Marcy Vandenbos Counselling
Box 1921 R0G 0J0 Carman, MB, Canada

The Christmas season is officially here! Although this time of year can be a fun and festive season, it can also bring with it a host of anxiety and stress. I...f you find this time of year stressful, here are a few boundary setting ideas that you may find helpful to get you through this time of year. See more

Happening Next Week! In this workshop, led by best-selling author and developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld, participants will learn about the bully sy...ndrome and its deep instinctive roots in the dynamics of attachment and vulnerability. They will also learn why this behaviour is so immune to conventional means of intervention. The key to the bully's unmaking is to first understand how bullies are made. Once we understand this, our attempts to unmake them can be truly effective and long-lasting. For more information or to register: https://www.missionempowerment.ca/bullies.html

Join Gordon Neufeld, Deborah MacNamara and Tamara Strijack for the Solutions to Sleep 3-part webinar panel series. It starts on November 10th with "Bridging the... Night - providing continuous connection". Register today so you don't miss it! Don't worry if you can't attend live - recordings are provided. $90 for all 3 webinars https://neufeldinstitute.org//solutions-to-sleep-webinar-/ #neufeldinstitute What are some ways to "bridge the night" to the morning? Read the latest editorial from Sara Easterly, "The Two-Way Magic of a Bridging Playlist" for some musical inspiration! https://neufeldinstitute.org/the-two-way-magic-of-a-bridgi/.

The Solutions to Sleep 3-part webinar panel series provides follow-up support for Dr. Neufeld’s free presentation on Getting Bedtime Right, in which he lays out... the science of bedtime. Getting bedtime right is important. By what is evidenced online, millions of parents are attempting to do just that but are frequently getting advice that has not been informed by what is truly in the child’s best interests. As a leading articulator of the attachment-based developmental approach, Dr. Neufeld makes sense of bedtime through the lenses of attachment and emotion, providing a conceptual foundation for addressing these issues in a way that does not interfere with secure relationships, healthy functioning and the unfolding of potential. In the upcoming 3-part series of webinar panels, Gordon is joined by Deborah MacNamara and Tamara Strijack to build upon these foundational insights with practical support, stories, illustrations and examples. Neufeld Institute https://neufeldinstitute.org//solutions-to-sleep-webinar-/

We know some of these aren't (and won't be) popular 'crowd pleaser' parenting messages..... but they still need to get out there. It's vital they do, because w...hen they circulate we can help facilitate a much needed shift in awareness. An awareness that begins to chip away at and challenge some of the entrenched ideas still present in modern day parenting, specifically about brains, how they develop, what they are capable of, what is reasonable to expect, what little ones need from us and what our role as parents might involve. It's a much needed conversation that we will continue to have, whilst also remembering that everyone does the best they can with what they know/knew at the time. The majority of parents grow as they go. They know things now they perhaps didn't before. They've seen things now that have perhaps challenged things they did before. There is no blame or shame for those who didn't know messages like this before. There is no blame or shame for those who maybe knew them but struggled to implement them. No blame or shame at all - only grace and compassion. Every parent walks an imperfect path in their parenting journey, doing the best they can with the physical and emotional resources they had day by day. Posts like this are about a much bigger conversation - it isn't about honing in on particular families and what they did or didn't do. This is about scaling out and looking at the early years in general, seeing how that period is viewed by the majority, and then challenging any areas of practice that need to move along to catch up with what we now know about the brain thanks to developments in neuroscience. The idea that immature brains CAN regulate themselves in real distress, or be taught to do so, needs exposing. Not to expose any parents who thought that and acted accordingly, but to expose the dominant societal view that facilitated them arriving at that point in the first place. This is first and foremost to challenge the beliefs and narratives that society has about babies. We need the dominant societal view to catch up and spread a different message. A message that allows parents to parent as responsively as they can, believing it to be the norm. There is grace for you, whoever you are and whatever route you've taken on your parenting journey. Have grace and compassion towards yourself if you read and see things you wish you'd known before. You're not a bad parent! Nothing is too late too, no matter how old your child is - brains can and do rewire. They can prune (dispose of) less used connections and start making new ones if the inputs start to change. That means it's never too late to start responding to the distress of another in a different way. Even fully grown adults can learn to regulate their emotions better with some help. Change the inputs, change the wiring. NOBODY is doomed. No blame. No shame. #_grobrain #parenting #attachment #parenthood #babies #toddlers #children #emotionalregulation #neuroscience #buildingbrains #1001criticaldays #earlyyears

https://www.smartrecovery.org/videos/

Today, we mourn the loss of children, culture, and identity and we stand alongside the Indigenous people of Canada as they continue to experience the effects of... our country’s history. This history and present are part of what it means to be Canadian and we all must actively listen, learn, and grow in order to do better. See more

