PACE Counselling

Sometimes all you feel like you have in your tool bag is a punishment. Taking something away, timeouts, losing out on activities. It’s all right there. It’s seems like the easiest choice to manage a behaviour you don’t like. It’s might be easy and it doesn’t work. Instead... Once we change our perspective about a situation and about our child we will open possibilities to manage the situation differently. If we label our child as bad then we automatically connect this to p...unishment. If we can change our view to seeing our child as experiencing something they can’t manage on their own we will be more compassionate and want to help. This is how we can do that: - Look for the natural consequence - Connect with your child (emotionally) - Co-regulate. Help them calm by modelling calm - See past the behaviour. Be curious why you’re seeing what you’re seeing. - Only once they’re calmer; seek to problem solve. #mentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #newparent #newmom #parenting #counselling #newmother #support

Our thoughts are just that. Thoughts. Here’s what we know about thoughts. 1. We don’t have to connect an emotion to our thoughts. For example, guilt about not wanting to have your mom hat on everyday. 2. They are NOT facts. Thoughts are opinions, at best, and we know opinions are often missing critical pieces of evidence for them to hold true. ... 3. We don’t have to behave or do anything because of our thoughts. 4. We don’t need to have additional or follow up thoughts to the original one. For example I’m a terrible mom. If you’re a mom you might have shared a similar thought to this. And it’s normal. And it makes complete sense! Parenting is a 24/7 job and this has held extra true this past year. Not wanting to and finding it extra difficult to engage sometimes IS OK. We don’t always love parenting. We don’t always love anything. You’re allowed. Parenting is hard. You’re a parent and a person. #mentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #newparent #newmom #parenting #counselling #newmother #support

It’s so easy to focus on what wasn’t done. Instead, imagine if you pointed out what was done! Validating our children is probably our most effective parenting skill. It can be so easy to miss this opportunity when we are so focused on the day to day hustle, schedules, tasks and expectations. So why is this so important? ... - It is the foundation of your relationship - It builds your child’s sense of worth - It is motivating - It highlights success - It can change the tone if you need to redirect or include feedback #mentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #newparent #newmom #parenting #counselling #newmother #support #parenting #children #parent #child #validate #selfworth #respect

Happy Mother’s Day #mentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #newparent #newmom #parenting #counselling #newmother #support #mother #mothersday #happymothersday

It’s been an exhausting year! Parents are struggling with remote learning and so are kids. They are not meant to be still, isolated and in front of a screen all day. Kids as young as grade 1 are asked to complete independent work and parents are juggling the rise of tantrums, conflict, low mood, interrupted sleep and much more. What can we do to help? With 6 weeks to go (I’m sure you’re counting down too), there are a few small things you can do in your remote learning day... to support your kids’ natural need for movement. Any and all movement, even what seems so tiny it can’t be helpful, adds up throughout the day. Everything counts. We know movement helps with feeling our best, focus, stabilizing mood, attention span, energy and motivation. All are helpful when we’re expected to be learning. Our children go outside for recess at school for many valuable reasons. Imitate this at home too to the best of your abilities. I listed brain breaks. This can be such a valuable tool for you. Give yourself and your child permission to stop and walk away for a short break ANYTIME during the day. This can help reduce negative feelings and give a quick reset before engaging again. Sometimes waiting for scheduled breaks is way too high of an expectation. #mentalhealth #perinatalmentalhealth #postpartum #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety #newparent #newmom #parenting #counselling #newmother #support #parent #online #remotelearning #virtualschool #onlineschool #movement #tips #learning

This is an awesome graphic by Blessing Manifesting about the Biopsychosocial model of mental health. The big idea of the model is that our mental health is a re...sult of a complex interplay between who we are, when/where we are, and what has happened to us. Mental health is so often oversimplified into something you have or don't have - and if you have it, there must be something wrong with you. This kind of oversimplification feeds stigma and stereotypes and shame around human distress so that people don't ask for help when they need it because they don't want to be thought of as 'mad' or 'mental' or 'crazy'. The truth is, we all experience both wellbeing and distress at different times in our life. Unless we start thinking more holistically about mental health we will continue to pathologize human distress and social injustice.

Tip #10 Find the Joy Enjoy time off, kids home, some relaxing, connecting with people you might not have spoken to in a while., and the magic of the holidays. At whatever amount you can; throw yourself in. Happy Holidays

Tip #6 Traditions Let go of the notion that the holidays have to be perfect. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. Families change and grow and through these changes we can adopt new traditions and rituals . Let’s stop doing traditions that don’t work for us anymore just because we always have done it that way. You can’t have a meaningful holiday until you decide what it is about the holiday that makes it meaningful to you. There will also be a piec...e this year, where some of the traditions you hold dearly are not going to be able to happen. It’s about being creative this year to have the holidays you want within the limitations of the pandemic. So, your kids are missing seeing Santa, is there a virtual visiting option? The holiday concert at your kid’s school cancelled? Can they put on a show at home you can video and send to your family? It’s not about the thinking of losing traditions, it taking the perspective of how can I make this work. See more

Tip #7 Get Help Schools out!! Get help wherever possible. Is Grandma anxious to see the kids again? No problem -- drop them off and use the time to get some of your holiday errands done. Have friends offered to watch the kids or to host a playdate at their home? Take them up on their offer. In the pandemic this is going to be more limited than usual, so do what you can. If people offer you help, any help, accept it.

