Prince George Breastfeeding Cafe

Most of my calls for help come from parents with a 3 to 5 week old. Here are some things I've gathered over the years. Warning, it's a long one! The first coupl...e of weeks after having a baby are a bit of a whirlwind. You're surprisingly busy with check ups and weigh ins, cards and presents arriving, visitors galore (or at the moment, Skype and zoom calls galore!) figuring out nappy changes, working out how the heck to do up all the poppers on a baby gro at 3am... You're still very much in the immediate recovery from birth phase and trying to take care of yourself. Partners are usually off work. People are offering lots of help, cooking and shopping and the like. It seems that this first two weeks or so society 'allows' us to indulge in having a new baby. Week 3 comes and things start to change. Often, partners go back to work around this time. And the first few days are usually ok because we've been gearing up for it and not expecting too much of ourselves, but it gives our brain the message that 'we should be able to cope on our own by now' which frankly, couldn't be further from the truth. We also try and take on more by ourselves at night so that they can sleep because they're working in the morning, so you're actually getting even more of the pressure. And if they do help at night you often feel (misplaced!) guilt about it. So there we are with this message that 'we should be able to cope now' ticking along in our brains. Alongside this comes the massive crash of ...well I don't like to call it the novelty wearing off, but certainly the high that you run on after having them seems to take a big dump, and the reality of new life sets in. This is life now, indefinitely, how the heck am I actually meant to eat/sleep/use the loo/stay sane/get out the house/RAISE ANOTHER HUMAN and do it really well, pretty much all on my own? And I'm meant to be feeling happy! Everyone else is happy aren't they? The midwives have discharged you by now, so even though there is still support out there, that feeling of easily accessible friendly faces has suddenly disappeared. Your baby starts to change. They start to wake up to the world a little more. And whilst it's nice to see them spending more time alert, it does bring it's own issues. Am I meant to be playing with them? What am I supposed to do? Are his eyes meant to look in opposite directions?? Does he have wind? Am I not winding him properly? This alertness brings with it some interesting changes. Firstly, they do not like being put down. Not one bit. You can understand it from their perspective, they've spent all this time snuggled up inside you with constant warmth and movement, being put down is the opposite to that. Plus their survival instinct says 'don't put me down I'll get eaten by a bear'. But what this means is, you have a feed, they pop off the boob, you put them down all milk drunk and within minutes they wake up again, and, because they're a new baby, they look for the boob for help. It's normal! But it feels like something is wrong. You wonder if maybe they're not getting enough milk?? Look up the 4th trimester. Trust me. Another issue these new alert spells bring with them is tiredness. When they're awake they're absolutely bombarded with sights, smells, noises, sensations, and inevitably an adult in their face wanting to interact with them because they're so flipping cute. Its hugely overwhelming for them and it makes them crankyyy. So what do they want? Boob again! They can shut down and relax there. But it leaves you wondering again, are they getting enough milk? Alongside a healthy dose of 'am I making a rod for my own back by feeding and cuddling them so much?' No, you're not. It's normal. Its healthy. It's just what they need. You're wonderful. The good news is, smiles are now not too far away! And there is something about those first smiles that just keeps you going. It's like magic. Cluster feeding starts to rear its head at this point. Your partner gets in from work and you think 'Yes! Finally I can hand him over' but the baby has other ideas and wants to spend the entire evening either on the boob or shouting at it. It's hard to figure out what's happening and people start talking about 'colic' and you wonder if you should buy some colic drops and accept your baby is a 'crier'. Your evenings are spent trying to comfort this distressed baby, which is heart wrenching, and if you do put them to the breast you feel like there isnt any milk there and your baby is not as relaxed during feeds. You also have what feels like insane PMS at this time of the day too. Weepy and overwhelmed. The bed dread sets in. You wonder if you'll ever get time with your partner again. Eventually, you discover from someone that babies want to spend the whole evening swapping from boob to boob, that it's normal. That soft breasts in an evening don't mean empty breasts, that it's ok to use the boob to comfort them. That actually, whilst they're still fractious, there is a lot less crying when you let them feed more. You wonder whether you ever needed the colic drops. (Studies suggest they don't work, interestingly) The first real growth spurt arrives! And it's a biggy! All of a sudden your baby just will not be off the breast for even a minute. You have several days of what feels like constant feeding, you're exhausted beyond belief, you feel like it's all falling apart and breastfeeding isnt working for you and your baby. That you're someone who can't produce enough milk. Your breasts feel empty and your baby is miserable. You may resent the baby. You may resent breastfeeding. But if you manage to push through those awful days you discover that it calms back down again just as quickly. Why are you craving chocolate so very, very much! Shouldn't I be eating healthily for my milk? You know what? Yeah, we should all be eating healthily! But realistically do we? Not all the time no. Your milk will still be incredible even if you're ramming down slabs of cadbury. No, you won't make chocolate milk. But your friend had to cut out dairy because their baby was so unsettled, maybe it's your chocolate consumption upsetting your baby! Nah, dairy is fine for the very vast majority of babies unless they have an actual allergy which isn't as common as you think. Chomp away. Your baby is suddenly NOISY. Grunting, groaning, straining, wriggly... even when they're asleep at night you can't sleep because you're watching them and thinking...are you awake? Do you need a feed? Surely you must be in pain with all that noise. It looks so uncomfortable! But they seem to be sleeping through it... especially around 4am onward when it's at its worst. Someone mentions reflux and silent reflux. They suggest you raise the cot at one end. Holding them upright for 20 minutes after a feed. It doesn't seem to help. Spoiler alert, it's because this behaviour is normal. It's a pain in the bum, but it's normal. Their digestion is really immature at this point, it does get better. You still haven't got the hang of latching and you're wondering if you're meant to be feeding in different positions. You've seen women in cafes feeding making it look as easy as breathing, and here you are still needing 18 hands, 7 pillows, 3 pints of water and toe curling pain. You speak to the gp because you've heard pain isn't normal. They prescribe you thrush treatment. A word of warning. It almost always turns out not to be thrush. It's extremely common to still be figuring out how to latch at this point and the pain is usually coming from that. Please reach out for experienced support with latching before considering medications. You've never eaten so much in your life, aren't we meant to be getting back in our jeans?? (No. ) Around this age, we feel like we should at least be beginning to have our 'sh1t' together. We should be understanding our baby's different cries, we should know how to soothe them. We shouldn't be feeding all the time. We shouldn't be in pain. They should be sleeping in the moses basket or cot, not in our arms or on our breast. That we should start to be in some sort of a routine by now. But none of this is happening. You. Are. Normal. Up and down the country parents with 3 to 5 week olds feel like they're drowning. They can't figure out what's going on or how to sort it. Whether they're doing the right or wrong thing. The answer, for your baby at least, is snuggle up and put them on the boob. And if they're not on the boob they want cuddling or rocking and that's ok! Get snacks. Watch Netflix. Trust your bodies that they know what they're doing. And if feeding hurts, get help. Even if doesn't, reach out. Cut yourself some slack. You ARE doing brilliantly. 3-6 weeks sucks. Big time. But it gets so, so much better. I promise. Reach out x

