love to sleep

Part 2 of my "Coffee and Cosleeping" guest spot is out now! It's jam-packed with tips! Listen to the episode to find out:... - The 3 tools I use to wade through all the bullshit sleep and parenting advice - What made me say "dump the chump!" - How Amanda found more sleep and more happiness - The secret to having your bed-sharing baby sleep on their own at daycare - If schedules are the secret to your baby sleeping better - What nugget of wisdom gives Alexis a lightbulb moment - My top tips to get more sleep, including what kind of nightlight you should have (yup! It matters!) - Where you can find an online village of like-minded parents and caregivers Told ya it was full of good stuff! Tune in to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/CoffeeandCosleeping Links mentioned in the episode: - resources on my website: https://lovetosleep.ca/resources/ - The Beyond Sleep Training Project Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1844822782469496/?ref=share

3 powerful tools to cut through the bullshit surrounding baby sleep and regain some perspective. Link to my cheat-sheet version of this that I mention in the video: https://lovetosleep.ca/3-ways-to-cut-through-bs-sleep-advi/

Had the pleasure of being a guest on the Coffee & Cosleeping podcast - not for one, but for TWO WHOLE EPISODES! In the first episode, I reveal the single WORST piece of baby advice I was given (that actually turned out to be the best), and we talk about why knowing how to safely bed-share is important, even if you never plan on bringing your baby into your bed. Stay tuned for the second episode - coming out July 5th!... Find the first episode here: https://anchor.fm/CoffeeandCosleeping Resources mentioned in this episode: - Safer Bedsharing resource - "Safe Sleep Seven" by La Leche League:https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/ - The book I wished I'd read when I was pregnant - "Sweet Sleep" by La Leche League (not an affiliate link): https://www.amazon.ca/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-St//0345518470 - and my Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/lovetosleepcanada/

Currently working my way through this list of resources and books on breaking white silence with my child. If your preferred bookstore or library doesn't carry the books listed, make a formal request. "It’s normal to get flustered when when our children talk about race. But if we let nervousness keep us silent and still, our fear becomes a weapon.... Growing up, I was told that discrimination would magically disappear if we stop acknowledging racial difference. All people are the same. Skin color doesn’t matter. Only bad people are racist. If we are all nice and well-behaved, racism will go away. This is the fallacy of colorblind ideology. It’s a tool to keep us complicit in white supremacy. Don’t be a tool. We must talk about race with young kids. Racism thrives in silence." https://booksforlittles.com/racial-diversity/ https://www.prettygooddesign.org//Blog%20Post%20Title%20On

Middle of the night grunting? Common, and probably nothing to worry about

Flexibility is the name of the game these days. The last nap drop coincided with the start of the province-wide self-isolation mandate, and right now most of our evenings look like this. If we try to have our regular bedtime routine when he's obviously tired, he wants to play instead and ends up getting a second wind... And that ends up in clumsiness, meltdowns, and suuuuper late bedtimes. Not fun for anyone, and he's obviously having a hard time. So for now, I put on my pj...'s after dinner and we play, and then snuggle on the couch. Which usually ends up in this. Am I worried that I've messed up our usual routine? No. We'll get back to it eventually - but it wasn't working for us right now. So instead, we're just going with the flow and it's far less stressful for everyone

Does your baby have the ability to self-soothe? SPOILER! No, they don't. That's why they need your help!

It's not a bad habit!! Feeding to sleep is a wonderful tool in your parenting library

Natural sleep helper: daylight and fresh air!

Keep our babies close https://www.cbc.ca//covid-19-breastfeeding-cps-who-phac-1.

My top 3 tips on how to cut through the massive amount of advice and information out there on what you "should" be doing about your baby's sleep. I've also created a cheat-sheet for you! You can find it here: https://lovetosleep.ca/3-ways-to-cut-through-bs-sleep-advi/

Feeling like you should implement a sleep schedule or push for independent sleep right now? Here's why I think you shouldn't.

