Sanguinity Counselling
885 Regent Street Suite 3-7A P3E 5M4 Greater Sudbury, ON, Canada

Children’s brains are underdeveloped and hardwired for attachment to ensure their needs are met. Punishment disconnects the heart of a child and parent. It de...humanizes. It may work temporarily because a child will do almost anything to avoid feeling disconnected emotionally from their guardians. Children want to do what’s right, they may not have the tools to do so, yet. As a parent, we can look for the need behind a child's behavior and help them to understand how to fulfill that need morally. Empathy grows EQ (emotional intelligence) which helps us imagine how another person is feeling, inspiring us to treat them how we would like to be treated. Punishment hinders EQ which also numbs the heart to empathy which is why the discomfort does not truly teach the heart. Most children learn how to avoid punishment, without truly learning how to empathize and choose morally from the heart. Summary: Connection is a child's greatest need and an adult's most effective influence. Punishment disconnects and uses a child's immediate need and adult’s long term influence against each other. Punishment may lessen the effect (behavior) but will intensify the cause (unmet needs) To help children learn how to behave better adults need to learn how to relate better. It’s a process and it's perfectly normal not to have all the answers all the time. The goal is to keep learning as we are growing. with love, LeliaSchott.com Parent Pedagogy & Therapy #strengthenedthroughgentleness #risingasweraisechildren #growinghumans

In order to heal, we must become aware of our conditioning. Conditioning is the behaviors + reactions that are modeled to us in childhood from caregivers. When ...we are children we are sponges everything we witness is called modeling. We display the same conditioning we’ve been modeled. We unconsciously live this conditioning every day. These become patterns. Patterns are the result of what we were modeled. The more unconscious we are to this conditioning, the more ‘stuck’ we feel. Our conditioning is made up of: 1. Core beliefs: the core beliefs of our caretakers become our core beliefs before we have access to consciously choosing them. Core beliefs are beliefs about ourselves, others, + the world. Core beliefs are the lens through which we see the world. We often call this ‘truth’ or reality. Core beliefs can be unlearned (through questioning do I actually believe this? Does this belief serve who I want to be?) + re-learned through repetition. 2. Habit behaviors: our unconscious (autopilot) responses including the way we speak, react, + the thoughts we practice that have been molded by caregivers. Any behavior that we are not fully present to is a habit behavior. The work is to become present + make conscious choices beyond our habit behaviors. 3. Coping mechanisms: the ways we have been modeled to cope with stressful emotions or situations by caregivers. Ideally, we were modeled how to navigate stress + recover/return to a baseline of calm. These are called adaptive coping mechanisms. [Ex: talking a quick walk. Pausing + breathing. Sitting with emotions as they pass.] Many of us learned maladaptive behaviors which allow us to feel a quick relief from stress, but later cause even more stress or shame. An example of a maladaptive coping mechanism is alcohol use. Temporary, we feel better (a nervous system relief) then later we feel physically + mentally worse. What ah-ha moment have you had about your conditioning? #selfhealers

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Just keep going...

Strong, steady breathing is like a lullaby for an anxious brain, but it’s not enough to tell kids what to do, we also have to explain why it works. Strong, deep... breathing sends a message to the amygdala that you’re safe. This eases the surging of fight or flight neurochemicals, which will ease the feelings that come with anxiety. You don’t need to believe it’s true, it will just happen. The calming effects of strong steady breathing are wired into us. Think of strong deep breathing like a reset for your brain and body. Your anxious thoughts might still be there, but your body and mind will start to feel calmer, you’ll start to feel stronger, and you’ll be more able to think clearly and bravely. Brains are excellent, but they work best when we’re in charge. It’s important to have kids and teens practice anxiety when they are calm, before they use it in the midst of anxiety. During anxiety the brain is too busy keeping us safe and it doesn’t have spare resources to do anything unfamiliar. Practicing during calm (maybe as part of a bedtime routine, or when they start the day) will set up neural pathways that make it more familiar and easier for the brain to access during anxiety. Strong steady breathing opens the way for courage - it will help them calm anxiety, so they can do brave.