It’s not always just about feeding the baby or the milk. It’s not always unhappiness at using formula. It’s not a judgement about different ways of feeding. It’...s about grief for something you wanted to do and were unable to do. It’s the grief of your body not working in the way you thought it would. It’s the grief of not being able to mother your baby in the way you wanted. And all of that matters.

This beautiful inspirational art piece has been created by a beautiful Artist friend,she is a breastfeeding Person on her Breastfeeding journey, the work can speak to all of us on our journeys too. You may need this in your home or office. https://erinstagg.com/products/rivers-of-milk

How can you help your partner with breastfeeding? There are so many things you can do to make her experience easier and none involve offering to feed the baby.... Feeding is a big part of caring for a baby so it can be natural to think that you can help by offering to feed. But there are so many other ways you can make her feeding experience easier and help care for your baby that don’t involve a bottle. A partner’s support can be really helpful in getting breastfeeding off to a good start and into the weeks and months ahead. Some couples decide that perhaps they will use expressed milk or mixed feed at some point. But if you’re planning on doing this, it’s usually best to try and wait until her milk supply is well established and has settled down which usually happens by around six weeks. Until this point her body is gradually making more milk each day to meet her growing baby’s needs. But this seems to reach a peak at around 4 6 weeks. Giving a bottle before this point could disrupt that process but is less of a risk after that. Others find it more challenging to express milk, decide it’s more hassle than it’s worth or simply want to breastfeed for all feeds. Breastfeeding is more than just feeding a baby though and there are so many things you can do around that to make her experience more enjoyable . So here are 10 ways partners can get involved with supporting breastfeeding :)

What did you get done today? Maybe you checked off everything on your to-do list. Maybe you didn't even get to start it. Maybe your to-do list was replaced with... "HOLD BABY" and you had cluster feeding, fussiness, and cuddles. Friends, this is enough. Not striking every item off your to-do list isn't a failure, it is being flexible and adaptable in responding to your child's needs. This is truth. Many days when our children are young, this is what productive looks like. Even without quarantine. Here’s what this is accomplishing: Connection Bonding Protecting breastmilk supply Attachment Security Safety Trust Peace Stability Regulating breathing Regulating heart rate Regulating temperature Encouraging breastfeeding Rest Centering Lower stress You’re not wasting time here, you’re using it well. ***Artwork from @growupbrite on Instagram. As much as we are dedicated to providing free information, support, and community for all through The Leaky Boob, TLB is facing shutting down for good. Right now we don't have enough to continue to running this page, the group, the website, or anything else. We need your support, you can make a difference. If TLB or We’re All Human Here has ever helped or supported you, consider supporting us too. Like many, we're struggling so much with the impact of the pandemic we're having to consider our options. If you don't want that to happen, please consider how you can make a difference here: https://bit.ly/300FPrL #repost The Leaky Boob

