Motherless Daughters of Central Alberta

Its that day again, 19 years without Mom. Here's how I feel about the importance of prep. Something I've had to face this year is the passing of a bestie, who in her focus on survival refused to have tough conversations with those closest to her. When we lost her, we were left with no idea what, if our worst case scenario was to be the outcome, she would want for her kids and her things. Every decision was clouded in shock and sadness and yet had to be made right now. You ca...n't just wait for grief to pass to decide what to do for a funeral, with possessions, and for the future. After watching her family go through this, and knowing the harsh reality that families are effected every day by tragic diagnosis's and events, I want to tell YOU that these conversations are so incredibly important. Open up a bottle of wine, sit facing your love, your kids, your parents, and have the talk. What if something happened. What if one of you didnt come home tonight. What life-saving measures in the hospital are you comfortable with? Do you want to be cremated? Where would you want to be buried? What do you want done with your clothing? The last one might sound stupid, but these are decisions your family will have to face with shattered hearts and foggy brains. Its not fair to leave them with questions and worry. Its your life. Make the decisions, write them down, share them and cry, and know that if the ones you love ever had to face this, they would at least have a few less decisions to make, and they would know they were making the right decisions. You have no idea how much weight this could take off their shoulders in their darkest days. A little life experience taught me all that. And a Mom who shared these thoughts with her family, which ended up being of the utmost importance one icy week in December, 1997. It was still the most painful thing we've ever experienced, but a couple choices were made easier because she had had those conversations. Give your family that gift. Death and taxes people. Death and taxes. Also.... BELOW!! How incredibly beautiful are these?

Today is Mom's birthday. She would be 58, she's been gone 19 years. Usually I can take a moment, reflect, send her a cheers, and move on. Today hurts a little more. We said goodbye to one of my dearest soul sisters a few months ago, and I'm thinking about the kids, living their first year without her. That first year of firsts. First week, first month, first birthday... Time truly does lessen the pain, once you are healing in a healthy way. But every now again life makes you ...rewind and remember. *warning: wallowing ahead* I miiiiiiiiiiiss my Mom again. Life would be so much easier if she was here. Things that should only be kinda heavy feel so much heavier. It kills me that those kids, and so many others, have decades of this ahead of them. So many things are taken for granted when you get to experience life with your parents. Having someone to call for advice and support. Everyone should have that mom, because everyone deserves another soul to receive unconditional love and important life lessons from. The second guessing, the added hurt and trauma of loss; I feel like I am a decade behind other people who have their Mom. Mom knows what you need for Christmas, and goes out of her way to get it for you. Mom knows how to help you get through your 8 year olds social troubles because she helped you get through yours. Mom knows when you're too exhausted to move on. Mom knows when you need a date night and swoops in to save the day. There is no one in our life who knows. And now my best friends kids have no one in their life who knows. That brings back the hurt and rage and regret. I have to shake it off. I'm a Mom myself, with 2 businesses and a household to run. There's not a lot of time for wallowing. So for now, Happy Birthday Mama. Not a second goes by that we're not carrying you in our hearts and thoughts. We love you. And to my new angel in Heaven. Be with your babies. Please never leave them. They have a long road ahead. XO to all the Motherless out there. <3

There are some very true statements in this article. The truest for me being this one. Years 5-10 after losing Mom were the ones I did the most growing in. They were the worst years. The first few years on my own after high school, no money, very little support, and no way to relate to others my own age. They were partying and enjoying life and I never could. I was a constant emotional wreck, worrying and stressing about everything. I felt the entire world was on my shoulder...s, so much pressure to be "normal" when I felt so different. Now I can say I grateful for the growth in that time, and I think often about young adults going through the same. I hope someday I can create something that gives them the support and resources I never had. "Your world became so negative, and you have to learn to change it. After losing someone so important to you, you become bitter and resentful towards the world for taking them from you, for robbing you of so much time. You become so pessimistic about life’s outcomes. You have to learn to let go of the bitterness. You have to reteach yourself to think positively, to not always worry and think the worst case scenarios. You have to learn that this experience does not mean you will never be happy again, and that life will never be good again. You realize that your parent would never want you to go through life with this chip on your shoulder, that they would want you to be happy again. So you have to learn to change your outlook on life, again." https://www.theodysseyonline.com/what-you-learn-after-losin

Yes. Yes yes yes. Please do this. In 1997 when our Mom passed away there were no digital cameras. She was ALWAYS the one behind the camera. We have so few pictures of her. Gift your children with MORE pictures of you and them together. It truly is so important.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Motherless Daughters recently. 2 weeks ago we lost a special soul; a young mommy, beautiful daughter, one of my lifelong besties. It's still really hard to say that... My brain understands but my heart hasn't grasped it yet. I've experience sudden loss of someone close 3 times in my life; my Mom and 2 young cousins. But I've never experienced the hell in slow motion cancer presents. For 3 years we watched her fight, never with any othe...r thought in her head than "when I beat this". There was never any other option. She was steadfast. Even as she weakened, she never gave up. It's hard to know if at any time she understood what was happening, because only 5 days before she passed she told her two best friends she was not finished. She still had work to do. It was to our horror and shock that only a few short days later, her fight was over. Now I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I've been very present for every step of this. But I'm struggling to find peace in conversations we had, conversations we should have had, plans we should have made. Regardless how aware I was, it's still such a shock to feel that heaviness again. The regret. The desperation to go back in time just once more. The panic. The forever. I'm supposed to stand with her other best friend and give her tribute. I pray we will find the strength. Now I am someone who has been personally affected by cancer loss. It's incredible that in 34 years I have not lost anyone close to me, to this horrible disease. Now I have. And my resolve for getting grief counselling and support to young people through Motherless Daughters has been renewed, because she has left 2 beautiful, wonderful, incredible kids to miss her forever. 2017. After I have done a little more healing. I will pull this together again. XO

This is a great article worth the share. http://www.huffingtonpost.com//no-one-tells-you-this-about