Smith Counselling
1124 Fort Street V8V 3K8 Victoria, BC, Canada

Dial down the criticism.

Where do you see yourself in this diagram? Do you have a balance of approaches? Are you focused on one area?

High expectations can be the bane of relationships. Keep your expectations modest and your appreciation high.

Enmeshment - does your family show signs of enmeshment?

Great info here about the vagus nerve and the bottom up approach. The vagus nerve in the trunk of the body is so important in regulating our mood and mental health!

Happy Friday! Image by Stacie Swift

It was a revelation to me the day I realized it was ok to change my mind!

There was a farmer who grew excellent quality wheat and every season he won the award for the best grown in his county. One year a reporter from the local newsp...aper interviewed the farmer and learned that each Spring the man shared his seed with his neighbors so that they too could plant it in their fields... How can you afford to share your best wheat seed with your neighbors when they are entering their crops in the competition with yours?" the reporter asked.... Why that's very simple, the farmer explained... "The wind picks up pollen from the developing wheat and carries it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior wheat, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of all the wheat, including mine. If I am to grow good wheat, I must help my neighbors grow good wheat"... The reporter realized how the farmer's explanation also applied to peoples' lives in the most fundamental way... Those who want to live meaningfully and well must help enrich the lives of others, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all... See more

You teach people how to treat you by insisting they respect you or by allowing them to use hurtful and destructive behaviors. People will get away with what you... let them get away with. When you allow negative behavior to go unchecked it increases, whether it comes from your child, partner, parent or friend, you teach others how to treat you. If you put up with emotional abuse and manipulation, that is what you will get. And not only that, you are encouraging someone you care about to do damage to their personal and spiritual growth. They become even more demanding and the balance of power gets even more out of whack. Relationships need checks and balances just like our government. Healthy relationships allow healthy boundaries. If you have never had the opportunity to set boundaries or were punished for speaking out as a child, boundaries can be very confusing indeed. There will be those who don't care and continue to unobjectionable behavior or punish you for speaking out. That is about them. You speak out for yourself (when it is safe to do so) even tho' your boundary is ignored.

Do you have trouble identifying or expressing your opinions?

An interesting perspective on time :) I went back to school late in life. Do you feel it's too late to do something?

Esther Perel has an interesting way of looking at what keeps relationships alive :)

The fascinating link between us and our grandmothers.

Sweet cartoon :)

I know I use some of the words on the left side of this chart! Take a look at the Pain to Power Vocabulary.

Family themes and emotions - intergenerational trauma. Which ones belong to your family? Look at your parents and grandparents. See if there are themes that have been passed down.

Turning towards negative feelings is a skill worth developing.

Beautiful analogy!

Sharing with loving friends and helping others can take you out of the Me. Me, Me out of selfishness. Going from the Me stage to the We stage usually happens before age five.

My mental health morning at Francis King Park! Painting sustains me, even when it doesn't go well. I learn and go on. Today I thought it went well and I am refreshed! It's also known as Forest Bathing

Under the patriarchy, we disconnect boys from their hearts, from their expression, from other people, from dependency. Instead we must teach our sons that they can be whole people who are vulnerable and connected at times, and who are strong at others.

Great grounding technique.

Beautiful words on understanding.

Michele Weiner-Davis appears in this comic strip commenting on relationship sex.

Lynne Namka's solid advice on setting boundaries.

This is so beautiful!!

What's your romantic type? asks Lynne Namka

The Vagus nerve affects your emotional well-being. Learn how to calm yourself.