Voth Family Therapy
18 Main Street R1A 1P5 Selkirk, MB, Canada

Sometimes we revisit old behaviours during the change process. I call this "research", a term I learned from the late Randy Rehbein, one of Winnipeg MFT's greats. It can feel defeating when we dip our toes back in water that we've already decided isn't the place we want to swim anymore. It's easy to beat ourselves up when that happens. Or is that just me? I doubt it. The thing is, beating ourselves up isn't productive and usually only compounds the problem. I have a tric...k that works really well for me. First, I label it research. This lets me off the hook by framing it as an experiment, a place I'm visiting briefly, or a source of more information as I move ahead. I'm not incapable of change, I'm a thorough researcher (and I totally am, in all ways). Then I go do something very easy, definitely enjoyable, and not a "have to" for a little while. Lately it's been puzzles, so I keep one on the go in the living room at all times. If I had little ones in the house, we'd probably go tramp around in a watery ditch looking for tadpoles or something. Think "play" rather than "try/effort/work". This is one situation where I don't find journaling helpful. I've been fascinated when I've stepped back to observe my own process, so I'd encourage you to give this a try if you're revisiting habits you want to change. Instead of feeling depressed and frustrated that I've done this old thing AGAIN, I feel compassion for myself and I'm able to see the lesson. Today's lesson was really just a reminder: don't start the day by making a to do list. What works when you need a quick dose of self-inflicted kindness? #research #selfcompassion #kindness #change #therapy #puzzle #play

Karma says: You don't have to thrive today. You don't have to start a fitness plan. You don't need to clean your cabinets. You don't have to bake sourdough bread. You don't even have to want to bake sourdough bread. Give yourself permission to just survive. See what happens.... P.S. I'm using more cat pics because cat pics get 100% more engagement (likes, comments, etc) than anything else. Go figure. I guess you folks like cats, too!

I've been thinking about the Class of 2020 today. I know that some have received news already that their grad celebrations will be postponed. This comes after weeks lost from their final year with friends they may have been with since Kindergarten. These almost-adults are grieving, and we grownups can show up for them in simple, meaningful ways to help them through it.... Adults often unknowingly and unintentionally minimize teens' feelings by saying things that don't reflect empathy, such as: A sentence that starts with "At least...." or "It's only...." A sentence that focuses on what the future may hold rather than the reality of the present like "Grad will just be later this year!" A statement like "everyone else is in the same boat!" Words that are validating don't downplay, distract, or attempt to cheer the listener. Examples of validation: "This is terrible, I can see why you're upset." "Yeah, this sucks." "I wish I had words to make you feel better. I'm here to listen." When we feel validated, we feel safe sharing our pain. Teens who hear validating statements are more likely to keep talking about their grief and less likely to act their pain out in challenging ways like angry outbursts or look to unhelpful and unhealthy means to feel better. If you've got a member of the Class of 2020 in your life, check in, see how they're doing. #classof2020 #grief #teen #parenting #empathy #validation

Here's a story to make you smile today. I bought Stella this lovely new bed a couple of weeks ago to make her almost-16-year-old body a little more comfy since she started showing signs of arthritis. She loved it. Yesterday I picked up my order from @pennyweightmarket which was packed in this @happydancehummus box; it's about the size of the smallest Amazon box.... I made the grave error of leaving the empty box on the floor, and now Stella has rejected her bed in favour of sardine can cardboard accommodations. How she shoe-horns her 14 lb Norwegian Forest Cat body in here is a mystery to me, but she seems happier than a pig in so I hope you've all got a cozy spot today, cardboard or otherwise! #caturday #cozy #snugasabuginarug #snugasacatinatinybox

How ya doin'? Just checking in and offering a reminder that we're all doing some hard stuff these days, so be gentle with yourself.