Taylor Klotz

I received an email the other day, from a coach who is a truth speaker. I’ve been on her email list for years but never read them until the other day. And she says point blank the coaching industry is not easy She called out the coaches who paint us the picture that this shit is easy. That it is effortless ... She even called herself a truth speaker. Which I recently have turned into. And the truth of it all, is that it isn’t easy and effortless. I see a gap in the online world where we get magnetized to the women who are wining. And though this is pretty much how it works, there is a gap between the journey of where they started and where they are now that isn’t talked about. It’s scary, to talk about our struggles. It’s scary to admit that we haven’t got it figured out, or we aren’t winning. Because we fear losing people. People who followed us for our high vibes, people who followed us for the wins, celebrations and happy frequency But what about ... the times when you had a failed launch, what about the times when you made no money in your business, what about the times when you had to go get a job to survive ? What about the struggle ? I don’t think, we need the struggle to be able to succeed but I do think that it is brushed under the rug when it happens. And I realize that my struggle, helps you relate, helps you feel like you’re not alone, helps you recognize fuck, we are all going through it. I’ve recognized that yes, my mind is a bit attached to my struggle or to the negative others may even say. But I view it as a period where I am reflecting and learning. I view these stories and posts as owning the truth, owning what’s truely happening and not trying to pretend that it’s rainbows and butterflies over here. When I look back in a year, what do I want to remember ? I want to remember me being truthful. I want to remember me being as authentic as I truly am and not hiding a single thing from you or the world. Because I am human and for you to expect perfection or even think that struggle is not apart of life, is unrealistic.

An update on my life : 3 weeks ago, when I took ownership of my depression. I remember saying to myself, I don’t want a job again. I don’t even want to work. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to live this rigged life. ...Continue reading

Sharing your opinion on someone else’s life, when it is not invited or asked for, is ego driven. Your ego, your identity of who you are, just feels the NEED to share your thoughts on how this person can ... be or do better for themselves. Uninvited opinions, are not to serve the other person, they are to serve your internal desires(the desire to help, the need to fix, the validation you’re a good person because look, you’re trying to help). ... It’s ego driven because it isn’t asked for. But if you are to be asked and invited ... so what do you think I should do ? What do you think of my situation ? The opinion has a much different energy. We live in a world that is so full of opinions of how we should live life, how we should show up, how we can do much better. But we have forgotten that the way YOU are meant to live your life, can be vastly different then how others will. Not a single person in this world is you. Has your magic, has your energy, and is anything like you. There will only ever be 1 you. It is so important especially when you are in the depression journey, to go inwards and quiet the voices of others. Pay attention to the relationships that get impacted by your depression. Pay attention to the people who have the inability to show up with love for you and be in their own energy of happiness, with out sharing their opinion. Can the people around you respect the boundaries you put in place ? Can they still be their high vibe happy selves without their own NEED to fix your problems. Do you notice that a common pattern inside of depressed people is that they don’t want help ? But yet we push them and force our help on them, or make them listen to our opinions of their lives ? I actually question now, perhaps there is a reason we deny help ? Perhaps it’s because naturally we are actually meant to go inwards, figure it out ourselves, and find our way on our own to be able to understand ourselves deeper. I have such a different perspective on depression lately, to realize why I have struggled with this my whole life. I never went inside. I never stood up for myself and what I wanted.

If you told me a month ago that my feelings of trapped were just a figment of my imagination ... I’d tell you to go F yourself. But today, I recognize that it is all my own fault. We always have a choice, and the choice of freedom is always there. ... It probably is just a choice that you don’t want to make, so you don’t make the harder decision that will give you the thing that you want. My freedom was always available, I just never wanted to release custody. I never wanted to let go of control, so I chose to stay trapped instead, that binded me to a controlling situation that dictated where I worked, where I lived and left me feeling powerless over my own life. The second, I surrender control, surrender the need to hold on. I am granted my freedom. But it isn’t that easy and man do I understand that. I wasn’t ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to surrender. What needed to happen first was the situation of holding on, needed to become so painful, so excruciating, that eventually ... the act of letting go was less painful. 5 years of being told where I could live, what job I could take, even though I lied ... about my job so that I could feel some sort of freedom and control in my own life. Eventually became so hard to live like this, that now letting go is actually easier. Isn’t that crazy ? I learned that from my first coach actually. When I shared with him I was an escort and I wanted to better my life, I wanted to get into the coaching industry, I hired him to help me work through the shame and guilt I held inside. I remember he said to me one day it will become so painful to not talk about your story, that eventually talking about it will be the thing you desire I held shame and guilt that wasn’t mine because I don’t feel shameful or guilty for what I did with my body. The industry had given me a lot of freedom that I didn’t have in my life. It gave me money so I could provide and experience the world, travel all over and bring my child along with me. It gave me money to hire a coach and provided me with support that I really needed at that time of my life. I went from drinking on the job to completely sober ....

