Meg's Full Body Fitness

HAVE YOU TAKEN TIME TO SMELL THE FLOWERS As my little Haley often brings me flowers or (dandelions) to smell she found the perfect daisy for me today. As many of you have sent me DM or messages you’ve noticed I haven’t been on social media for several reasons. 1. Is taking time to smell the flowers & revaluate things in my life. 2. For my mental health- sometimes I just can’t handle to see the smoked screen perfection on social media-like who ever posts the bad days-re...ally. Even though I know they happen but when your mental strength is hanging by a tiny thread already it’s not a good combination. There are a lot of triggers for me on social media right now so I decided to take care of myself -I needed to say goodbye. Honestly I know there is good information and uplifting quotes, however sometimes those are harder to find. Lastly I have decided not to make any big life changes for at least a year from loosing Tyler to let us try to heal and find hope again. But my mind is always going & I have some plans to integrate my love of traditional medicine the RN in me & combining my love for overall health, fitness, strength, nutrition & functional medicine. This make take me back to more schooling I know, but for now I need to let the dust settle and with that means not being on social media very much. I’m sorry I’d love to be the up beat find the bright side and help again in coaching but I think life is pulling me in new directions I must explore. I thank you all for your time, messages and love. Here’s to #healing #mentally #physically # emotionally. You take care of your body, mind & soul so they can serve you throughout this life in the best way possible. to all. #fortyler See more

Moving forward with Tyler is a struggle everyday but I urge everyone to please watch this TED talk about how & why grief is always with me. No one is immune when there is a 100% chance someone you love will die at some point. The best video/talk/article I’ve read or heard that describes it all. https://www.ted.com//nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_g

This weekend was filled with lots of emotions for our little family. It started off with my firecracker Haley having her 4th birthday & today Kirra was baptized at home by her daddy. Something that was put on hold when Covid hit was our plan to have Kirra’s baptism along with Tylers baby blessing. So seeing her be baptized today surrounded by family that love her & Tyler in our beautiful backyard was so bitter sweet. We held a white balloon for Tyler in our family picture as well as his blanket in my arm thinking about him a lot. The sun was shining so strong on all of us during the baptism, bringing that warmth to our hearts as Tyler often does. I’m so proud of my baby girl, who’s not really a baby girl anymore but a beautiful young girl. It was a day we will not forget. #wemissyoutyler #loveyouforever #lifeafterloss

#challengeaccepted thx @b.cavaliere for nominating me. We may not always feel like warriors but women who support other woman, will find there is no battle they can not fight . #together #westand #united #empoweringwomen

4 months without you here and everyday still feels wrong. Miss you baby boy. #fortyler #lifeafterloss

Shop for a cause!!! #babysbreath My amazing friends have created a fundraising event and committed all of the commission from this event go to baby’s breath Canada in support of SIDS and the families affected by it. We are very blessed to have all you amazing people in our life and all of you who have already donated I thank you from the bottom of my heart -it helps me give meaning to Tyler’s life and help spread his love to you all. Please shop on this link for Mother’s Day yourself etc they have beautiful items and my favourite is the necklaces you can engrave. You can find the link in my Facebook post. ca.stelladot.com/ts/zd59j @ Caledon, Ontario

Not many days feel happy right now but today just felt good so I wanted to document it. My girls decided to workout with me, Kirra especially wants to get stronger arms as she says so she can turn the gears on her bike so DAD lovingly offered her to workout with mom to help with that-umm thx. So much for some me time, but it was fun. She was determined to lift those weights and get sweaty. Now she says she wants to workout with me everyday, wear a necklace like me with Tylers name on it and get a water bottle like me. Man do these kids see and do everything we do. I’ll take it for now since those teenager years will soon come & they will think everything I do is stupid.

