No Aid: The Mishandling of a Youth in Care

For former foster kid and kids currently in care who want to go to university. Here is your perfect opportunity! McMaster is doing a great job here!

Ok so I know it's been a bit and for those who have been paying attention, I appreciate your patience. I now own a laptop and can write my book as I please and can more easily examine my case file. There have been a couple things I'm worried about though. The need for perfection is the biggest thing here. I'm constantly overthinking how I want to get this book out there. What if I write something in a way where nobody can comprehend where I'm coming from? I find difficulty in... explain my day to day thoughts with friends and family, so perhaps that translates to my writing? Regardless of my thoughts, regardless of my doubt I'm going to get the rough draft done within 2 years at least. I realize my goal of one year might not have been that reasonable. Its a tough and arduous process to go through all the details of your life and have to take detailed notes on what to write. But I want this book to be out there. For me. To inspire other Crown Wards to come out and tell their story. Wish me luck. I appreciate you all who stick around and cheer me on. You all are real ones .

Edit:Just for clarification this is not a lawsuit against OACAS or any of its regional agencies. This law firm can not help you pursue independent legal action against Children's Aid or any of your abusers. I am currently involved in a class action lawsuit against the Ministry of Children and youth services. If you or someone you know was/is a Crown ward and has experienced abuse while they were in the care of Children's Aid or any social service organization, please visit https://kmlaw.ca/cases/crown-ward-class-action/ for more details.

Been writing on this crappy word app on my phone. I thought it would be fine, and don't get me wrong it's not that bad. If I was writing literally anything this would be serviceable. But it makes checking my spelling and grammar difficult, and I'm too much of a perfectionist especially with this project. Might take a break until I get something. Been thinking of getting a surface tablet. But let's be honest I'm probably gonna get some crappy hand me down laptop for like 20 bucks

I'm scared of myself I've always had a strong sense of justice, holding my stance when I feel others are being unjust and not being afraid to be forward. It comes with its benefits, its disadvantages as well. I've always had an idea of where my sense of justice comes from, but lately I've had it pretty much confirmed. It comes from a dangerous selfish place. The lack of justice in my own life clearly is what fuels my own sense of justice, that lack of justice so often turned ...into a scary primal rage in the past, and I'm scared of that monster I was. I remember a few of my freakouts, but going through my case file has completely reminded me of the unhealthy way I use to deal with my anger and confusion, and reading it seems to be slowly making that resurface. As I'm reminded of the injustices in my life I can't help but contemplate horrible thoughts. Honestly it's become a bigger burden than I've expected. For those who know me personally maybe you've been wondering why I've been keeping to myself even more than I usually do, well that's the reason. It's not depression, it's not anxiety, it's anger. It's why I need to keep writing and not stop. Writing helps, whether it's in my book or posts like these. Knowing that maybe when my book sees the light of day, I could finally have justice and closure. Maybe to It's time I be honest. This book doesn't seem exist to help other youth in care. It's for me, and me alone. My justice and my closure.

If you're reading this, I'm probably asleep. I'm testing automatic scheduling on my posts. If this works the way I want it too. Should be able to post a lot more consistently during the day when I'm knocked right out cuz of my work sleep schedule.

Gonna get some equipment to create a podcast. Called the No Aid podcast. Gonne use this podcast to tell stories that I don't think quite fit in the book or would be appealing to read but ones that feel significant to me nonetheless. Planning on having guests like various experts in the child psychology field on it and people who were important figures in my life to give their outlook on my story. Keep an eye out for it. Good things are coming

Changed the profile pic to this because this is in my bedroom in the first group home I lived in. Sort of the start of the worst moments in my life. Want to keep this post happy though so here are some fun memories I had involving this ic 1. If you look closely under the window on the left wall you'll see a hole in the wall. Theres a vent I would use to talk to other residents in the group home. It was like our own little radio system. 2. On my bedroom door, and on every bed...room door in the room, there were alarms meant to go off every time a resident opened the doors. I would mess with the overnight staff by continually opening my door and setting off the alarm until they were annoyed and turned it off, when it was turned off I would sneak out and go the big play park they in front of all the group homes there (there was 3 for different age groups) and play there until they found me, I'd freak out and they'd have to restrain me. A little troll from the beginning That's about the only good things I remember. I remember I would spend a lot of time reading books way beyond my age group and listening to lots of music. Boomer personality ever since I was a kid.