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(As always when I share about emotionally immature parents, I highly suggest the work of Dr Lindsay Gibson. Her book adult children of emotionally immature par...ents opened so much healing for me) THINGS TO KNOW AS YOU HEAL FEOM EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS: 1. Your parents are human doing the best they can with the level of maturity they have. 2. Age doesn’t reflect emotional development. This will become more + more clear to you. 3. Boundaries are your friend. Prioritizing yourself, your other relationships, + overall self care can be scary especially with emotionally immature parents who have expectations of how you should show up in their lives. You can do difficult things. 4. You are an adult with agency. You can make your own choices. You know what’s best for you, even if it does serve what your parents want *for* you. 5. Understand your parents level of emotionally maturity + don’t look for what they cannot give you. This one is so tough we want to be seen, heard, + appreciated by our parents on such a deep psychological + spiritual level. Work on finding support systems outside of your parents that can hold space for your experience. It’s unfair to place unrealistic expectations on them. And will set you up for suffering. 6. Find your good zone with an emotionally immature parent. Meaning, things you like to enjoy together + talk about. Appreciate those moments for what they are. 7. Don’t try to get a parent to see what they’re not willing to see. Sometimes we spend so much energy trying to change people around us. The best thing we can do is change the way we respond to the people around us. Notice as you interact differently, you have a different experience. Practice cultivating your own emotional maturity when around your parent. 8. Write your inner child a letter. Tell them you understand it hurt to be told to not cry or to toughen up or when a parent mocked or made fun of you (because they didn’t know any healthier ways to connect.) Let the words flow + the emotions release #selfhealers

If you have not seen the movie Inside Out, it really is must watch. The intricacies of how it not only brings emotions to life but can show the dynamics of internal family systems is wonderful.

As adults, how we communicate with our kids is so important, especially after losing our temper or showing other BIG emotions.

Accessible support for youth. Check it out

This is yet another reason why I am passionate about considering the whole system instead of simply pointing at the child. For example, while teaching self-regu...lation to children can be helpful, without awareness, this strategy bypasses the impact the larger family of adults has on the child; and it gives adults a pass on the necessary requirement to self-regulate - to practice self-care, self-reflection, and ultimately heal. For centuries we have pointed at children and made them the problem while not considering that they are an expression of their environment. We have not taken responsibility for the child who burns down the village, considering why they do so, what needs of theirs are not being met; what would make a child protest that loudly, what they are crying out (acting out) for. Related: The Co-Revolution: Teaching Kids to Self-Regulate is Not Enough ~ Its Time to Heal Our Own Trauma and Co-Regulate | Vince Gowmon http://bit.ly/1qUKWFp Related: 4 Reasons I Take Issue With Teaching Children Meditation in School | Vince Gowmon http://bit.ly/2MbjcMt

Some ways to start difficult conversations

Try communicating with them through THEIR love language rather than through YOURS.

"Children are often called to shrink themselves for the adults in their lives. Today I want to remind you that you are worthy." - Kristen Coggins from Krissys Couch

The traits that are described in this video come up for kids and adult children of addicts of any kind, not just alcoholics. https://youtu.be/qneoYIT0tOI

Latest addition to my Mindful Mondays videos. https://youtu.be/zZHENjMuOvE

I created a YouTube playlist on my channel called Mindful Mondays. Each Monday I will be posting a video that either has a short exercise or information to help promote understand and self-awareness. Check it out. https://www.youtube.com/playlist

Incorporating a guided progressive muscle relaxation practice into your day can help to alleviate stress, anxiousness and tension and give you a sense of calmness and grounding. Find a quiet place to sit or lay down and follow along with this video. https://youtu.be/W1Jppbn4WHY

These are some great reminders about what makes an effective and worthwhile apology

In this short video, I share 6 useful tips to help adjust to working or learning at home. Help boost your productivity and practice self-care by taking advantage of these strategies while learning and/or working from home during these challenging times. https://youtu.be/oagSaUqEeao

In this short animation, I explore the 3 main thought types that we have, PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE. When our thoughts get stuck in the past or the future our emotions can begin to build up and become overwhelming. Working at bringing our thoughts into the present can allow the pressure level to come down and reengage our whole brain. Leaving us feeling more in charge of our thoughts, feelings and actions. https://youtu.be/2ZXqkswCTOk

With everything shifting to distance and online, I am working on posting some videos that can hopefully offer some insight and support for others. In this video I use Dr. Dan Siegels Brain Hand Model as a foundation to talk about what happens in the brain when we "flip our lid" and shift into reactive mode. Building awareness of what is happening in our brain and body when we are triggered can help us to re-engage and get our whole brain back online. Take some time to think... about what some of your physical signals are when youve "flipped." https://youtu.be/n7l8pj_MQD4

This applies to kids, teenagers and adults alike.

A good reminder. Plus check out the link for a great Social Emotional Learning workbook you can print for your kids.

This week, next week and the week after. There is not an academic emergency. Kids feel the stress and uncertainty too. Focusing on connection, building calmness and the capacity to check in with themselves is more important then academics right now.

Some good reminders

Great suggestions for reframing

A great free support available to parents in our community. Make sure to register.

Work on changing the formula.

Ask yourself, am I listening to understand or are you just focused on your reply?

Empathy vs. sympathy

Some of these things can be helpful to say to yourself as an anxious adult too.

Rumination vs. Processing We like to think we are "processing" things when we think about something and analyze it in our head. However, when the thoughts are emotionally driven, repetitive, assumptive and with no idea of solution, it is more likely that we are ruminating rather than processing our experience to move towards growth and change.

The Four Agreements

9 things we should say to our kids each day <3 #LoveMatters #PeacefulParenting #Attachment DrMomma.org

Look at boredom as an opportunity not a hassle