I’m sorry I’m so late to this announcement & I’m not quite sure what to say or how to word anything right now, but I know I have an amazing supportive group of woman here who worked-out beside this incredible woman & her girls. This is a dear Bootcamp momma & all her babies who lost their life here on earth way too soon. Please please I beg you all to help donate to their go fund me page I’ve linked below. The vigil is being held tonight and I’m sad I will not be able to make... it as we are out of town. Please pray for her family, her husband not only for today but the months ahead. Karolina you made me laugh with your whit & charm, hold those babies tight & spread your love, your joy to your family here on earth that they may feel your warmth & spirit, I pray . https://gf.me/u/x9vfx9 Bootcamp mommas please I ask you to show these lives even more prayers, thoughts and notes than you have done for my Tyler because I know how much that was and it was overwhelmingly beautiful with love. Bring a candle please for me tonight & I wish so badly I could stand beside you.

HAVE YOU TAKEN TIME TO SMELL THE FLOWERS As my little Haley often brings me flowers or (dandelions) to smell she found the perfect daisy for me today. As many of you have sent me DM or messages you’ve noticed I haven’t been on social media for several reasons. 1. Is taking time to smell the flowers & revaluate things in my life. 2. For my mental health- sometimes I just can’t handle to see the smoked screen perfection on social media-like who ever posts the bad days-re...ally. Even though I know they happen but when your mental strength is hanging by a tiny thread already it’s not a good combination. There are a lot of triggers for me on social media right now so I decided to take care of myself -I needed to say goodbye. Honestly I know there is good information and uplifting quotes, however sometimes those are harder to find. Lastly I have decided not to make any big life changes for at least a year from loosing Tyler to let us try to heal and find hope again. But my mind is always going & I have some plans to integrate my love of traditional medicine the RN in me & combining my love for overall health, fitness, strength, nutrition & functional medicine. This make take me back to more schooling I know, but for now I need to let the dust settle and with that means not being on social media very much. I’m sorry I’d love to be the up beat find the bright side and help again in coaching but I think life is pulling me in new directions I must explore. I thank you all for your time, messages and love. Here’s to #healing #mentally #physically # emotionally. You take care of your body, mind & soul so they can serve you throughout this life in the best way possible. to all. #fortyler See more

Today we said another goodbye. One that brought back a lot of emotions as I sat in my baby boys room for the last time. The only home we ever were altogether in this earthly life. I brought 2 of my 3 babies home here and I will leave with 2 and one in my mommy heart forever. Tyler was and is a joy that brought such happiness to us all. Haley picked this yellow flower from our garden and said here mommy this is for you - the beautiful yellow flower made me think of Tyler, our sunshine. He would want us to be happy when we think of him. We know he warms our hearts on a sunny day saying hello and telling us to be happy for he is in gods arms. #fortyler #mybabyboyforever

Wanting to be together together in the only way we know how. We released notes tied to balloons to our precious baby Tyler on this a Mother’s Day -no mother should ever have to endure. We miss you in our home constantly. The greatest gift I was given this year was this beautiful box created and made by my brother in law Justin. It will hold my sweet keepsakes of my baby boy. Always with me in my heart. Mommy loves you forever and for always #fortyler

We couldn't think of a better day to launch our 2nd Annual Mother's Day appeal, then on "Giving Tuesday Now"- A Global Day of Giving. Baby's Breath has been pr...oviding grief counselling to families that suffer the tragic loss of a baby or infant. This year, sadly, friends and loved ones are not able to comfort the grieving parents. Families in our communities who are experiencing anxiety over the impending birthday or anniversary of their babies death are having to grieve in isolation without their friends and family. This Mother's Day let's remember all the babies we have lost to SIDS, SUDS and Stillbirth. No donation is too small. All the funds raised will go to supporting our grief counselling program

Today I reminded myself why I workout. It’s not for a goal weight or look, it’s for the way it helps me manage life. Stress, emotions, and the trials of life. Life is flipping hard-everyday. I’m in a place I never thought I’d be and I struggle everyday. I struggle to keep active on my fitness account and honestly I may shut it down not sure yet, but today I felt stronger in my workout and that made me happy. If I based progress off my scale it would have told me a failed. So I said to it screw you. Give it a try sometimes it’s kinda nice

Thank you Thank you Thank you to all of you my friends, family & followers who purchased through the fundraiser event @catallonuzda @b.cavaliere put on @stelladot. You raised $1,125$$$ I can’t believe it. This money was sent to @babysbreathcanada in HONOUR of our TYLER #fortyler. I honestly was so shocked and emotional over all this . I hope to help other families get the support they need plus aid in research to help reduce or one day eliminate SIDS. That’s my dream so I thank you again your all angels to our family. #sids #sidsawareness #infantloss #hope

