New Leaf
1870 Main Street B0K 2A0 Westville, NS, Canada

New Leaf celebrates men helping men for 35 years early this spring. We have been deeply moved so many times as we witness men learning how to talk to each other about the things that really matter. These things include, but are not limited to; relationships, parenting, step-parenting, self-care, finding their voice, using their voice respectfully, coming clean in terms of owning your choices, fighting addictions, individual spirituality, challenging each other when someone ...is being selective with the truth, or on the tone of voice being used. We have watched our guys, laugh together and cry together. They hug the guys who are struggling, offer to meet them for coffee, and even cook Christmas dinner for those who have nowhere to go. We watch our veterans be so honest in sharing their own truth to our new guys, showing them how to free themselves from shame, and guilt, and patterns of behaviour that only hold us back. They show them how to ‘walk the walk’ and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This hope is often what gets some guys through the toughest parts of their situation, and we witness the bonds that are built. We seize every opportunity we can to laugh, because that is what makes those difficult moments possible. Our guys get to define themselves differently, in a way that they feel good about. Family also gets to be more than just who we are born with. Family is also who we choose to spend time with in a meaningful way, with people who build us up and will tell us when we do the wrong thing. One of the small ways we will celebrate men helping men this year is to launch another cookbook, so we are still actively looking for recipes from men, for men, Dads to dads, father’s to sons, brothers to brothers. Maybe it is even their mom’s recipe that was always a comfort or favorite food. Maybe it is a barbeque sauce you perfected, or something you like to make with or for your kids. We would love to add them to our cookbook this year. Send them to [email protected] or mail them to New Leaf, 1870-2, PO Box 201, Main Street, Westville, NS, B0K 1C0, or drop them off at our office on Mondays or Wednesdays. We hope to launch our cookbook on Father’s Day 2021 so the deadline for receiving recipes is May 15, 2021 Look after yourselves and stay well til we see your smilin’ faces again

It is not our job to keep guys from getting angry. This is a good thing since the truth can sometimes be uncomfortable to hear, yet it is our job to tell them. And that is what we did this night. Anger is a healthy emotion meant to let us know that something is wrong and motivate us to change what is broken. So many of our guys use anger as a weapon instead, and there is always that threat hanging over saying, don't make me mad. Fortunately, we don't threaten easily and c...are enough about our guys to tell them the truth, because that is what will help them to move forward in a better way. And it does take a lot more care to tell the hard truth. Some guys anger runs in a cycle. Every few months they look for something to fight about. That is a pattern that we named this night for one of our guys. Patterns of behaviour is what we are always paying attention to and looking for. People who especially feel they have no voice or don't know how to use it appropriately, often hold it in til they need to find an excuse to release it on someone or something. It became a natural thing to finally go around the room and ask each guy how they look after themselves each day. what do they do to get away from their stress for even a few moments each day. Lots of good things like going for a walk, playing music, singing , slowing down and breathing, and working out. When we are not ourselves, we often forget these simple things that can get us through a difficult moment. Thank you Harvey and Paula for all that you bring. Great job leading group this night Paula! Thanks to our veterans and to all our guys who find a way to walk through our doors, and take the risk of trying to be better than they were yesterday It is a big deal. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :) We are closed Monday for the holiday so see you all next Wednesday :)

i never know what to do with myself when i am not in group on Monday or Wednesday evenings. Closing in on 22 years since i spent most of those evenings this way. New Leaf has worked with a lot of men over almost 35 years, and it still feels like a privilege to be sitting in the meeting room talking and listening to them. We have heard many life stories in that room, seen many tears, and seized every opportunity to laugh together and sometimes even at ourselves. We connect ...on a human level so that no matter the details, the denials, the minimizing, and the blaming, trust gets built, and their stories get told. Usually not long after that, you notice a shift in them. The more they talk about what is real and the things that really matter, the more settled he becomes, to the point that he doesn't even look the same anymore. His story now have the chance to grow and evolve past just the truth, but now to possibilities. His talk changes into something more positive. He is getting his life back, learning empathy and a deeper understanding of himself. He doesn't need to win an argument anymore, in fact, he now knows how to talk things out so it doesn't have to go that far. He feels good about himself and the work he has done, and that's when he starts helping the other guys in the way he was helped. He then becomes a veteran, and we always need veterans. It is an awesome place to work :) Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again.

Joe Michael was powerful this evening. He did Teachings about Smudge, personal responsibility, owning your choices and being more intentional as well as gentle about with them, kindness, and controlling your anger instead of letting your anger control you. Then he Smudged everyone. From beginning to end it was full of laughter which he called the most powerful medicine. We spent some time with our guys after Joe left, processing it and nobody seeming to want to leave, with th...e smell of the medicine still lingering in the air. Everyone seemed to leave feeling lighter and somehow more connected with each other and their world. Thank you Joe for also doing Ceremony at my daughters house this afternoon for her and Hunter. They are both doing better :) Thank you Joe, Harvey, Keegan, Paula and Heather for all being there with our guys this night and to all the guys who came with an open mind and laughed with Joe while listening respectfully and with care. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)