They might not understand you. They might not get it. But do it anyways. Do it for you, not for them. Do things for the pure purpose because you want to, and not for any other stinking reason. ... In this ownership and sharing of your authentic truth, it’s going to magnetize you. People will flock to your side to support, love and be there. I did this course once, that was about healing my inner child and one of the wounds was taught that we claim we are different as a form to protect ourselves. This teaching has left me with questions. Because I feel this way from always being misunderstood. There is a constant pattern that shows up but maybe it is because I’ve never fully owned my truth and expressed them in this way, so maybe my people who think and see things like I do haven’t been able to find me. Regardless, I know that my approach is unconventional. It isn’t the normal way to deal with this depression. However I can say that the hardest day was the day I owned it. And every day since has left me feeling better and better. Almost that I question, am I even actually depressed ? Or was it my soul fighting for what she wants and throwing a tantrum for weeks until I finally listened to her. Only time will tell truthfully. I think right now I am waiting for shit to hit the fan honestly. There has been a sense of freedom that I have given myself by allowing myself to release all of these things In my life. Which have turned into a feeling of contentness. Yesterday started out okay, even turned into good vibes for me. But I can see that emotionally I am not as stable as I normally would be, that I am easily triggered right now. Defensive and I’m being careful around who I engage with. That’s not normal for me, so when I see this, I recognize that I am probably depressed in ways, I really have just learned to be a functioning depressed person. Which is more fascinating then anything. My mind is curious today. It wants to figure things out, ask many questions about the experience I am having and just witness the process. Today feels bright. There is so much love, appreciation and support around me, I have to say it’s a bit much lol.

Yesterday was a good day, today is an OK day and I have no idea what tomorrow will be. The day before all of those were very NOT OK days. This is the journey of a depressed soul. ... I’ve been here before. This actually has been my journey from a child... So I know what to do. I am widely against medication, because of my very awful experiences. But I know that sometimes we do need them. I’ve been so depressed in my life before that I wasn’t even able to stay awake. I would sleep for 14 hours wake up for 2 hours eat and pass out without even trying. My soul didn’t want to be in this waking world, I remember it so vividly. This was at the age of 16/17. At that point, I needed medication, I fully believe that but I’m not there and hope to never be at that stage again, but if I was, I would seek help. Back in 2016, I woke up. I started my spiritual journey and found Reiki, meditation, crystals and all things woo. I walked the journey of healing myself with my self reiki, affirmations and sleep binaural beats. I would say, that where I am now, is actually better then where I was back then. I had a conversation with my partner, questioning did I ever truly heal myself ? Or have I actually just been a functioning depressive person this whole time. He reminded me of the light and joy and happiness I used to beam. Ah, he’s right. I do believe that I was depression free for 5 years. Hearing that reminder of the stable, joyful person I used to be, I recognize that I can’t see clearly on myself in this time. I am thankful to have him remind me of my light. Some might even argue that my decisions may be wrong because I’m an emotional authority, and I’m low, I’m in a low that will taint my decisions or be wrong for me. But what they don’t know is the length I have battled to make these decisions that I’m currently making at this moment in time. For you, it may seem harsh or a shock because but you were so happy only a week or two ago, or you were showing us your power The truth is, I only showed you the light. I didn’t show you the dark. And it tore me apart because I have always believed that there are lessons in the dark.