Grief is a lot like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. #fortyler #justkeepswimming

Shop for a cause!!! #babysbreath My amazing friends have created a fundraising event and committed all of the commission from this event go to baby’s breath Canada in support of SIDS and the families affected by it. We are very blessed to have all you amazing people in our life and all of you who have already donated I thank you from the bottom of my heart -it helps me give meaning to Tyler’s life and help spread his love to you all. Please shop on this link for Mother’s Day yourself etc they have beautiful items and my favourite is the necklaces you can engrave. You can find the link in my Facebook post. ca.stelladot.com/ts/zd59j @ Caledon, Ontario

He was my favourite workout partner & always will be. It’s been 1 month since we lost you. Tyler would come with me to workout everyday. I would hold him while I taught classes or he’d watch me as I did my oworkout. My baby boy oh how my heart breaks when Haley says -Tyler come back now? or I miss Tyler & Roxy. We all miss you . . We realized this week we are not only grieving the loss of our child but our marriage we once had & the people we once were, that made us -us. We... are changed. We see the world & each other differently. This is what being human is. Adapting, changing and fighting to find our way together. Grief is something as a society we suck at!! We avoid the pain, try to hurry ourselves through the process-move on, push forward simply because we all are not comfortable with it. We want to cheer our loved ones up because we do not understand how to let people grieve. I have wanted so badly to escape that pain or feel like myself again, however I realize that is not possible right now. The truth is that pain will in some form always be with us. Smaller over time, hopefully. It’s the strangest feeling laughing when my kids do something & feeling so broken inside all at once. When I go to kiss my girls goodnight the thought runs through my head what if something happens & anxiety kicks in. So I kiss them more and hug them tighter. I have what is called situational depression-it’s a battle everyday. One moment I can manage and push it away but the next I can’t get out of bed. This is something I’m learning to deal with. Grief is not 6 linear steps. You don’t hit acceptance and then become whole & healed. It’s on going. 1 minute anger- yes I’ve yelled at god a lot but then the next I’m pleading with him on my knees in prayer. I do not believe god needed or took my baby away from me because he was too precious or sweet for this earth. He was needed in my arms. I believe God can help us in our pain. But this is something I am still learning how. Having faith over fear is HARD. Just because you can say the words doesn’t mean you have mastered that concept. So I try to enjoy what little faith that comes and wait to hold my baby in my arms again. See more

Welcome to the family Oakley. Seeing how happy this made my girls brought some joy to us. #happyeaster

You would have been 3 months today my beautiful baby boy. I wrote you a poem called I shed tears mommy forever. #sids . .... I shed tears of fear when I took a pregnancy test I shed tears of hope when it was positive I shed tears when I saw your tiny heart beat I shed tears when I first felt you move I shed tears when we knew you were a boy I shed tears when we told family we were pregnant I shed tears when my belly grew I shed tears when my water broke I shed tears when I held you in my arms for the first time. I shed tears when you fell asleep on me I shed tears when I fed you I shed tears when you smiled for the first time I shed tears when I held you for the last time. I shed tears when you left me I shed tears when I hug your sisters because I miss you I shed tears when I walk without you I shed tears when I go in your room I shed tears when I’d give everything to have you here I shed tears when the pain inside never goes away I shed tears everyday because your not here I shed tears when I get to be with you again.

I do believe in the power of prayer. No matter your faith, beliefs or lack of if you want to join us as we have been asked to do a day of fasting & prayer for this pandemic. We have chosen as a family since we have little kids it’s hard for them to fast for 24hrs we are doing a family no screens day & we will be fasting. #powerofprayer #churchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints #believeinmiracles #pandemic2020 #relief