Tonight's group is cancelled. Just got back from town, and it is still pretty unpleasant and so many people still digging out from under the snow. i think it is is best to just cancel group this night. i really hate to because next Monday is a holiday, but we all need to be safe. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)

Not much of a day out there. We are hoping this storm will blow itself out this afternoon, but still unsure about group as of yet. If the wind stays high we will probably cancel. We will make that decision later this afternoon. Look after yourselves and stay safe :)

"This place saved me." was how group started out this night. We listened to several accounts from different men about how they used what they heard and learned during their time with us to make the holidays much better than it would have normally been. We got to hear about all the harm that never happened, and how good it was to let things go and just be content with what was. We loved when our veteran in the group talked to, challenged, and supported many of our guys this ...night, because there were also disappointments and frustrations and some unfortunate choices made. The guys did own them though and that matters. Balance and looking at the bigger picture are always important topics that get discussed on a regular basis. We keep bringing it back to that, which is always connected to owning your choices and framing things differently for yourself so that you can begin to look at, and feel differently about, and then respond to it differently. There was a lot of that happening over the holidays for these guys and it made us all smile. Thank you Harvey, Keegan, and Paula, and Happy Birthday Heather :) Always thanks to our guys, who learn to listen and really hear what is being said all around them and to them, and really talking about the things that matter. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)

'Even when you do the right thing, things don't always go the way you want them to' was the theme in one group of guys this night. That is a true story, bad things can happen to good people and good things can happen to bad people, and sometimes life just has a hell of a way of happening to people. AND, when you start asking questions, the bigger picture comes more into focus and things start to make more sense. When you start moving forward in a good way and then have a... 'hiccup' you lose some trust. When that happens, you are not starting back at square one again, you are starting back at minus 10, depending on the size, duration, and impact of the 'hiccup'. You have to work hard to earn that trust back, and people aren't always to just believe you at first. Your work is to prove it over and over again. Those are the unexpected ripple effects of our choices. That very thing was also discussed in our other group, though it wasn't necessarily the theme. Owning up and moving forward. The only way out is through and through can be painful at times. We need to communicate regularly and respectfully with our partner and listen to her when she is needing to communicate with us. We need to face our demons and the deep anger that demons thrive on, in a healthy way so that we can leave them behind and make room for joy. We need to do the work to reconnect with our kids or to develop healthy boundaries for ourselves with our step-kids. Lots of support for each other and caring enough to call out misguided thinking. It was a good night :) Thank you to Harvey, Keegan, Paula, and to our guys who show up every week looking to be better than they were yesterday. i am so glad we are all in this big mess together. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)

Native Elder Joe Michael from Indian Brook has offered to attend group next Monday to offer Teachings and Smudge. Welalin - Thank you Joe :)

i have been lucky enough after group these past few weeks to spend a little bit of one on one tome with my son. i treasure that. Speaking of treasuring people, we had us a time at New Leaf this night. Harvey and one of our other guys played some tunes and we had lots of good food provided by the staff and one of our guys. It was indeed a celebration. It has been a difficult year, yet here we were together with good food, music, and good people. Christmas is tough for lot...s of our guys and staff for different reasons. It mattered to us to make time to sing and laugh together this night because it matters to do that together. This is our last Monday group before the New Year and we all left laughing, and lighter while feeling very full lol. i wish we could show all the pictures we took so you could see the fun we had. It was one of those nights we will all treasure for awhile :) Thank you Harvey so much for your playing and singing as well as your chicken wings. Thanks to Keegan and Paula for the amazing food you brought as well as the laughter, and to our guys whose cooking and baking are always welcome here :) Look after yourselves, stay well, and enjoy your family over the holidays til we see your smilin' faces again :)

Today was wild! There is almost a frantic energy in the air and a number of our guys are feeling it. 11 guys made their way back to group this night and were broken into two groups. Some difficult things were shared in both groups tonight as well as support and as much laughter as we could fit in to balance it all. The holidays were difficult for many this year, though we all got to listen to the different strategies that each guy found to get through them in different w...ays. Some focussed on their kids, some challenged their own thinking and re-framed them for themselves, and some just hung on, waiting for a better moment. Some made a few bad choices but caught themselves and pulled themselves back, and just came clean with their New Leaf brothers about their struggles, and others just benefitted from the work they have been doing on themselves. There is one guy who we are very worried about, and so Harvey and i met with him privately for awhile, trying to reach him. We hope he really knows how much he matters and keeps trying to let us in. We were a motly crew this night, but we were ill in together. Everyone had something to say, in support, in tears, and/or to just be together and share those things that really matter in the end. It was a most awesome night. Thank you Harvey, Paula, and Heather for all that you are and all that you bring to group each week. Thanks to each guy who made their way back tonight. You are all heroes in your own way. Get better soon Keegan. You were missed this night. Look after yourselves and stay well til we see your smilin' faces again. Looking forward to what our cast of characters bring on Wednesday lol.