Counterwill is one of the trickiest instincts and emotions between adults and kids. The emotions of resistance can be there for healthy reasons or it can be a s...ign of stuckness or a relationship under stress. When kids resist adults can push back harder demanding compliance, making resistance intensify. The goal is to side step battles, get into relationship, strengthen your attachment if it needs work, and to not take their resistance personally. Children are meant to grow and have their own ideas, agendas, wants and wishes so they function as a separate person one day. Relationship is the way through with this innate hardwired instinct in all of us. For more information you can see chapter 9 in Rest, Play, Grow, or read this article: https://macnamara.ca//the-surprising-secret-behind-kids-r/ The Neufeld Institute also has a course on Making Sense of Counterwill as well. You can download this infographic at https://macnamara.ca/downloads/

What does it meant to listen? It can mean many things to a teen. Sometimes they feel the parent is always telling them what to do instead of listening to their... views, wants, and wishes. Why is this a challenge for the teen? Because they want to have their own mind and to sort out their thoughts. Sometimes they need to say them out loud to figure out what these feelings and thoughts are. Sometimes the teen wants a parent to agree with them and it is clear that the parent does not so they are at an impasse. Listening has become confused with agreement and understanding with being on the same page. It can take time for the teen to recognize (along with adults too), that while we can understand and have empathy for each other's experience, we can still retain our own thoughts and views that are separate from this. Sometimes a teen just needs a place to vent their big feelings. The parent may or may not be making space for this, and the teen may or may not be taking responsibility for finding a way through too. Sometimes we just don't know what we feel when we are overwhelmed and need a safe space to figure it out (play is great for this too). So what is listening? It is hearing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and coming alongside their emotions. Do they feel sad, overwhelmed, frustrated? How do we hear them and not the voice of the parent inside of us that says - "that's not okay, you are not doing that right, if you only did this it would be better." The question is how do we look at our teens, in all of their developmental oscillations between childhood and adulthood, and communicate that we believe in them and see the wonderful adult they are becoming. Listening is one of the most powerful ways we hold onto our teen and make ourselves irreplaceable. #restplaygrow #adolescence #teenagelife #attachmentparenting #neufeldinstitute #teenage #drgordonneufeld #holdontoyourkids

We are wired at birth to seek contact and closeness with others. This is our potential but it can't be realized without adults who gather, collect, and engage a... child's attachment instincts. Building strong, deep, caring connections with our kids is at the heart of what brings them rest, which allows them to play and to grow. We weren't meant to work for love and to take it for granted. Making our invitation for connection unconditional is at the core of what a child needs most from their adults. See more

One of the most challenging principles of peacemaking is set forth in Matthew 7:5, where Jesus says, You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, a...nd then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. There are generally two kinds of logs you need to look for when dealing with conflict. First, you need to ask whether you have had a critical, negative, or overly sensitive attitude that has led to unnecessary conflict. One of the best ways to do this is to spend some time meditating on Philippians 4:2-9, which describes the kind of attitude Christians should have even when they are involved in a conflict. The second kind of log you must deal with is actual sinful words and actions. Because you are often blind to your own sins, you may need an honest friend or adviser who will help you to take an objective look at yourself and face up to your contribution to a conflict.

Power to Parent II: Helping Children Grow Up focuses on how to help children realize their potential as human beings. Since growing older is no guarantee of gro...wing up, knowing how to foster maturation is key to raising children. Register by Jan 26/21 and save 10%! For more information, go to https://neufeldinstitute.org//power-to-parent-ii-helping-/

Conflict is not necessarily bad or destructive. Even when conflict is caused by sin and causes a great deal of stress, God can use it for good (see Rom. 8:28-29...). As the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1, conflict actually provides three significant opportunities. By God’s grace, you can use conflict to: -Glorify God (by trusting, obeying, and imitating him) -Serve other people (by helping to bear their burdens or by confronting them in love) -Grow to be like Christ (by confessing sin and turning from attitudes that promote conflict). These concepts are totally overlooked in most conflicts because people naturally focus on escaping from the situation or overcoming their opponent. Therefore, it is wise to periodically step back from a conflict and ask yourself whether you are doing all that you can to take advantage of these special opportunities.