A fascinating visual representation of a baby's sleep pattern for the first 6 months of life. " Andrew Elliot mapped his daughter's sleeping patterns for the first six months of her life. The circle is oriented like a 24-hour clock with midnight at the top. Each concentric circle represents a day, starting from day 1 in the center. Sleep, or inactivity, is blue and waking hours are tan." You can see that for the first little bit, sleep is chaotic and the baby is sleeping dur...ing the day and awake at night. But around the 12-14 week mark, a baby's circadian rhythm starts to kick in make sense of days and nights. https://www.discovermagazine.com//dad-turns-newborn-daught

Your sleep troubles might seem extra-heavy right now. Your doubt is creeping in, you're questioning everything - you're worried that you're setting your baby up to fail, that they aren't normal, or that you're not doing what's best for your child. If you need support right now, I'm here.... I have one-hour virtual consults available (perfect for talking through 2-3 concerns), as well as more robust packages where I hold your hand through this and you have me tucked into your back pocket for at least 2 weeks https://lovetosleep.ca/packages/

Why does being a responsive parent feel so effing hard?? (other than it being the middle of the night) - Because you're the only one around you parenting this way and it feels lonely as heck - Because parenting is hard work, period. You're putting in tons of work NOW and laying down a solid foundation for a future with kids that will want to tell you about their heartbreaks and successes because they know you've got their back... - Because you're re-parenting yourself at the same time, essentially doubling the mental energy needed to consciously parent this way - And because you're actively reprogramming yourself and your default reactions (which means literally rewiring your brain - which takes time!) Just because it feels hard, it doesn't mean it's not working. Slipping up and acting like an a-hole doesn't mean that you're not doing a good job or that it's not working. Even if no one else seems to be parenting this way, it doesn't mean it's not working. If your 14 month old still needs to nurse every 2 hours at night... If your 6 month old only has 20-minute catnaps during the day... If your 10 month old seems allergic to sleep and only wants you... it doesn't mean it's not working. You're playing the long game. You're building a strong relationship with your child for the future. You're teaching them that you're there for them, no matter what - that they can count on you. And one day, you'll be able to see that it was working all along.

Ways I'm staying busy and active with a toddler indoors (aside from endless snack-making and pretending to be a horsey/alligator/"bad-mommy" superhero ) : - couch cushions on the floor as "lava rocks" - swatting a balloon around as hard as we can - kid-friendly yoga... What about you? https://youtu.be/C4CaR0syf1g

This is a weird time, and many of us will be spending lots of time at home with hungry kids (kids always want snacks, right??) So I'm sharing my absolute fave banana bread recipe. It's very forgiving! And also makes amazing muffins and mini-muffins. A few notes to make it even better:... - add an extra banana and cut the sugar down to 1/4 cup (or even completely out if that's your thing) - you can add all kinds of good things (from hemp hearts to blueberries - or both!) to the batter It's super hard for me to not eat 3 of the muffins right out of the oven, but they're healthyish enough so I just go with it https://www.epicurious.com//no-mixer-banana-bread-5228/amp

The next time your baby is unsettled in the middle of the night (and you're about to lose your shit), try this: 1- Take a deep breath 2- Repeat a mantra (or assign a helpful meaning to the situation) such as "My baby won't always need me this intensely - but when he/she does, I am here."... 3- Remind yourself that you've got this 4- Take one step that will help you cope (go pee, eat something, put noise-cancelling headphones on, punch a pillow, open a window for some fresh air, etc) 5- Rinse, wash, and repeat as often as needed For more custom support, send me a message and we can go from there

Would you be willing to share a bit about your sleep struggles with me? It's a short survey - only 4 questions - and it's confidential <3

