do listen to you and show cooperation, and consider using positive acknowledgment in those times. Why? It is so important to help children feel valued. They want hear their name and be called out for positive reasons. I noticed you playing well with your sister. That was great! I saw you helping daddy out when you were cleaning the playroom. He must have really loved your help. Try filling your child’s attention bucket up with positive acknowledgement. Over time, you will find that any behaviour or action that we can give more attention to will usually result in more of that specific behaviour. See more

Goal for the week: Catch your child doing good! For example, sitting nicely at the table, playing well with their sibling, following through when asked to do something. When you notice it, point it out to them and let them know how happy this makes you! Even if it is a short 2 second window of good behavior, acknowledge it. Try it out! ... @thriving.toddler

A huge goal as a parent is to teach our children to identify and express their feelings openly in a supported environment. So, by labeling their big feelings and helping them navigate through them, they eventually learn to communicate with us with words in a calmer way. Once you can accept these outbursts of emotions from them, you will experience way less frustration when they happen. So, next time your toddler is angry that they can't have the toy they want, empathize wit...h her, sit with her, get her a drink- this all helps to regulate.When your preschooler is upset because he’s not ready to leave the playdate, and we listen and help him take deep breaths - we are helping him to regulate. This is a developmental process. Try not to rush it as soon enough they will be able to express themselves - and you will be so proud of them.

Believe it or not, a time out should not be used as a punishment nor should they be considered a threat. Its an opportunity to give our bodies the time to recharge, reset and breathe. Look at it in a more positive light: Do you need some time to rest? Does your body need a break? Even as an adult, don’t you want to sneak away sometimes when you’ve just had it and you can’t seem to snap out of your mood? Same with children. They need this too, but sometimes they just need... their parents to help them figure this out. So when do we use time outs? Well, while our kids may not agree, time outs are positive tools. They let our kids take a break when they truly need it! It’s an opportunity for a reset. When a child has a tough time controlling their physical and/or verbal impulses then we can give them a chance to relax and regroup by asking them to take a few minutes away from the situation. It can really help make a difference!

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m big on giving your children the opportunity to choose. The question is though, how can we help our children choose well? The key is to focus on internal motivation. We want our children to learn HOW to think and not just WHAT to think. This can best be done through communicating the outcome positive or negative of their choices. When your child makes a good decision, let them know why this was a good decision. Then, pra...ise them for this choice. Success begets success! If they made a not so good decision, let them know the consequence that this decision had on the day. Great news! You can also let them know that tomorrow is a new day, and they can try again.

So excited to be launching my website!! Check it out at www.kids-first.ca Link in bio

I won’t let anyone hit you and I won’t let you hit anyone. This type of language is so effective when addressing your children after they hit. Why? It keeps the wall of defense down. It shows your child that you are on their team and that you love them too much to let others hit them. Once you take this wall of defense down, they are usually more inclined to listen to you. Try it out!

Bedtime struggles are REAL! The example above gives some tips on how to decrease the power struggle through validating their emotions in the situation, stating the boundary, shifting to what they can do, offering choices and then allowing them to anticipate what’s to come. So instead of saying, that’s it, it’s bedtime, hurry up we can say something like in the image above. The key is to follow through with confidence on what we say, so that our children feel safe. Feel fr...ee to reach out in a DM with any additional questions re: bedtime! @themompsychologist

There were LOTS of tantrums in my home this week. With back to school there was a lot of change earlier wake ups, new teachers, new routines overall. The tantrums could be attributed to any one of these factors or a combination of them all How did we survive the week? Reminding ourselves that tantrums are part of NORMAL child development. In the first 6 years of your child’s life, the development of brain maturity is greatly focused on working through self- control, em...otional control, and the need for immediate gratification. Often, when a child doesn’t get what they want immediately, they can go from 0 to 100 in 1 second flat. Sometimes it looks pretty scary, but don’t be alarmed by the screeching they will be okay! What helped me get through the tantrums this week was being mindful that tantrums are not a sign of poor parenting or a sign of a badly behaved child. It is simply a moment where your child can’t seem to regulate their emotions effectively. They just need to cry. So what do we do? We validate. We offer love and support. We stay calm and when the end of the day has come, we take a deep breath and start the next day with a clean slate. Oh, and maybe we pour ourselves a big glass of wine too, if necessary I have lots more tactics in dealing with these inevitable tantrums effectively. DM me with your questions! Please tell me I’m not alone what caused meltdowns in your house this week? @the_psychologists_child

Parenthood is tough! We are all just doing our best. The tools that I suggest are not expected to be implemented all of the time. Please, don’t stress. Some days you might be on 100% of the time and others you might be 50% of the time. Other times, maybe only 10%. Any amount is good enough. The more you practice, the more often you will witness co-operation with your child. What we are striving for is parenting that teaches. This is the thread that runs through all of my c...onsultations with families. In my posts, I try to recommend simple tools that are logical, fair and most importantly that value and support the healthy growth of a child. These tools can be used some of the time, most of the time or everyday. We’re all human and we get tired and impatient and can simply not be in the mood to have to think about these parenting tools. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to use the perfect language all of the time. We are all doing the best we can! We got this! See more