That’s how we’re going to get there... one tiny step at a time.

Tip #5 Routines Staying up late, getting extra screen time, and eating more junk food seems to align just right with the holidays but this can be really hard on kids. Kids (and adults) thrive with rhythms and routines and during the holidays there is a huge interruption to regular routine without the structure of school or daycare. While we want to enjoy this extra time home we also want to maintain some consistency.

Posted @withregram @thrivinglittles What to do to get present through the mental load of uncertainty, novelty, unpredictability? Sometimes, it's movement, phy...sicality, doing. Taking action that guides our thoughts. Our thoughts are very often not helpful - they can tend to try to keep us safe above all and tell us fear-ridden stories that can keep us stuck versus propelled to action. Sometimes giving space for the body is just what we need - no matter how little we feel like starting. Studies show physical movement not just helps with all above but releases BDNF (brain derived neurotrophic factor), which stimulates brain growth in the memory, learning, language and logic centers. Could be helpful for all about now, and always. Let the body lead the way. Get on the floor. Grab some pillows, couch cushions, jump and push and roll and play. See what happens. As always - read cues' and adapt, adapt, adapt. It's just the time to practice moving from overstimulation and back to regulated again and again. There are many barriers that can get in the way of this type of play and activate our own nervous systems. check out the #livelifeplayfully tag for some "barriers to play" posts. How are you or kids playing this week? #selfregulation #coregulation #innerchildhealing #innerchild #occupationaltherapy #consciousness #consciouscaregiving #consciousparenting #respectfulparenting #relationships #emotions #emotionalregulation #charlottemason #reggioemilia #playisenough #sensoryintegration #sensoryactivities #movement #pikler

Reaching out saves lives

Finding comfort in another is not only a deeply human trait, these little penguins show us how even in the darkest and loneliest times, being there for another ...is like medicine for the soul for them, too. Our little ones only need us this intensely at night for such a short while in the grand scheme of things but the comfort we provide them is of infinite value. Original text from Tobias Visuals- ‘> Explanation < During times like this the truly lucky ones are those that can be with the person/people they love most. I captured this moment about a year ago. These two Fairy penguins poised upon a rock overlooking the Melbourne skyline were standing there for hours, flipper in flipper, watching the sparkling lights of the skyline and ocean. A volunteer approached me and told me that the white one was an elderly lady who had lost her partner and apparently so did the younger male to the left. Since then they meet regularly comforting each other and standing together for hours watching the dancing lights of the nearby city. I spend 3 full nights with this penguin colony until I was able to get this picture. Between not being able or allowed to use any lights and the tiny penguins continuously moving, rubbing their flippers on each other’s backs and cleaning one another, it was really hard to get a shot but i got lucky during one beautiful moment. I hope you enjoy this moment as much as I did. #lovewillalwayswin @Tobias Visuals Shot on Nikon Z6, Nikkor 50mm 1.4, ISO 8000, 50mm, f/1.4, 1/60 sec @ Melbourne, Victoria, Australia’

People do the best they can, with the tools they have available to them in the moment. We are often very quick to judge other people. In this judgement we lack tolerance, empathy, and understanding which immediately closes our minds to the fact that everyone has a story. Everyone has a life that they are working on managing and things behind the scenes we do not get the ability to witness. It’s so hard in the moment to keep this in mind and not immediately judge people. I r...ecently was told a story that this person was in the grocery store and someone bumped into their cart and didn’t say anything (assuming an apology was expected). And the storyteller immediately labeled the person as being rude and they were really upset about the interaction. Instead, thinking that walking away without saying anything was the only tool this person might have had in the moment. That maybe they are unable to speak. Come from a culture that women don’t speak. She could have been so embarrassed she tried to avoid confrontation. Could she have anxiety. Was her mind just somewhere else? This list could go on. I’m not saying we should not be courteous and kind. But I am saying there might be more going on then we know when we cast judgements on other people. Next time, before falling into this can you think maybe what you saw Was their absolute best in that moment. Be empathetic that at times, we too, are not our best selves or have access to all our tools. This perspective can also help you feel less negative feelings in various situations which can reduce overall stress and enhance our mood. #kindness #bekind #compassion #empathy #understanding #mentalhealth

I often hear... My child never learns their lesson the first time. Or... My child knows they’re not supposed to do that. If a child learned their lesson the first time they would never learn to walk, for when they fell, they would realize it hurt and never try again. No, children’s instincts have the ability to override logic and fear, in order to achieve their goals. We must remember this when we consider our expectations of the children and teens around us. We often expect them to rationalize, strategize, plan and demonstrate caution, in the way a fully developed brain does. However, this override mechanism is actually one of the last things to develop in the human mind, often not fully functional until someone’s mid 20’s. It is also not a linear progression, increasing steadily over time. Rather it ebbs and flows, influenced by other factors of development. This can be one if the harder things for parents to understand and even if they do, it’s difficult to cope with. Some children are slower and more calculated. Just because a child is this way, does not mean their brain has developed fully. They still have the potential to make choices that are not safe. J. Milburn Milburn #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #parenthood #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #parenting #childhood #fearlesschild #braindevelopment #childhood #teensarestillchildren #impulsecontrol

Forgiveness Day 246.