Formula companies use very specific language on their products using terms such as, "nutritionally complete" and, "blend of scientifically researched ingredient...s" which makes it sound pretty good! However what they don't say is that there will never be a product that can replicate breastmilk. Breastmilk is continually changing to meet your baby's needs. It changes depending on what they have been exposed to, how old they are, how frequently they are breastfeeding. It's a living, changing tissue that is changing for your individual child. #keeponboobin'

Stunning photos of breastfeeding taken by different photographers around the world. The beauty of breastfeeding... {Photos from: https://www.sheknows.com//2387762/breastfeeding-photos/29/}

So worth your time

Is it time for teeth?? https://www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-and-teething/

Late afternoon and evenings with a baby, especially a fairly new one, can be, well... challenging. To put it politely. A large percentage of babies seem to cha...nge at this time. Change their feeding frequency, their feeding behaviours, and even their temperament. They often want to feed almost non stop, and yet when they do they get frustrated and upset. Pulling on and off, crying at the breast, tugging and hitting, even pushing away despite showing feeding cues. It feels like you can't please them or satisfy them, even though you're responding to their cues. They're fussy and cranky and even plain old upset and crying. It can feel like they're rejecting you, and it's horrible. They seem like they're tired but when they sleep it's for a few minutes before they're up again. All this and you often feel like your boobs are deflated air socks flapping in the breeze. Rest assured this is really common; hard, but common. So what's going on? Well, it's partly to do with those pesky hormones I'm afraid. We know that hormones fluctuate over the 24 hours, and its seems that late afternoon/early evening time is a difficult spot. This leads to milk supply running not lower, but seemingly much slower. Breasts often feel soft and empty, and this can be really unnerving for parents, especially when their baby is getting pretty peeved off at the breast, or wanting to be there relentlessly. It can add to that nagging feeling of ' I don't have enough milk' But breasts are never empty, milk production continues 24/7. It's just this weird time of day when it all goes a bit mad. The behaviours that babies exhibit at this time are stimulation behaviours. A little like kittens kneed at the breast to encourage milk flow, human babies pad and fist the breast, but also tug around, come on and off, squirm and fuss. (You'll notice these behaviours during growth spurts too. All messages of 'I need more milk to flow please!') What doesn't help, is that this hormonal change not only seems to affect us physically, but emotionally too. Tearful, irritable, vulnerable, paranoid...a range of negative feelings seem to hit hard. Whenever I talk about this with new parents I see an absolute lightbulb moment happen in their face, often followed by the words 'I'm so glad it's not just me' or 'that explains so much', even sometimes tears of relief. Another phenomenon that ignites the same spark of recognition is the 'Night Dread'. As the day heads towards the night, no matter how well you've been feeling during the day, fear about the night starts to set in. A feeling of 'I can't do it, please don't make me do it' seems to loom over. It's common to feel quite resentful at this point too. During the early weeks a massive amount of changes happen, and babies brains are developing seriously fast. As they spend more time waking up to the world and alert, they're taking on board a huge amount of stimulation. Noises, sights, smells, feelings, there's a huge amount going on and it's a lot for them to process. By the time you get to the evening they're absolutely wired. If you've ever experienced multi sensory overload try and remember that feeling and can understand why babies are pretty cranky by the end of the day. As with a lot of these things, they can't necessarily be solved, but having knowledge about them, that they're normal, and you're not alone can help enormously. What can you do to help? Try and head towards the late afternoon having eaten and drunk plenty. You definitely don't want to go into it 'Hangry' Try and have easily grabbable one handed snacks dotted around the place. Make sure baby has had plenty of sleep during the day. This is often at the breast, but any other way that they sleep is fine too. If you can manage a sleep during the day that's fantastic too. Skin to skin cuddles with baby can really help calm you both, and cobathing can be lovely and soothing too. Get, and use, a sling. Not just in the evening but during the day too. That closeness and comfort will help support them to rest and relax which can lead to an easier evening. Offer the breast frequently, and try not to worry if they are unsettled when they're there. But don't assume if they rejected it ten minutes ago that they don't want it now. They can be really fickle in an evening. And reach out for support. Family, friends, a postnatal doula...anyone that can help you out with whatever you might need. Were your evenings difficult? What helped you get through? What advice would you give to new families?

Be selective when venting as not everyone will provide the support you may be seeking