Every morning I wake up thinking it was all a dream. Praying it was a dream. For those few seconds of half awake half asleep I get to live in the moment that he’s still sleeping in his room. Then I feel his blue bunny and the last blanket I wrapped him in snuggly under my arm & the horrid reality sets in. They sleep with me every night. They catch my tears & lots of screams. I often get asked How do I get out of bed each day? I’ve found that if I make my bed, I won’t be tempt...ed to crawl back in and not get out. Most days I don’t want to, but I know God gave me my girls to get me up even on the hardest days. Many of you have asked, and I’m doing as ok as I can be. I try to stay off Instagram when I can because photos of sweet babies his age make my heart physically ache. The sound of a baby cry like his or walking through the baby boy clothing section of the grocery store... it all hurts. But one thing is for sure, I couldn’t do this without all of the immense support we have received. I’m still in awe of this community on Instagram who come together daily for my family #10formeg. I thank you for your love & prayers for a grieving Mama. See more

Today was MEH- ugh. That’s about the only explanation I can give. Some days are good, some days are bad, some moments are good some moments suck. Just know it’s normal to feel blah -but I’m learning to say instead I feel sad=I am sad, I’m trying to use disassociation and say I’m having the thought of sadness. Trying to remove myself from the emotion and make my brain say ok that’s a thought that’s ok but doesn’t mean you are x,y,z. Depression is a very unknown territory for me I’m naturally a very happy person but I know when I have a focus a purpose I can work my way through it. That’s what working out is to me. A way to work through all kinda of emotions. It doesn’t always have to be pretty or your best that’s kinda what today was. #myjourney #depressionhelp #loss #itsokaynottobeokay #pain #findingjoy #newroads #newme

Tyler’s story I can’t shake this feeling that someone needs to hear or read our story. It hit me yesterday as I was sharing my story to another SIDSs mom who’s is only 6 weeks ahead of mine but is oh so the same. The relief in hearing her words of what had happened to her first daughter helped me to ease some guilt. We are not alone. SIDS still take 3500 babies in the US every year. If you or anyone you know has lost a child to SIDS please share this with them as I hope to e...ase someone else’s pain or guilt to hear our story. #sidsawareness #sidsmom #therapy #ourstory #sidsfamily #pailnetwork #pailnetworkcanada #babysbreath . . It’s been 2 weeks. 2 weeks yet everyday feels like a month and every week a year. Yet sometimes time doesn’t seem to pass at all and we look around thinking your just being quiet or watching your sisters play. We think your here when I see your bedroom door closed-just sleeping. First I never thought SIDS could happen to us. We’ve had 2 healthy girls we know to put baby back to sleep etc I use to think SIDS was error in some form from parents not being smart or using bumper pads or blankets. Let me enlighten you all if you have felt as I did. SIDS is more a diagnoses of unexplained death. That doesn’t mean they choked or suffocated like I thought Tyler did seeing the fluid on his face. I thought I missed hearing him struggle or spit up or cry in pain. The report showed nothing. No aspiration no heart problems notta- nothing wrong. That’s what classifies it as SIDS. He was healthy baby boy gaining weight fast -loved to eat & showed no problems. With SIDS they often pass in their sleep quietly with no struggle or pain. It is still very much unknown but they think it happens due to the sleep signals and turning things off. It’s more common in months 2-4 and in boys. But very little research has really found any answers. . It was Tuesday morning you awoke as usual and were ready for nap by about 10:30am. I fed you again since you were fussy and put you down for morning nap and went to help the girls with school work as this was start of quarantine life (homeschooling). Cont in comments.

WE MOVED- because you have moved all of us. As a family the love that has been shown around the loss of our baby Tyler is unspeakable. You’ve shared your #10formeg workouts, movements, walks etc in our support. It’s brought me to more & more tears. Im sorry if I never responded to your messages but know I’ve read every single one. You are a tribe who have made us feel like your sharing our pain & our loss. . Yesterday our 10 for all of you was not easy for me. The physical p...art I did but then I tried to do a simple workout after and I got 5 min in and the internal pain was just too much. I stopped. We both have a long road ahead a journey that I know want ever be same but on that healing road as our counsellors in grief have told us we need to have compassion for ourselves. Why is it so easy to have compassion for another but not ourselves? So I stopped & said meg it’s ok not today- we will try again another day. And so I did. That was today. I tried & got through the entire workout, filled with bouts of tears but I was determined to do it. After that the rest of the day has felt more like a place of peace. A place of true rest from my sorrows for at least a short while. So next time think when you have compassion for a friend in need try to do the same for yourself. See more