Anger Mastery

Registered Psychotherapist offering individual, couples and family therapy (counselling) in the Greater Toronto Area. See http://www.amct.ca/ for further information. Also check out http://www.parprogram.ca/

There are basically three types of thinking: critical, judgmental, and rational. Critical thinking has many meanings, one of which is when we look for faults in someone else or in their behaviour. If we look for faults, we will definitely find these. Judgmental thinking is our own version of what may have transpired. We do not stick to the facts. We give an emotional interpretation to the facts and this interpretation is usually to put down the other person. "If only you can ...be more like me" seems to be the message. Rational thinking means that you stick to the facts and try to find solutions to problems that may have arisen or be involved in whatever you are thinking about. Anger is usually maintained by critical and judgmental thinking. These two types of thinking can also escalate a person's level of anger. Rational thinking has the opposite effect in that it can reduce high levels of anger, which is usually the root of the problem. Which one of the above is your habitual thinking style? What kind of thinking do you engage in when you are angry?

"Why be angry with those who, in causing us suffering, are kind to us with the Buddhas, because they give us the opportunity to practice patience. Instead, we should feel gratitude and compassion for them." - Dalai Lama This is a very interesting idea namely, that those who cause us suffering are really our teachers in a sense. The reason is we learn from the suffering and furthermore, the suffering teaches us how to develop patience, one of the most desirable qualities in an individual. WIth this type of thinking, no one is really an enemy. Even those who appear as enemies are, in fact, our teachers in our self development. For further information regarding how suffering can be beneficial, take a look at this post:

What suffering teaches... by Polly Young-Eisendrath The elite ranks of medicine, psychiatry, biology, and sometimes even psychology show an almost uniform lack ...of interest in the value of suffering. They focus instead on avoiding or eliminating it. This contemporary strategy tends to increase our worst fears--that pain and suffering are intolerable and a waste of our energy. As a practicing Buddhist and psychoanalyst, I see it differently. Hardships are the major catalysts for change and development in our lives; they wake us to how we create suffering through our own attitudes and intentions, our actions and relationships. Without the capacity to see how we create a lot of our own difficulties, we are morally and spiritually adrift on all levels of existence. But it is obvious that there is no widespread understanding or teaching of the ethic of suffering: that one is the creator of oneself and that whatever one does, one becomes heir to those intentions and actions. Through the ethic of suffering we come to recognize a boundary between our own subjectivity and what lies beyond our control. Our thoughts, feelings, intentions, and actions become ours, and we recognize the power of being conscious, or making meaning. Although we may discover many cures for illnesses and some relief for pain, we cannot transform our own discontent without recognizing how we create it.

When we are angry, we tend to focus on the faults of the other person and magnify these. It pervades our consciousness to the point where we are not looking at other points of view. We think we are right and justified in our anger reaction. The larger point is that we are more focused on the other person than ourselves. In such moments, let us realize that our anger will push away people from us, including the people we may need in our lives. Our reality is more often a prod...uct of our projections. If we have an angry mind, we will project angry thoughts, and that will drive other people away from us. It is not because of some inherent quality of the other person that he/she would move away from us, hence we play a role in this. To my mind, this is a major insight...

A reflection on anger and resolution... Anger and anger resolution, based on Buddhist literature and the writings of Bhante Gunaratana, a renowned Buddhist master... Ill will and anger resolution stand on opposite sides of the anger continuum and can be looked at as motivational forces. Often anger begins as ill will. This post will outline how to avoid ill will from becoming full blown anger. In effect, it will look at anger resolution in all its stages. ...Continue reading