Since I have pulled back the curtains. Given you my truth in my moments. My engagement and views have sky rocketed. ... I didn’t do this for likes, I didn’t do it for attention I actually did it for myself. I had a breakthrough this morning when I woke up to an umteen amount of messages and notifications on my posts. This happened last time, when I posted about entrepreneur truth. I am realizing that in my darkness I am seeing the light. I see that part of my souls desire has always been to speak truth of my own story. 4 months ago I was silenced, out of fear of losing my child. Today I stand tall, speak my truth and surrender custody. This is the most heart wrenching, difficult situation I will ever release control over, but also set myself free. I’m not sharing these truths for you, but for me and healing myself through the action I have always desired. In January 2020 I came out of the escort closet. Only to be threatened to lose custody... As I write this I see 444, but of course. Hello angels ... I have been controlled for the past 5 years through this co-parent experience and I’m so done with it all. You win, Take control, And live your life, And let me live mine. I have only ever desired to speak truth freely, in every moment. But I have noticed a common pattern of me listening to others advice, others ways, but I recognize this is not my way. I’m really done hiding, have you noticed ? I’m done going along with everyone else’s way, everyone else’s advice, every one else’s rules. Speaking freely of this, will only have repercussions of legally losing custody. But I have already decided in my mind, to surrender to losing this in my life. I have to trust what my soul wants, and right now it wants to share every situation and battle I walk upon. I bet every person in my life will freak out from reading this, but they don’t understand the battle I deal with on a daily. There is only so much a soul can take, and I have reached my limit. I surrender universe, I surrender angels, I desire to speak freely of my own life, I am taking back control of my voice, And I am trusting my souls desire. Whatever happens...

There is a darkness deep inside of me that I’ve battled my whole life. A darkness that I thought I healed back in 2016. I was told that this year would be a year of mental health for me and when I was told this I didn’t believe it because it was at a time where I was doing so well. ... The darkness is back. It’s real and mental health is no joke. My life is being ripped out from under me feet, failure after failure, knocked down. I’m drowning. I’m suffocating. I’m trapped. With zero control over my life. I am locked in a prison that no one can even fathom to understand. I became an escort back in 2016 to better my life. To do a financial freedom, to get myself out of debt. To invest the money I made back into my mental health and growth. And I did just that. Covid rocked my world. The industry shut down. So I tried to find another way. Only to fail and go back into debt that I worked so many years to get out of. Back at square one. I want out. Who made this matrix. And why am I here ? What is the purpose of my life ? I literally have no idea. I am hanging on by a thread. And just when I think I have made a sufficient plan to get myself ahead, get myself back on my feet, without going back to the industry. My life is ripped from me even more then it was before. I can’t win here. I am trying, so hard to make the right choices. Stay positive, stay in the light but how many times more will I be kicked to the ground and reminded that I am in a prison I have created for myself. Depression looms over me. And I do not see the light. I give up. I surrender to losing it all. I no longer have fire left inside of me to fight. I have no desire to stand back up. Pick myself up and continue on. My soul is exhausted, my heart hurts. My mind is defeated and I can’t feel, see or remember the light at the end of this battle. Why the Fuck would I choose this as my souls journey ? Because I can’t see the purpose of any of this right now. You’re not the only soul who can’t see the light, is the only voice I hear inside of my head right now. Here’s to my journey of real, raw, authentic truth. I never thought I’d be back here again...

Let’s talk about the Entrepreneur Truth. The truth that no one reveals, the truth that no one talks about in this journey. No one shares their journey as they build. They only share it in hindsight. ... Everyone teaches, don’t share in the moment, share when you’re out of it. But is that authentically our truth ? Highlight reels and positivity boast all over and I mean sure, this is great for inspiration, but it also takes away from our humanness. When you become an entrepreneur, did they tell you that you might not succeed at first, or how about the journey from when you succeed and then have a failed launch Who’s talking about these ? I’m not seeing it, and maybe because I’m not following the right ones I’m not sure. What I do know is that I believe showing up in my moments as authentically truthful with what’s happening. I’m an open person, I’ve always been this way. August wasn’t as great as I predicted it would be. It was a failed launch, I made $111 in my biz and I was doing a lot of things but I was exhausted. It’s a storm that almost kicked me off my path, but today I got a job as a VA(virtual assistant). I questioned my worth, questioned with what I have to bring this world and have zero answers to my questions. It’s a lesson to teach me that I am worthy no matter what. I believe the failures are here to teach me that just because my launch didn’t succeed YET, Means nothing about me. It just means that it wasn’t the right time in the world yet for it. Quantum Queen is my baby. It is my signature offer and my first launch ever generated $11,110 in 2019. This year, it didn’t make a dollar. What’s that mean ? Nothing really. Except for what I make it mean. I could say: it didn’t work because of ____ or because I was out of alignment, or because I did something wrong, or because I need to learn more, or actually it just didn’t work. Stop making your situations mean something. You have a choice. To sit here and choose struggle, choose positivity or choose neutral. How do I feel, I do feel like a failure, I’m sad, I’m exhausted, I’m burnt out, I’m lost, I’m confused, I’m uncertain But what I’m not, is ...

