The Third Path

A Request for Relationship-Based Stories - https://mailchi.mp//a-request-for-relationship-based-stori

Did you know that manners don't need to be forced? That young children will develop manners through modelling alone? If children learn manners because they ...have observed others using them, they will naturally learn when it is appropriate to use them and have a better understanding of WHY they are saying phrases such as "please" and "thank you". This is particularly the case for toddlers, who are still in a very egocentric stage (meaning everything is about them!). Simply being told to say the words will not hold any meaning for a young child who is still learning. I know it might seem rude if they don't say "please" or "thank you", but if you're consistently modelling it, they will learn, and their gratitude will be a lot more genuine when you do hear those "magic" words. Plus, as adults, we forget to use our manners sometimes, and we cant hold children to higher standards than we hold ourselves, especially when children are still learning and have under-developed brains! My heart melts when I hear my 3 year old niece say please and thank you so kindly, when no one has ever asked her or made her say these words #manners #toddlers #teachingtoddlers #parenthood #childhood #childhooddevelopment #parenting #occupationaltherapy #perth #kidsofperth #egocentrism #childpsychology #childdevelopment #milestones #mumsofperth #dadsofperth #communication #psychology #stagesofdevelopment See more

"Children find strong negative emotions frightening and draining and will try to bottle them up. The pressure builds until they reach the point where they lash ...out or shut down, at which point telling them to "use their words" isn't helpful because they are fleeing from the very emotion that they find frightening. What so often happens is that they regress into a prelinguistic state in which they are left speechless, or perhaps equipped to use only words that express a raw feeling of emotional pain, which typically only makes matters worse. How many times has a parent heard their raging child scream, "I hate you!" when, after the emotional storm has passed, they would never say or even think such a thing?" - Dr Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg See more

Here's a video I created to keep the conversation going as they return to school: https://youtu.be/xSTAiPlK6p0

#parenting #ymhc

A child who appears oppositional or aggressive may actually be reacting to anxiety he cant articulate. http://childmind.org//how-anxiety-leads-to-disruptive-beha

Too often, I see children reprimanded when they're not able to control their behaviours and emotions. Theyre expected to remain calm and happy, not get upset, ...not display anger, and quickly calm themselves down if they do get angry or upset. If they cant do this, they may be referred to me for "self-regulation difficulties". Here's the thing. Self-regulation is a developmental process. Just as we wouldnt expect a child to run before they can walk, we cannot expect children to self-regulate until theyve experienced co-regulation time and time again. Unless a child has had it modelled enough, and their brain has developed enough, they will not achieve regulation on their own. Have a think - when was the last time you heard a 3 year old say Im so angry my sister hit me! I need to calm down. Im just going to take myself to the kitchen for a drink of water and do some deep breaths. Co-regulation begins from birth. When babies are unsettled and we cuddle them, rock them, feed them - we are helping them to regulate. When toddlers are angry that they can't have the toy they want, and we empathise with them, sit with them, get them a drink - we are helping them to regulate. When preschoolers are upset because they're not ready to leave their playdate, and we listen and help them take deep breaths - we are helping them to regulate. Self-regulation only BEGINS to emerge around 4-5 years. And whilst some 4-5 year olds may be able to regulate themselves, others may not be able to. Both are within the typical range of development. True self-regulation is not fully established until our mid-twenties. Even then, we often turn to others to help us feel better when we are feeling low. And we are often quite happy to help other adults feel better when they're feeling low, however when children need our help, we may be reluctant to give it, perhaps in fear that we will stunt their emotional resilience (amongst many other unfounded but understandable fears). When we ask a child to regulate themselves before they're ready, we risk shaming them, affecting their self-esteem, and affecting their relationship with us. Co-regulation needs to come first. You may not be able to help your child regulate 100% of the time, and thats okay. Just know that they may not be ready to do it themselves.

I was so thankful and relieved recently to see a kindy teacher in a mainstream school, nurture and support a 4 year old boy experiencing separation distress for... a fair portion of the morning. She stayed with him the whole time he felt sad. She didnt try to talk him out of his feelings. She didnt try to distract him. She didnt tell him that he was being silly (nor did she think it). She let this boy walk around with her while he was upset, hand in hand. Every time she heard the boy begin to cry, she rubbed his back and gave him a reassuring smile while she continued to teach the rest of the class. She made sure another adult comforted this boy when she took her recess break. She didnt expect the boy to join in with the other kids. I saw this when I went to visit this little boy and see what I could do to help. But I realised that he was already in good hands. I thanked the teacher, to which she seemed confused, saying that she was doing what any teacher would do. Sadly this isnt the case. It is completely understandable that not all teachers can do this (teachers have a lot on their plates). I was just so heartened to see a teacher who got it. Who understood human nature. Who didnt try to toughen this boy up. Who didnt think that she was damaging this boys independence or resilience. Who didnt leave this boy to deal with his big feelings on his own. It breaks my heart when I visit schools and see children upset, and adults ignoring them. Behaviour is communication. There is an unmet need, and its our job to figure out what that need is. I wish everyone knew that dependence breeds independence. It cant be rushed or forced. Its human nature. Its neuroscience. Whats the rush anyway? #behaviouriscommunication #independence #dependence #childdevelopment #neuroscience #evidencebasedpractice #separationanxiety #kindy #preprimary #teacher #teachersofinstagram #downundertrachers #ece #earlychildhood #attachment #attachmenttheory #psychology #occupationaltherapy #paediatrics #whatstherush #letthembelittle #childadvocate #childmentalhealth #childmentalhealthmatters See more