Tip #9 Perfectionism Let go of the notion that the holidays have to be perfect. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like last year. Families change and grow and through these changes we can adopt new traditions and rituals . Hold on to those that are meaningful and can be practiced safely but you can also be open to creating new traditions as well. If your adult children or other relatives can’t come to your home, you may find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos. You can also meet virtually on a video call. Even though holiday plans may look different this year, we can still find meaningful ways to celebrate.

Trauma is not what happened to you. That's why the terms 'BIG T' and 'little t' trauma are misleading - they suggest that some traumatic events are less serious... or significant or BIG than others. Trauma is the impact of what happened to you on your brain and your body. It hurts just the same regardless of what caused the hurt. This makes perfect sense if you replace the word trauma with broken neck - imagine suggesting that a broken neck from falling off a cliff is more painful or serious than a broken neck from falling off a chair!

Repost@decolonizemyself

when someone comes to you with their pain, they are not asking you to decide if their pain is valid.

Have you checked in with yourself recently? Is there something that could benefit from talking to someone about that you’ve been pushing off? Have you been able to prioritize yourself and your wellness in spite of family, partners, kids, friends, work.. the list is endless? If you’re ready to talk about it we’re ready to listen. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters

Tip #4 Permission Being a parent is hard, joyous, confusing, beautiful, tiring, amazing, frustrating and adding more responsibility to that is not necessary. You have permission, should you want to accept it, not to go to holiday parties if you do not choose to, to not pass the baby around. Permission to have a messy house, less-than-perfect (or no) gifts for others, and to skip entertaining, big or small. Permission not to listen to me. You have permission, if you need it, to just be a new family. (Repost from Dr. Jen 4 Kids).

When we set boundaries with our kids we’re giving them a gift. To children, our boundaries mean we see you, we love you, we care enough to make the effort, an effort that children always sense and appreciate. - Janet Lansbury Sometimes as parents, we almost walk on eggshells around our kids, to keep the peace or not initiate a tantrum with a younger one or a fight as our kids get older. There are also times, deep down, we might have a sense of guilt or need to be liked and this translates into permissiveness. Our children will push against boundaries, however they thrive within them. Boundaries give our children a sense of security. That there is someone to take care of them so they are free to explore and learn and grow. Boundaries are a necessary part of a healthy attachment relationship.

Becoming a new parent is not only you plus a baby. It’s developing a new identity from before. Parenthood changes you, it changes your relationship with your partner, friends, family members. It’s about a new body. New routines. New responsibilities. Often when we hear this we automatically think of the birth mother. These changes of identity and trying to figure out the new pieces while trying to balance some of the old you is something that non-birth parents also experie...nce. Having a baby is an experience for both parents and for any siblings. When talking about postpartum mental health it’s important that everyone in the family is acknowledged not only the mother. The first thing any new parent can do to support the change is accept that it is a change! Things will be different. That it is normal to miss parts of your previous life, self or relationships. Validate how hard parenthood is for all members of the family. Communication is key, checking in with everyone in the family as the transition into your new identity settles. And remember, postpartum is not only the time immediately following birth. It includes the whole first year. #postpartum #family #newparent #babies

Posted @withregram @thegentlemamma #repost @sexpositive_families Growing up, were your boundaries respected by others at family gatherings during the holidays?... . This time of year can present many challenges for families when it comes to understanding and respecting boundaries and consent. Particularly for children, who are often expected to look, behave, and interact in ways that are deemed acceptable by traditions that can quickly contradict even the most consent-conscious homes. . One easy example is when a child is forced to take photos with strangers dressed as Christmas characters. We’ve all seen the photos before of a horrified looking child sitting on a smiling Santa’s lap. . Some of us have been that horrified child. . What early messages are we sending by forcing a young person onto the lap of a stranger, simply for a photo op? Creating a safer, consent-conscious next generation requires us to re-evaluate norms and traditions such as this. . If a child loves the idea of sitting on Santa’s lap, awesome. Let it be their choice, and a moment they can lead and cherish, but if they’re a ‘no’ then it should not be something they are forced to do. Even if they were a ‘yes’ at first, but got into the situation and suddenly change their mind. They need to be allowed to do so, and respected in their decision. This is how we send consistent messages about consent in their early years. And if they’re not verbal, pay attention to and respect any cues their body may send while in the company of others. Be prepared to step in if it feels compromised at any point in the interaction. . A child’s sense of safety and their understanding of consent is far more important than a photo op. . . To learn more ways to keep the spirit of consent alive during the holidays, check out our latest blog via the l i n k in our b i o. See more