We are ahead of the game. If you have recognized a shift in the consciousness that people are more attracted to love based marketing then fear based, you are ahead of the game. Even though you might not feel that you’re succeeding just yet, or you haven’t mastered it yet. You are still ahead of the game. ... The world is so much bigger then the followers on Facebook and the community you constantly consume. The people who are in the coaching world, or the spirituality industry, or deeply connected to source. Are ahead of the game. The ones who recognize that their power comes from within and not outside of them, are ahead of the game. The ones that stopped using fear to scare you to buy, their ahead of the game. The ones that invest in their development, ahead of the game. The rest of the world is starting to wake up, starting to recognize that ... old tactics are icky, they don’t like it. They are trying to find ways to get out of the hustle. People are recognizing this BS system that is designed against us. But you and I, are ahead of the game. We have been doing this work for years. Maybe it scares you because you’re afraid that their going to surpass you. But I’d like to offer you a perspective that actually ... you are an expert at the thing they are just starting ! You are ahead of the game, and if you didn’t recognize it yet, I hope you do now after reading this. What tactics are you seeing that you don’t like in the world ? Sales, marketing tactics. Join the discussion below !

When I started my business 2 years ago, I was in a place of wanting to save everyone. I had healed myself from my shitty mindset, my depression and really learned to empower myself and change my life for the better. I remember what it was like to not have anyone in those moments and thought omg I have to help others, I must teach them what I’ve learned and guide them through their own healing... But I recognize looking back that it was a saviours complex. Now instead of trying to save others, I call your own healer forward. I am not here to save you, I am not here to do your work, I am not here to hold your hand and drag you along your evolution. I am here to connect you to what healing you need, I am here to pull your healer forward, I am here to teach you sacred practices that are way more then mind set Mumbo jumbo. It goes so deeper then that with me. I recognize that I came to this planet to heal ancestral lineages, Break the reoccurring patterns that play out in my own blood lines and heal deep deep within the subconscious, Through the tools I’ve learned along the way. As I step more into my healer identity, I recognize that I used to save others, which left me feeling burnt out, exhausted, always in the doing and dragging others along this path I see for them. It left them with zero self responsibility. When you activate your saviour inside, you activate others need to be saved. You attract those who want you to do the healing for them, who don’t do the work, and expect you to change their lives. You are not here to save people, You are here to activate them. To offer them a perspective that they can’t see, to challenge their ways of being and to empower them to take their own self responsibility. You are here to be the way you are, you are here to be seen, fully expressed and in your most honest version of you. Have you noticed if you’ve been activating your own saviour ? Join the conversation below, how does this show up in your own life and business ?

They told you who to be, how to be and what to do. You tried it on, it didn’t fit and it felt off but you trusted it because well if it worked for them and others, why wouldn’t it work for you ? But you’re different, you’ve always been different. ... The medicine is in the sauce. It’s in the journey, of enjoying where you are going. It’s in the truth of who you are, it’s in the fullest expression of you. Your most authentic, most self expressed, most powerful, most confident you. But inside you’re scared, you don’t think you need to be connected to you, or connected to your inner child, this will work. It’s going to work because it works for others so it must work for you too. But is it your way ? Is it your expression ? Is it your gifts ? Or are you just trying on another persons way of being ? Quantum Queen is about you. It’s about finding your higher self, connecting to her and becoming her. It is the creation of you, it is the connection to you, because when we connect to you Confidence arises inside of you, Deep trust in yourself is built, Deep compassion and understanding bubbles inside, Deep love for ourselves is planted and we start to grow, our most confident, strong, independent selves. Quantum Queen teaches us where our magic is, what we are holding back on, how we are hiding and completely heals that aspect of ourselves. We find forgiveness in the sacred practices. We sit with our inner child, we learn to love ourselves deeper then we’ve ever been taught, because this is the foundation to your happiness, success and confidence. Doors open August 28th I cannot wait ! Shoot me a Dm for the link !