The Essence of You Counselling
SW Calgary Calgary, AB, Canada

I was on CTV News this morning talking about Anger & Rage in Motherhood. It’s a short 4 min video, check it out!

Preventing feelings of anger & rage from getting out of control is possible... it just takes a bit of focus! You and your whole family will benefit when you invest the time into YOURSELF to develop your awareness and understanding of yourself & your anger and learn to manage these feelings in a way that aligns with your value system. Sign up for my workshop series on Anger & Rage in Motherhood to get support with this! The most common thing people tell me after taking it is ...that it was life changing for them. This workshop series is accessible through a self-paced online format and you can also join our monthly live interactive online groups for connection & extra support. Next group is on Feb 3rd and we just have 4 spots left! Link in bio @theessenceofyoucounselling (P.S. if you’re reading this before 7:15am make sure to stream CTV Morning Live in Calgary to watch my interview on this topic!)

How can you tell when your genuine side is leading? How can you tell when it’s not? Tell me in the comments.

Anger is IMPORTANT! It is a natural part of our existence. But rage - we can do without! When we take the time to tune into our anger, connect to it, learn from it, and take care of it.... we can start using our power and living our lives in alignment with our value system which will allow us to be free from those uncontrollable feelings of INTENSE anger and rage. Check out my insta stories today to hear what I have to say about this topic, and make sure to sign up for the next workshop! Link in bio @theessenceofyoucounselling

I’ll be sharing some tips over the next week in managing and preventing burnout as I prep for a private workshop I’m holding for a group of labour & delivery nurses next week. I’ve held this workshop several times in the past but I always like to review, edit & add new content each time I offer it again to make sure it’s fresh and relevant! What do you want to know about burnout? Comment below and I’ll make sure to post about it!

Sometimes privilege looks like: being able to camp in your trailer in a snowstorm when your house is uninhabitable and it’s illegal to lean on friends for support. I am so grateful that we had the option to heat up the trailer at the last minute and safely sleep in there last night when we had to rush out of our house while getting our kids ready for bed... even though it was a little cold! I must say that a lot of thoughts are swirling around in my mind today about the regulations that prevent us from LEGALLY leaning on friends, family & neighbours for support.

If you’re feeling like you’re just surviving right now, I want to encourage you to consider how to support yourself and centre in on what matters most. Look around, and identify what you can do right now that will bring you the most relief from stress. Make a list of the top 3 things you need to get done today, consider how you can simplify things for yourself and start with #1. After you get all three done, you can make a list of three more if you feel you need to! Make sure you are nourishing yourself with food and water, and consider who you can connect with today in whatever form feels best for you. Share in the comments what you will do today to support yourself!

Thank you, nature, for never disappointing me, even when soooo many other things are going wrong.

Some wisdom from one of my faves, Jill Thompson from @tharseo.counselling Sign up for our NEW recorded online workshop on Body Image & Sexuality where Jill & I will share how to create a healthier relationship with your body, your sexuality, and yourself. Link in bio @theessenceofyoucounselling

SLOOOOOOW those thoughts down! I’m not suggesting you tune into your *perception* of how others are judging you. So (please) don’t go there! Instead, consider this: we can’t always see everything about ourselves. Sometimes, asking safe & supportive people to share with us what THEY see in us can be a helpful awareness exercise. (Key words here: SAFE & SUPPORTIVE).... Last night in my anxiety workshop, I suggested to the participants that they check in with a safe and supportive person and ask what they see when their anxiety starts to build up. It might also be beneficial to consider asking this safe & supportive person to name it in a gentle & respectful way when they see it start. (More key words: gentle & respectful! We certainly don’t need to be feeling shamed or criticized when we are asking for feedback to help us grow!) The more you build your awareness around your anxiety (how it shows up, how it builds up, what triggers it), the more you have to work with to support yourself to cope with it in a healthy way and PREVENT it from becoming unmanageable. Double tap this post if you’re willing to give this a try! And if you already have, I’d love to hear what your learned! Share in the comments

I’m feeling super fulfilled after tonight’s online workshop on anxiety! Thank you to everyone who attended, it is an incredible group and I feel so fortunate to be able to work with all of you! Seeing everyone willing to reflect on the hard stuff and take some risks to share pieces of your story with the group tonight was so touching and I just love seeing people at a point of readiness like this. Oh and, everyone was on time! I don’t think I’ve actually ever experienced thi...s in a group setting before As usual, I’m feeling extremely grateful to be able to do this work, and I can’t wait to work with this group again next week for Part 2!! Annnnnnd I’m also excited to share the FREE version of this workshop tomorrow night with a different group!

