SafeHearts Counselling Services
#203 - 1789 Harvey Avenue V1Y 6G4 Kelowna, BC, Canada

It can be easy to take on guilt and shame as we look back on our behaviors after a traumatic event - it is important to remember that we don't get to choose our response.

One of the most hopeful aspects of working with trauma and the nervous system. The story can feel really important, and it may not be essential. The body holds all the information.

A colleague who works somatically is offering this online series specifically for men - please feel free to share individually or collectively:

It can be easy to take on guilt and shame as we look back on our behaviors after a traumatic event - it is important to remember that we don't get to choose our response.

*Trigger Warning* This issue is very close to my heart, which makes the conversation feel that much more important in the current political and emotional climate. The article below which includes excerpts of an interview with investigative reporter Jess Hill touches on the potent and often overlooked aspect of shame that fuels intimate partner violence, which is not always or only physical. "A popular phrase by the novelist Margaret Atwood, Hill said, sums up this dilemma perfectly: 'Men are afraid women will laugh at them,' Atwood famously wrote, 'and women are afraid men will kill them.'"

This man's perspective continues to give me hope in humanity.

One of the most hopeful aspects of working with trauma and the nervous system. The story can feel really important, and it may not be essential. The body holds all the information.

This self-reflective fellow has some raw, tough and humble things to say, post-divorce. If you are struggling in a difficult relationship or struggling to end one, his words may offer some comfort and/or validation. https://mustbethistalltoride.com/an-open-letter-to-shitty-/

'Trauma-informed' is becoming a buzz-word. It's important to know what it really means. This article does a fantastic job of laying that out.

There is always more than one thing that's true.

Excellent article on a brilliant survival strategy that can (eventually will) backfire with significant consequences to health and sanity.

Reposting. Please share with parents, caregivers who may need this now, or in the future. Thanks Gretchen Schmelzer Public Page for this post.

Excellent short read for those who are wondering about their own or another's emotional capacity.

Please share with any friends/family in the Okanagan area who may be interested:

As posted earlier by Seth Lyon; I can't say it any better: "Today is mental health awareness day. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. The biggest thing that people need to be aware of about both these things is that both mental health problems and cancer (and behavioural disorders, personality disorders, autoimmune disease, and basically anything else you can think of that a person may struggle with) ALL have a common root, and that is trauma. Most commonly early childhood trauma and the coping strategies that result. Gabor breaks it down well here."

There are people affected by recent events who may not be getting the help they might need because they don't know how to. This article is a good place to start.

Early attachment ruptures and early developmental trauma can have a lasting impact on the health of our nervous system and our relationships.

Healing from trauma is possible.

Check out this excellent talk from a wise and passionate leader about the importance of presence in our relationships and lives: https://youtu.be/VmDN0PLHZHk

When conditions are set for a traumatized nervous system to regulate, our capacity to heal remembers itself at a whole new level.

"The big issue for traumatized people is that they don't own themselves anymore. Any loud sound, anybody insulting them, hurting them, saying bad things, can hijack them away from themselves. And so what we have learned is that what makes you resilient to trauma is to own yourself fully. ~Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

When we don't get the support we need after an overwhelming experience, the impact can be significant.

Working with trauma through the nervous system is key to restoring health at all levels.

"Empowerment is the acceptance of personal authority. It derives from the capacity to choose the direction and execution of ones own energies. Mastery is the ...possession of skillful techniques in dealing successfully with threat. Orientation is the process of ascertaining ones position relative to both circumstance and environment. In these ways the residue of trauma is renegotiated. -Peter A Levine, PhD in Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences #fridayquote #somaticexperiencing

Absolutely true, in my opinion.

A thought-provoking piece on marriage, and how the struggles in long-term relational commitment may be more about idealism.

Some good points on how therapy can be helpful:

Beautifully written personal account on codependence and addiction:

A fantastic article on boundaries (teensy bit of coarse language):

Holding onto ourselves in our relationships is important for many reasons.