Yvonne Brunelle Psychotherapy
73 Main Street L9M 1S8 Penetanguishene, ON, Canada

Sometimes Love is Ruthless. Sometimes loving yourself Means confronting your own behavior In the cold light of day... It means facing your own Unconscious tendencies To see what motivates them What beliefs and fears drive them And meeting them full on Sometimes loving yourself Means saying no more And meaning it It means having serious words With yourself about showing up Fully and authentically Sometimes it means Saying I was wrong I screwed up And I’m sorry And then deciding Within yourself That you will not do or say that again Sometimes loving yourself Means becoming a warrior Bold in the face of shame Fearless when fear rises Authentic when lies wrap around you Vulnerable when righteousness appears Sometimes loving yourself Just means silence Sitting silently, quietly In reflection Going inwards, into the darkness Exploring and allowing There are many ways Of loving yourself They are not all love and light Sometimes love is ruthless. ~ Kavi - Poet and Musician

Today we honour those that attended residential schools. What is Orange Shirt Day? In 1973 six-year old Phyllis Webstad was gifted a brand new orange shirt fro...m her grandmother and wore it to the residential (mission) school she attended in British Columbia. Upon her arrival, school officials removed and discarded the shirt from her and replaced it with a school uniform. This greatly impacted the mental and emotional well-being of Webstad and symbolized that "her feelings never mattered." September 30 was chosen as the date to commemorate all the children that attended residential schools as it was also the time of year that children had to leave their homes and communities to attend the schools. This annual campaign began in 2013 after Webstad shared this experience at a reunion with other survivors. See more

This is me taking out the garbage

I have noticed that individuals with mental health issues/trauma histories struggle with wearing face masks, and here is how I came to this realization: I saw a...n OSHA video going around a few weeks ago. A man was holding an oxygen-sensor next to his ***mouth*** and measuring oxygen levels, mask-off and then mask-on, to prove that wearing a mask was hazardous for your health. The yoga teacher in me was like, Hmmm, who the heck breathes through their mouth? Mouth-breathing jacks up the nervous system." That was when the somatic trauma therapist in me joined the dots about anti-mask wearing, mouth-breathing, mental health and trauma responses. When we perceive danger, we mouth-breathe in, in order to rapidly oxygenate the body and to mobilize the active defenses of fight and flight (sympathetic arousal). Putting on a face mask can elicit the beginnings of sympathetic arousal in many individuals. Furthermore, mouth-breathing can be detrimental when wearing a face mask, as the body isn’t able to get enough oxygen, which can cause the body-brain to spin further into panic/rage/terror. Hence the OSHA video. Mouth-breathing is common amongst individuals who experience anxiety, depression, have trauma histories, experience other forms of mental illness or developmental disabilities. Nose-breathing restores the body back into the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system (rest and digest, safety and connection), and keeps the prefrontal cortex online therefore able to discern the difference between uncomfortable and unsafe. Individuals whose nervous systems are conditioned to correlate mouth-breathing (sympathetic arousal) with danger responses will ab-react to mask-wearing. And yes, mouth-breathing can be associated with sympathetic arousal in a good way - surprise, excitement, joy, awe and wonder. The ventral vagal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system mitigates this arousal (when developmentally co-regulated) creating a robust nervous system capable of tolerating the full range of positive emotions. However, for now, this is outside of the mask/no-mask conversation. We get advised to wear masks, but no one has taken the time to explain to us how to breathe when wearing a mask. I have been using the face mask as an intentional activation cue to breath in-and-out through my nose and my nose only. I do box breathing exercises when I'm feeling a little anxious. (Inhale for a count of four. Hold the breath for a count of four. Breath out for a count of four. Repeat four times.) Mostly, I just focus on the long exhale, which also activates the parasympathetic nervous system. And I make sure that I’m breathing into the area below my navel, a result of my diaphragm be relaxed and fluid. (The diaphragm tightens up during sympathetic fight-flight activation.) If I catch myself sharply mouth-breathing-in, I close my mouth and breath in the rest of the way into my low belly, and then sigh or hum as I focus on a long exhale. Making audible sounds is not what an animal in danger does. It is what an animal in safety does. And so, this restores me back into the ventral vagal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system. I teach these techniques (and more) to my clients, who are reporting increased capacity to navigate through this brave new world. Some individuals cannot nose-breath or cannot tolerate wearing a face mask, for various reasons ranging from suffocation trauma to autism spectrum disorder to medical issues that inhibit nose-breathing. Some individuals have very tight diaphragms, which can make deep belly-breathing challenging. Some of these conditions can be treated more quickly than others; some folks have access to treatment, some do not. Either way, intentional breathing is a gift, for it anchors each of us back into the grace of this moment where kindness is possible.

The first relationship we have with your parents sets the foundation for every adult relationship we have. These relationships are attachments. Attachments teac...h us how to bond. How to process emotions. How to share parts of ourselves. And how to get our needs met. If we had parents who caused betrayals within these attachments, we are conditioned to see love as betrayal. This could be emotional neglect, unconsciously shaming parts of us (you should be more like your brother), uncertainty (shutting down, being unpredictable, abandonment) or abuse of any kind. The message to our child self is: relationships are unpredictable. They’re unsafe. Distrust is part of all relationships. I cannot fully express myself without fear. I fear being seen. I am not worthy. I must preform + betray myself to gain love. This inner child wound lives within us. We unconsciously seek partners with the same traits that were within the parent we had the most conflicted relationship with. This pattern of repeating is our mind + bodies attempt at correcting this childhood wounding. We repeat what we do not heal. Trauma bonds are formed, + because we aren’t taught much about trauma we feel so much shame for engaging in them. Our rational (higher brain functions) knows there’s dysfunction. We may know we ‘deserve’ better. We might even have friends who tell us this. This is irrelevant, because there is a powerful cycle of emotional addiction. The emotional addiction becomes ‘keeping’ a person. Not being abandoned. We chase the high + low emotional states imprinted on us in childhood. The addiction is very real, + healing comes from an understanding that conditioning brought you to these relationships. And, that through healing, these patterns can be unlearned #selfhealers

The 7 sacred teachings in context with the pandemic