Your anxiety has good intentions! It just sometimes gets you into trouble when the threat isn’t so threatening after all, and instead of helping you to survive the moment, this feeling becomes debilitating. ^ I’ll be talking about this and what to do about it in my anxiety workshop tonight! What has helped you manage your anxiety in a healthy way (without just ignoring/suppressing!) share in the comments!

My unpaid mini-crew and I re-arranged my office yesterday, and needless to say... it was a bit chaotic. But we got it mostly done! (Video started halfway through the re-organization process then stopped recording for some reason!) Now all that’s left is putting a few final things in place and then thoroughly sanitizing literally everything that’s in there before my next in-person sessions on the weekend. And in the meantime... I’ll be hanging out in front of my laptop the next 2 evenings for my online workshops on Anxiety! Send me a message to go on the wait list in case there’s a last-minute cancellation!

Challenging Your Perspective: (there’s no bad emotion!) Ignoring & suppressing your emotions only makes them stronger, and then we usually throw shame on top of them when we are trying to convince ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling a certain way! I want to challenge you to consider acknowledging that whatever emotion you are feeling is a part of you (for now) and begin to extend some compassionate curiosity towards yourself to understand what the purpose of each emotion m...ight be. Our emotions are wise messengers! We can learn a lot when we lean in and explore them safely! Start here: Take a moment to connect to your body & breath... then: Acknowledge and validate whatever emotion is present for you right now, in this moment, and see what happens.

Action shot of Jenna Lessner & I recording our workshop on Body Image & Mindful Eating! We have offered this workshop in an interactive format before and we are SO excited to be sharing it with you in a recorded version available for you to access in your own time, at your own pace! This workshop is available for Pre-Sale right now at a discounted rate of $39!! Once I finish editing the price will go up so make sure to take advantage of this sale now! Sign up using the link... in my bio @theessenceofyoucounselling Jenna (@simplynurtured ) and I are so excited to share our strategies for developing a practice of mindful eating to support you in creating a healthy relationship with your body and food. For more details, visit the link in my bio @theessenceofyoucounselling !

The FREE ONLINE ANXIETY workshop I offered on Friday filled up within a few hours! You have probably have noticed I don’t like to leave people hanging who are needing support.... Sooo, I’ve opened up ONE MORE DATE, and there are only 2 spots left. ... This time, it’s my full 2-part version of my anxiety workshop , and since I’m offering one full workshop for free, in this next one I’m doing it a bit differently: 50% of the spots of this next workshop are available for purchase at full price. The other 50% are available at reduced rates or FOR FREE for anyone who doesn’t have coverage & can not afford to pay out of pocket. LINK IN BIO @theessenceofyoucounselling

Who can relate to having your boundaries pushed constantly, and feeling anxious, frustrated, angry or full of RAGE as you find yourself getting triggered throughout the day?! It can feel like an impossible task to get these feelings under control, and sometimes it is! One thing that I recommend in my anger & rage workshops is to begin developing your awareness to start noticing your warning signs and take action at each of these points, because we all know that once those... feelings get so intense that they turn into RAGE, there’s almost nothing that can stop it in that moment. What are some of your warning signs? Share in the comments. Don’t forget to sign up for our online workshop series on coping with Anger & Rage in Motherhood to get support with managing these feelings in the long term!! In these workshops, I share specific tools to help you build your awareness as well as practical strategies to calm those feelings down and understand what’s REALLY going on for you and your anger. Link in bio @theessenceofyoucounselling

AVOIDING FEELINGS When I was chatting to a good friend earlier today about Gestalt’s Paradoxical Theory of Change (look it up!), I realized that I have been avoiding some big feelings lately. Oops! I make a conscious effort to do the work that I suggest to my clients in my counselling practice.... and..... I’m also human. So sometimes I get caught up in life and find myself distracting myself from my feelings through less than functional coping strategies for awhile until i...t catches up with me and I realize I need to feel my damn feelings. Often my clients tell me that they don’t want to drop into their feelings because ... what if it’s to scary? What if the feelings are too much to handle? What if they can’t stop crying? What if they can’t pull themselves up again? When you take the time to consciously and safely feel your feelings, you’ll usually be okay! Sometimes it’s helpful to get professional support with this, and sometimes you’ll find you can do this on your own. And for me? Well after my kids were asleep I put on some music, lit a candle, made a cup of tea, and I did some journalling. I also booked a therapy appointment! (Yes, therapists also go to therapists ourselves! It’s more alarming if we don’t ). What will you do to create space for feeling yourself feelings safely today? Share in the comments.

