kindfulself

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COGNITIVE DISTORTION: mind reading If you remember from my earlier posts, cognitive distortions are ways that our minds will distort reality to fit the intensity of our feelings. The prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking and reasoning/logical part of our brains goes OFFLINE and we revert to our reptilian fight-flight-freeze/threat-defense part of our brain. When we are experiencing a strong emotion such as fear, we can often think that we can read the minds of other peop...le- and often for the worse. Let’s go over an example of somebody who has social anxiety, which is a strong fear of being judged negatively and rejected by others. High fear and anxiety will be present before a social gathering. The mind reading CD will be telling us that we know that others are thinking negatively about us before we arrive, when we arrive, and after we’ve left. Usually the thinking themes will be that people don’t like me or that they think there is something wrong with me (I’m weird or awkward or embarrassing). Mind reading can be dangerous because we can assume negative things about ourselves and others, and that will inform how we behave. How we behave will influence how others respond to us, and possibly reinforce our negative expectations . Some helpful questions to ask ourselves when we notice we are mind reading, are: Is this perception true? How do I know? Could I ask this person if my perception is correct? What evidence is there that I can read other peoples minds? Is this perception helpful? Even if the thought is true and somebody doesn’t like you, could you survive it if one person in your life didn’t like you? Does everyone have to like you? On your deathbed will your life feel unfulfilled because you weren’t everyone’s favourite? Does it help you to continue to beat yourself up? #kindfulself #mindfulness #cognitivedistortions #unhelpfulthinkingstyles #cognitivebehaviouraltherapy

Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer @christophergermerphd describe self-compassion as involving: LOVING = Self-kindness (all beings are worthy of kindness and care - that includes me) CONNECTED = Common Humanity (all beings experience suffering and difficulty - I’m not alone)... PRESENCE = Mindfulness (being aware of our suffering and not pushing it away or overindulging it) These 3 ingredients are what we all long to receive- both from others AND from ourselves. By relating to ourselves and our experiences with loving, connected, presence we become our own supports and allies. One quick way of connecting to loving-connected-presence for ourselves is asking, what would I say to a friend in this situation? ..... And then extending those words to ourselves. Remember it’s NORMAL to be nicer to others and harder on ourselves. So be gentle with yourself as you practice! #kindfulself #acceptance #mindfulness #selfcompassion #mindfulselfcompassion