This is how we nap at home, and usually also nursing. We nurse to sleep, and snuggle up close. Our legs are smooshed together and he uses my arm as a pillow. The second photo is how he naps at daycare. He jumps into his cot, has a blanket placed on him, does a little wiggle, and snuggles with his elephant lovey (hidden under the blanket). All on his own. Happily. We didn't need to transition him to his own bed at home, or need to wean him for him to fall asleep without me. We... didn't need to be afraid of how he would sleep at daycare because him and his care provider figured out what worked for them - together. And she didn't leave him to cry in order for it to happen. How did we do it? We chose a caregiver who aligned with our values. She was responsive and patient and flexible with him while they worked out what he needed. It was gradual and started with him napping on her/next to her. Then into the same room as her. Then gradually into the nap room. And finally into his own cot. And by then, he was excited about his cot You don't need to change anything at home in preparation for daycare. It's ok for things to be different there. They'll work it out. It just takes time

Sleep training or saying "fuck it" and doing nothing aren't you're only choices

"Sometimes it is good to start off by describing what something is not. So, here is what this article is not. This article is not a treatise on the perils of co-sleeping with infants/babies, which is something that absolutely can be done safely. It is not about how young children will never learn independence should they (gasp!!!) sleep by their parents through their early years. This article doesn’t assume children must sleep in their own rooms while adults secure a separ...ate locked bedroom for adult things. I’m not writing about jealous husbands/partners nor am I shaming breastsleeping mamas. Nope.... .....This article openly and unabashedly celebrates the humor, wisdom, and warm heartedness of co-sleeping parents. I write to lift up co-sleeping success stories. I write to share the wisdom of fathers and mothers who co-sleep. Below you will find their stories, in their own words" https://www.phillyvoice.com/co-sleeping-in-celebration-of/

Some days just seem to drag on and on and on... You're tired, your baby won't nap, you've already drank as much coffee as humanly possible and bedtime can't come fast enough. And yet, somehow, the weeks and months seem to go by faster than my dog eating his dinner (which is about three gulps and a snort). If you're sick of sleep stealing the fun out of your days and need help savouring your weeks and months, send me a PM

Sometimes it can be tricky to know if your child is overtired or not - especially if their tired cues are hard to read! In this video, I share an easy way to tell (complete with awkward ending )

Baby having a hard time? Here are some of my favourite calming techniques: - Changing the scenery: Going into another room is good, going outside often works even better.... - Keeping them close: A baby-carrier allows baby to be in constant contact with you while keeping your hands free. Skin-to-skin contact helps regulate their body temperature and heart rate while releasing feel-good hormones (oxytocin) in both you and your baby. - Movement: Hold baby while you dance, sway, or bounce - like the gentle movements they felt in the womb. - Feeding with love: Whether you're breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, it's so much more than food. It offers closeness and comfort, and helps meet baby's emotional needs too (provided it's done in a conscious and respectful manner). - Focus on you: Sometimes nothing works and your baby is inconsolable. When this happens, do what you can to keep yourself calm, helping to soothe and calm baby through a process called co-regulation. I found closing my eyes and repeating "I've got you, mama's here now" over and over again helped me keep my shit together when Felix was inconsolable in my arms. What has worked for you? Got any go-to calming techniques to share?

It's really easy to become obsessed with sleep and how to get more of it. But sitting down and leaning in to a contact nap or lying down with your baby at nap time (even if you don't fall asleep yourself) can also be delicious and restorative Handrawn by @bydawnnicole

Found a surprising nugget of wisdom while watching Smurfs 2 last night!

Been taking it easy, mentally preparing for the holidays - and we're halfway through our celebrations now. Snuggling on the couch feels extra nice these days. My son has a whole new level of awareness this Christmas, and it's also his birthday on Dec 24th, so it's double the excitement over here. Be kind to yourself.... The holidays can be stressful. Sleep can go haywire from all the excitement. Now isn't the time to make changes to routines - breathe, ride those waves, and I'll see you on the other side.