O B L I G A T I O N , A N G E R , A N D R E S E N T M E N T Do you ever find yourself doing something out of obligation? (Like this post if YES!) When we do things that we DON’T want to do, and only do them because we feel OBLIGATED to do it, the inevitable result is feeling some level of anger & resentment! These feelings build up then get spilled out into other areas of your life and you end up feeling disempowered and caught in a vicious cycle of anger, guilt & shame.... So... Why do you do it? Really, really ask yourself. Do you have a choice? What would it be like to use your power and make the best choice instead of giving your power away by doing things just because you feel obligated too? (P.S. If this post resonates with you, you need to take our online workshop series on Anger & Rage!) link in bio @theessenceofyoucounselling

Morning walk before starting work today! One thing that motivates me to take good care of myself (besides wanting to be a good mother to my kids), is wanting to be able to show up for my clients with all of my attention and focus to be able to provide the best possible service that I can for them. We can’t pour from an empty cup, right? What are you doing to fill yours today? Share in the comments

Making INFORMED CHOICES is an essential part of creating an empowering birth experience for yourself. Think about what you want your birth to look like, do your research, and make a plan. The way you birth your baby is your choice and NOBODY else's! There will be many people offering their opinions/perspectives/demands about how you should birth your baby, which can be overwhelming. However, when you have done your research and you know what is best for you, this will give you the power to stand up for yourself and assert your right to make informed choices for how you are treated and for what happens during your pregnancy, birth, and post-partum period.

Have you ever paid attention to the correlation between your anxiety, and your appetite? Fact: Hunger INCREASES anxiety. And so does caffeine! If you want to get a head start on managing your anxiety for the day, considering trying to eat something before that first cup of coffee, and definitely don’t skip breakfast altogether.... So many people I know, particularly mothers, don’t eat breakfast; and the reason is: I’m too busy! Well I’m here to tell you that YOU are worth prioritizing. When you don’t make time for yourself and your basic needs, you’re not the only one who suffers - your family does too. Your basic needs need to be met (ie. hunger), in order to set yourself up for tackling symptoms of anxiety, anger, rage, and anything else that comes your way. Double tap this post if you think it’s worth it to take the time to meet your most basic needs!

Am I the only one who feels this way? - If you’ve caught yourself wondering about this, double tap this post! Oh, and I have an answer for you: No, it is verrrrrry unlikely that you are the ONLY one who feels the way you are feeling! When we give ourselves permission to share openly and honestly about our struggles with SAFE & SUPPORTIVE people, we soon learn that we are not so isolated in our feelings and struggles, and with the right people, we can not only lift ourselve...s up out of difficult times, but we can also gain incredible connection through these vulnerable and authentic interactions. Key point here: Choose the RIGHT people! Some people in our lives might be wonderful in many ways but not the right fit for sharing deeply with. Some people might be stuck in their own journeys and don’t know how to relate without shaming. That’s NOT about you! Try to detach from other people’s projections, and consider wisely who the safe and supportive people are in your life that you are willing to share openly, honestly, and authentically with. Tag your friends who have been safe & supportive for you in your life!

I’m loving the change of season with all of my heart. What’s your favourite thing about this time of year? Share in the comments!

Step 9: Keep breathing, do whatever you need to do to feel supported and to stay grounded, and use your power to support yourself instead of engaging in anxiety-producing thoughts and activities trying to control what you cannot control. (This will just spiral you back into anxiety again). And remember, your anxiety needs to be acknowledged and validated, not dismissed & shamed (Refer back to Step 8!) Check out our other posts going over my 9 Steps to Help You Keep Your Anxiety at Bay in Times of High Stress. (You can also read all 9 steps in the article linked in my bio @theessenceofyoucounselling)

Consider this in your own dialogue with YOURSELF: Whenever you ask questions with curiosity instead of judgment, you are invoking guidance. - Dr Anita Johnston... If you can begin to speak to yourself with more love, compassion, forgiveness and CURIOSITY, this will inevitably flow out to your children too. So many people come to see me for individual therapy because they want to be better parents to their children, and we can only achieve this when we commit to doing the work on OURSELVES first.

Step 8: Remember to acknowledge that your anxiety is coming up as an important alert for you to make sure that you are safe! It is so important not to shame yourself for having this survival response. Check out our other posts going over my 9 Steps to Help You Keep Your Anxiety at Bay in Times of High Stress. (You can also read all 9 steps in the article linked in my bio @theessenceofyoucounselling)

Yesterday’s workshop was such a gift- I probably sound like a broken record... but I just love holding space for the vulnerability & connection that happens in these workshops as the participants learn and grow their self-awareness together. Focused on themselves while authentically sharing, listening to and supporting each other. This will be the last outdoor group that I hold this year... but I’ll be setting some dates for some even smaller groups over the fall and winter to be able to respect covid distancing guidelines indoors! If you want to be the first to know when dates are set for upcoming workshops, comment below & make sure you’re on my email list!