A great session!

Hi all, I hope you are well and taking good care of yourself and your loved ones during these challenging times. Relationships are more important than ever right now. It's nice to see that the term "social distancing" is starting to be replaced with the more accurate "physical distancing". I just wanted to let you know that I am partnering with Nelson to offer three free live and on-demand webinars for parents and caregivers over the next three weeks:... Session One: The March Break is Over, Now What? March 25, 1 PM This first session of the series covers the top ten ways you and your children can successfully settle in to staying at home. Topics will include: establishing realistic expectations, creating a daily routine, and dealing with stress and worry Session Two: Learning at Home is Not like Learning at School April 1, 1 PM This session will examine how you can support your childs learning and development without turning your dining room into a classroom. Topics will include: what matters most when it comes to learning, capitalizing on curiosity, and dealing with opposition without detention or suspension Session Three: Are We Having Fun Yet? Saying Positive Over the Long Haul April 8, 1 PM This session will focus on maintaining your own well-being so you can support the well-being of your children. Topics will include: staying motivated and positive, managing boredom and anxiety, and supporting your own well-being For more information and to register, go to: https://www.nelson.com/learningonline/pl.html Hope to see you there! David Tranter, PhD

Be sure to listen in

#Repost @cathy_malchiodi Thought of the Moment: This is one of my favorite frameworks that I use frequently when speaking about trauma. What I am learning n...ow is the current societal disruption in being able to relate in the usual ways to each other (proximity, touch, engagement) is a major challenge to the base of the inverted pyramid-regulation. We have to find synchrony and a good rhythm with each in other ways right now, I believe its critical. #traumainformed #trauma #corona #covid #coronavirusitalianews #regulation #relationships #health #wellness #expressiveartstherapy #traumahealing #disconnect #fear #socialsupport #isolation #pandemic See more

Kids often keep their worries hidden, or express them in ways that are hard to read.

See you at The Third Path Institute

Negativity is a natural part of conflict but you can combat its effects on your relationship with repair attempts. Rebuild your bridge of connection with these six steps based on research conducted by Dr. John Gottman.

It's a simple equation with a huge impact. Positive parenting = healthy intellectual and social growth, and fewer behavior problems as children get older.

Had a great time on the Broken Brain Podcast talking about our new book "The Power of Showing Up". We talk about what it means to be present and really show up ...for our kids, even if our own caregiver wasnt really present. We discuss how to cultivate secure attachment in our kids and how providing a calm, safe presence can radically change how a childs brain develops. We also talk about how every child needs to feel the Four Ss: safe, seen, soothed, and secure, and strategies for implementing them into your childs daily life. You can listen or there is video if you prefer to watch. https://drhyman.com/blog/2019/12/26/bb-ep86/ See more

Reposting this excellent piece in ONBEING.org from 2013. I've recently discovered the gift that is Feldenkrais, to be continued in 2020 along with Pilates. "An...d for my patients, I always recommend that they see somebody who helps them to really feel their body, experience their body, open up to their bodies. And I refer people always to craniosacral work or Feldenkrais. I think those are all very important components about becoming a healthy person." See more

#neuroscience #PTSD #CPTSD #anxiety #depression #brain #psychology

Excellent introduction.

New Intro to The Third Path of Education Video Series - https://mailchi.mp//new-intro-to-the-third-path-of-educati

Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh. There was a pause. "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.... "No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do." "That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend. "What are you doing?" asked Pooh. "Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either. "But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh." And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right.

I love this one. <3

A great read from Motherly: "While early education creates an important foundation for academic skills, many parents would be surprised to know that social skills are actually far more predictive of outcomes into adulthood than early academics."

Cathy Malchiodi interviews Shaun McNiff on "Imagination in Action: Secrets to Unleashing Creative Expression." From 2015.

Despite not being able to speak properly, this baby still managed to have a full blown conversation with his dad