"Sleeping next to your child should instinctively be the most natural way for parents and babies to sleep. It is only in recent history that mothers, in the relatively small Western industrialized world, have had the dubious luxury to ask two basic questions: How will my baby be fed? and Where will my baby sleep?" Click through to read an excerpt from James McKenna's new book "Safe Infant Sleep: Expert Answers to Your Co-sleeping Questions", releasing in January. https://thriveglobal.com//history-of-infant-sleep-in-west/

"Martha G. Welch of Columbia University points to the importance of loving physical touch, especially in the first 1,000 minutes of life, to lay down markers of emotional stability. Under the old brain-only paradigm, Welch argues, we told people to self-regulate their emotions through conscious self-talk. But real emotional help comes through co-regulation. When a mother and a child physically hold each other, their bodily autonomic states harmonize, connecting on a metabolic level. Together they move from separate distress to mutual calm." https://www.nytimes.com//28/opin/brain-body-thinking.html

Every parent should know how to bed share safely, even if they never plan on doing it. Especially if they never plan on doing it.

Worried about your baby napping at daycare? Most parents are at some point. Sending your baby to daycare can be an especially stressful time.... You’re either dreading going back to a job you don’t love, or you’re antsy to get back to work and starving for some adult conversation. For me, it was a mix of all-of-the-above. Either way, you won’t be spending every day with your baby anymore and it’s got you panic-googling ways to help you all through the transition - especially the sleep part. I've got a list of things to help ease some of your worries (and make the transition as smooth as possible) in my latest blog post https://lovetosleep.ca/stressed-out-about-naps-at-daycare/

Imagine a world where families simply enjoyed their baby without any of the clock-watching? Where the pressure to have a good baby that sleeps through the night didn’t exist? Where every parent knew that their baby’s intense need to be close to them was healthy, normal, and appropriate? ... Where they didn’t feel like failures for giving in and bringing their baby into bed with them? Where they were supported through one of the toughest jobs ever - raising a family - and understood what was biologically and psychologically normal for each member? That’s the same vision Little Sparklers has, a new charity that’s near and dear to me, started by the team behind The Beyond Sleep Training Project. If you share this same vision and want to help take it to the next level, please consider making a donation. Even as little as $5 can make a huge difference! I’ve got 5 of these magnets left over from an event I did in September. I’ll mail one to you (for free, anywhere in the world) with a $50+ donation to Little Sparklers. All you need to do is send me a private message with a screenshot of your donation confirmation and your mailing address. Let’s spark some change! Donate here - https://www.littlesparklers.org//little-sparklers-start-up

"Why the #@!*%$ won't you go to sleep???" Taking your baby more than 15 minutes to fall asleep? This often means they don't have enough sleep pressure built up yet.... They seem tired but aren't quite *there* yet. And the longer you keep trying to get them to sleep, the more frustrated you feel because you're looking forward to the break too. But... It's impossible to force someone else to fall asleep - so for the next 20-30 minutes, move on to something else and try again later. Here are some suggestions on how to fill that half-hour with your baby: - Take a walk around the block, get outside for some fresh air - Watch a quiet show on TV - Build a tower with blocks (knocking it over is fun too) - Make (and eat) a snack - Snuggle up for storytime and read a book - Sing your favourite action-songs - Video-call someone special to say hello

You might not get anything done when you're home with baby... Except raising a human, that is

Are you scared that by responding to your baby in a certain way (like by nursing them to sleep, for example), you're creating a problem for the future? Don't let fear of the unknown trip you up - you have no way of knowing what the future holds for you and your child, and the one guarantee is that they are ever-changing. Cross that hypothetical bridge when you (... if you) get there.... Meet your baby's needs right where they're at without being scared - you've got this

The pressure of being a perfect mother and feeling joy at every moment has been around for a very, very long time. "But here’s what new moms need to know: The tension between the ideal and the real has existed for more than 200 years. Some version of the pristine influencer mother has been pushed on American women since the 1800s and it’s always been a lie."

Babywearing is one of my tried-and-true ways of getting something done during a nap. . By wearing your baby during naps, you can: . - get things done around the house... - play with an older sibling - get outside and get some fresh air - do nothing and relax while baby's weight is being supported (this one's my fav ) . ... All while your baby is snuggled up close to his most favourite person in the whole wide world - YOU! . Beautiful by: @ndibambe See more