These were some of the answers about the impact to our guys in group since 2016: Q - What was the most important thing you learned so far? A’s - Learned to forgive myself for the past. I believe that I am now a stronger, healthier self and my perceptions have changed. It’s all important because I am here to better myself and get my family back. To watch my words and body language and how i react to things. How reacting to things affects others. I’m still kinda new so learni...ng more about my changes i need to make. Communication. That’s the key. Taking in other people’s opinions when proven to make sense. Communication so things aren’t as heated. To think before i act, breathe. Holding things in doesn’t heal anything. Think before acting, prevents past mistakes from happening again. Seeing that I needed to change my way of thinking.mLearning to look past the incident led me to ask questions why things got to where they were. Listening to others before answering questions so others understand what you’re trying to say (being confused confuses others). Being held accountable. How to forgive myself and others for past traumas and how to be happy again. That I can change. To recognize red flags and slow down, assess situations and impacts things have on kids. Q - What was the impact - how did it help your life/situation? A’s - It helped me move forward. Helped me make room for change. I feel that one of the most important skills I learned here was how to truly listen to my partner. I realize that once you do that, you can read between the lines better and you can see and hear what emotion things are being said in, and then respond to that rather than react to it. New Leaf has given me my life back. It's shown me my path I want to take to help others heal. I'm happier than I have been in a very long time. I have a very healthy relationship with my kids and girlfriend.

Clearly i am still struggling to keep to my usual work schedule, and that's ok. We all do the best we can with what we have to work with at the time. 10 guys, four staff, and one volunteer gathered together this night to discuss that very thing. This have been a very difficult year for many different reasons. Some of our guys have moved through much of their stuff and are looking forward to the holidays and all that they will bring. That is awesome! Others are not doing ...as well because the holidays are not always joyful for everyone. We talked about what supports we need in our lives to get through difficult times, and what responsibilities we each carry to ourselves and to those we love. Listening - really listening was one of our main topics this evening, because even if we are doing well, someone close to us may not be, so one important way to support them is to listen. Listen without judging, listen to hear what they need to say instead of trying to fix them, asking questions rather than making assumptions that you know what they mean. Just fully, presently listening, because everything isn't about us. Thank you Harvey, Keegan, Paula, and Heather for all you bring. Thank you to the guys who show up each week trying to figure it all out, and for those who still are struggling, hang in there. The answers you seek are out there. Slow down and breathe and we will all get through this big mess together. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)

We will be open for group this evening for all of our guys who are not sick or have not travelled outside of Nova Scotia within the past two weeks. Looking forward to seeing your smilin' faces :)

Late post tonight. i had an errand to do for my boy :) Family is what it is really all about. Sometimes it is doing small errands, cooking for them with love, earning a living - and sometimes it is letting go. That was a big topic this night. Letting go: of regrets, of woulda, coulda, shoulda. Letting go of pain, hurt, and confusion. Letting go of getting sucked back in only to have it all go terribly bad again. Letting go of blaming and learning to forgive and let ...go. Just let go. The guys who walked the walk all jumped in to help the guys who are still struggling. i even shared some of my own struggle with this because we are all in this big mess together and i am being helped by this discussion as the guys. i understand how inviting it is to go to the dark side and make it all about me, and get lost in that. The same guys jumping in to help tonight have done the same with me, picking me up and carrying me a little way, til i am strong enough again. And there was one guy who was really listening this night, and we are so proud of him :) Tonight was family at its finest. Thank you Harvey and Paula, and to our veterans who keep putting themselves out there to help me and our other guys. And a big huge thank you to those guys who were really listening tonight. It is complicated journey for sure with a lot of dark areas to navigate, but you don't have to do it alone, and that changes everything. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :) Hope you feel well soon Keegan. You were missed this night :)

Interesting how my latest posts are because i am having the most fun :) Good food and friends always find their way to each other. Welalin Harvey for finding us this night :) Happy New Year everyone. January 1, 2021 brings promise of something new. No matter what the world threw at you, lets walk through it together :)... See your smilin' face next week. Look after yourselves and stay safe:)

Moving from fear and shame by following through with New Leaf: Q - How do you feel now? A’s - I am more relaxed with the group. I feel a lot more comfortable coming here now and feel like i’m a lot more open and honest when i attend. I feel that I am part of the team or family and is helping me recognize my faults. I feel better now going now. It’s nice to be able to talk about my situation and get positive feedback. Getting conten t. Some days - good, good and strong, con...Continue reading

Own your shit and talking changes everything. Two groups, nine guys and five staff. Heather and i took a smaller group of guys as i slowly ease my way back. Some of our guys were struggling along with me so this gave us the chance to come together and really talk about those things that matter. It usually starts off as chitchat and always ends up with us getting to those things that we are really struggling with. We were there for each other this night and i got to see f...irst hand how lucky we are to have Heather with us, because the smaller groups is when we bring the most of ourselves. Owning your shit was a main topic in the other room or was one they continued to go back to. So many people are struggling this year for different reasons. It is so inviting to blame someone else and stay the victim, feeling powerless and blameless in that role. It will always hold us back in the end. We keep challenging our guys to reclaim their personal power by owning their choices, saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It was the general feeling by all staff that every guys left here this night feeling a little better or a little lighter, because we are all in this big mess together and together we are figuring it out and finding our way through. Look after yourselves and stay safe til we see your smilin' faces again :)